Dying to LiveStories that will inspire you to start talking about the end of life without fear. What would it be like? To know you are dying and still live your life to the fullest? Death does not have to stun us with crushing grief, we can prepare for it. The true life stories in Dying To Live are filled with love, challenges, tears and laughter. Dying To Live is a must read for anyone who will stand in the fire with loved ones leaving this world. Death is a part of life. Celebrate the process and learn from the experiences of these incredible people. You will: Discover ways to experience life and death without fear; Be inspired by love and hope with each remarkable story; Laugh and cry as you see we are all intrinsically the same; Celebrate the possibilities in your own life and death; Learn that you get to make up your own rules"Dying to Live reminds us that the end of the road can be embraced with love, insight, compassion and even joy. A book to be read and remembered" Judy Reynolds, Author, Once Upon a Vine. Dying to Live is an extraordinary experience, revealing the soul's yearning for love, no matter what the circumstances may be. These stories will expand your heart into realms you never knew existed. Percy McManus, founder, Health Excellence, Inc. Joanne Harvey MSW is a hospice social worker, life coach and meridian practitioner with 25 years of experience guiding patients, individuals and families though the challenges of life, terminal illness and self-realization. "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everthing is a miracle" Albert Einstein

Dying To Live

Embracing The JourneyBy Joanne Harvey

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2010 Joanne Harvey MSW
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4520-4750-8

Contents

Introduction..............................................xiThe Scent of Honey........................................1Leaving on Friday.........................................11Carrots, Eggs, and Coffee.................................21When Someone Cares........................................25The Kindness of Strangers.................................37For The Love of Family....................................69Tapping into the Present-A Love Story.....................87Finding Honor.............................................99Jack and the DragonFly....................................115Resources.................................................125Recommended Reading.......................................130What are Meridian Tapping Techniques?.....................135

Chapter One

The Scent of Honey

When the hospice intake team drove up to the log cabin, children were playing in the yard. A little girl wearing a big yellow hat stopped and looked curiously at the ladies who had invaded her play time. She took off her hat, and Dalia's beautiful lavender eyes defined her face. A face that had seen it all in her four short years of life-but was determined to ignore the impact.

Dalia was the only girl in her family, second to the last of seven children. Her laughter sounded like a fairy bell. Her brothers, even the youngest, towered over her, but she was obviously the one in charge, directing play with her tiny hands and running through the wet grass in her black patent leather shoes.

Dalia ran with her mouth open and her hands outstretched, as if she was trying to grab every bit of life she could. She had been cancer-free for eighteen months, but now it had come back with a vengeance. This time it was throughout her body. She had tumors on her femur and in her lungs, and the doctors said there was nothing else they could do.

Dalia's parents, John and Debbie, fought the prognosis for more than eight months, doing everything they could to keep their sweet little girl alive. Debbie was a skilled, self-taught nurse, receiving her education from doing, rather than going to school for it. She knew everything medically that had to be done for her daughter. She could draw blood, start an IV, tube feed, bandage and even soothe and sing songs right in the middle of crisis. But the oncologist's prediction was the hardest thing Dalia's parents faced.

When hospice was suggested by the doctor, at first John and Debbie refused. "She is doing just fine, thank you." They didn't want to give up hope for their daughter.

Hope can be such a loaded word, one that means so many things. You can hope to see your children grow up to be happy. You can hope to always do your best. You can hope for many things, but when someone, no matter what age, is dealing with a life-threatening illness your hopes change significantly. You do not want to see your loved one suffer. Sometimes hope is simply that my little girl gets to live with love and laughter with the least amount of pain, for as long as possible.

Eventually Debbie realized that her daughter needed more help than she could provide. Often Dalia's pain could not be controlled and Debbie could see her little girl was losing the fight. After discussing it with John, she bravely called hospice.

We were invited into the house and explained to John and Debbie that hospice is a support team, a group of trained individuals who are committed to enhancing the excellent care that Debbie was already providing. John and Debbie eventually understood that hospice was not just a medical team, but people who would celebrate Dalia's successes, be her advocate, be the doctor's eyes and ears and support the family during the difficult days ahead.

Coincidentally and unexpectedly, on the same day hospice was introduced to Dalia, Debbie discovered she was pregnant.

One month later Dalia was told the news first. She was so happy; she was finally going to have a sister! She was even given the honor of naming the baby.

After much deliberation, Dalia decided to name her Purple Sage. Dalia proudly announced that she had named her new baby sister, still in her mommy's tummy, and that the baby would be called Sage, for short.

Each time she announced the news, she always giggled her tiny belllike giggle. Why she decided on this name no one really knew. Purple was her favorite color, but Sage was not a word Dalia normally used. She loved it, though, and she knew Purple Sage would love it too.

Dalia was very social. It became obvious in our first meeting that she knew what she liked, and wasn't afraid to tell me. She said she loved kitties, especially the white ones. She liked her brothers, but they were pretty silly most of the time, and she liked vanilla ice cream with blackberries on top.

Dalia would tell me that her favorite thing "in the whole wide world" was to ride with her family on their four-wheeler. When she was riding, she said she felt free and loved because everyone was together, arms around each other, everybody happy.

Her favorite place to ride on these family adventures was up the canyon not far from her home, where a natural spring bubbled out from a huge boulder, and wild purple butterfly plants grew with abandon. She told me in a whisper, "Did you know fairies live in those butterfly bushes? The way you can tell that fairies are there is from the sweet honey smell."

She giggled when her brothers disputed the fairy stories. Her look plainly said, they're just boys, how would they know?

The summer was sweet for the family, cool breezes and lazy days of playing in the yard. Dalia's tumors grew, but most of the time Debbie controlled her child's discomfort with medication and buckets of love.

In the fall, Dalia's decline was rapid. Debbie found that she needed the hospice team to visit more often for support. The nurses were there daily to deal with Dalia's symptoms and the constantly increasing pain.

I visited regularly for emotional support and encouraged John and Debbie to talk about Dalia's journey. Even though she was first diagnosed before she was a year old, they still struggled with the devastating news.

Debbie and John lived a very healthy lifestyle. There was no reason why cancer had touched their little girl. But most of all we talked about Dalia's amazing bravery and her great personality, even with the monumental challenges she faced daily. We talked about the wonderful lessons her parents received from their child about living life to the fullest.

I spoke about the end, preparing them for the time they would have to say goodbye to their sweet Dalia.

Debbie tearfully said, "Dalia's always been a free spirit. I just want my little girl to go without pain."

We talked more about what they both saw physically happening to Dalia. John said, with his hands clenched into fists, "If I could trade places, I would in a second, but since I can't, I just want her to go gently. But," he said crying, "when I say those words I feel like I am letting my little girl go without a fight!"

Debbie wrapped her arms around her husband and held him as he sobbed with frustration.

Dalia's condition continued to deteriorate and required daily visits from the hospice nurse. The family tried to stay balanced, even with the awful circumstances playing out in their home.

Debbie...