Transform your life with this practical guide to self-acceptance and happiness Have you ever heard someone say 'just be yourself' as though it's the answer to everything? It can be very difficult to be yourself, especially if you don't really know who you are anymore. Learning how to be yourself is the first step towards living a happy and meaningful life. In How to Be Yourself, psychologist Jane Briscoe and her coauthor, Simone Essex, deliver an empowering collection of techniques combining the use of acceptance and commitment therapy, positive psychology, and hypnotherapy and mindfulness. These techniques are designed to aid in; understanding exactly who you are and how the human mind works; identifying and embracing your values, strengths, and personality style; reducing stress, worry, and insecurities; overcoming the fear of judgment; handling difficult and painful thoughts effectively. As a bonus, How to Be Yourself comes with a hypnosis MP3 download to help reinforce the powerful strategies offered throughout the guide. By embracing these techniques, anyone can experience authentic happiness.

How To Be Yourself

Easy steps to overcoming insecurities and strengthening your lifeBy Jane Briscoe Simone Essex

Balboa Press

Copyright © 2012 Simone Essex and Jane Briscoe
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4525-0405-6

Contents

Preface....................................................................61. The Emotional Cleanse...................................................82. The Human Condition.....................................................113. Are You Being Yourself?.................................................134. Who Are You?............................................................155. Fear of Judgement.......................................................286. A Healthy Amount of Concern.............................................327. Mindfulness and Re-regulating Your Emotional System.....................358. How to Interact With Others.............................................389. Conversation Skills.....................................................4110. How to Develop Assertiveness...........................................4411. Apologising............................................................4912. Public Speaking........................................................5113. Self Image.............................................................5314. Value Yourself.........................................................5515. Be Yourself Hypnosis...................................................5816. Take Action............................................................61References.................................................................64

Chapter One

The Emotional Cleanse

Have you ever heard someone say 'just be yourself' as though it is the answer to everything? How frustrating! Don't they know how hard it is to be yourself, especially if you don't really know who you are anymore?

In modern busy life, it's easy for you to forget what is important and what really matters. Your values can become lost in the fog of everyday life and it is difficult to navigate your way out again. And is this any wonder, with the endless pressure you put upon yourself to belong to a certain group, look a particular way or achieve remarkable success? You are so busy trying to live up to your own expectations that you neglect the most empowering and meaningful gift of all—to be yourself.

While happiness is an elusive quality that we all strive for, there is an intrinsic link between being true to yourself and living a happy life. It's our goal to help you develop a strong and healthy relationship with yourself so you can strengthen all aspects of your personal and professional lives. Until you can become confident and comfortable with who you are, unpleasant feelings of discomfort or even anxiety may continue to cloud your view of yourself and the world around you.

As humans we naturally seek approval and acceptance from people around us, it's part of our human nature and you will learn more about that in chapter two. However, we often invest an unhealthy amount of energy into worrying about what others think.

It is unfortunate how widespread this phenomenon is, not only throughout the community, but how far it reaches into each life. It can affect your intimate relationships, friendships, family, career, parenting and other important aspects of your life.

Over-thinking or ruminating on events can lead you to experience unpleasant emotions such as fear, anger, jealousy or inadequacy. You can become so wrapped up in these thoughts and feelings that you begin to believe them with every ounce of your soul. It is a vicious cycle and the birthplace of 'I'll be happy when ...'

Have you ever caught yourself out with this one? I'll be happy when ... I lose 5 kilograms. I'll feel better about myself when ... I get that promotion. I'll be more confident when ... I drive that car. With your never ending to-do list is it any wonder being happy with yourself is continually put forward to a future date?

Right now you are too busy and stressed to be yourself, right? Wrong! It's never too late to embrace a new way of thinking and change your life experience for the better. By doing so, you will also enrich the lives of the people that matter to you, as they experience a refreshing and relaxed side of you that perhaps they have not seen for many years.

Remember, happiness is a choice you make. This life is yours. You own it. It belongs to you. So why not take a leap forward, shake off these thoughts and feelings that are holding you back and start to really live!

Are you ready for your emotional cleanse? Just like many beauty routines, this is a quick, three step process. It will become second nature to you and you will be able to:

Step 1. Clear away messy, unhelpful thoughts

Step 2. Relax and calm your mind

Step 3. Think more confidently

Imagine how empowering it would be if you could do that!

The three steps are a combination of simple techniques to help you feel relaxed, grounded and confident in more situations. Because everyone is unique, you will have the opportunity to choose from a smorgasbord of proven tools and strategies so you can tailor an emotional cleanse specifically for you. Then you can pop it in the back of your mind and take it with you where ever you go.

We will help you to identify and embrace your personality style, values, strengths and likes, so you can enjoy a clear understanding of who you are in the first place. To make it easy for you, we have designed some simple exercises and worksheets for you to complete so you can discover the answers without even trying.

We will teach you some straightforward and powerful techniques to help you separate yourself from your thoughts and overcome the fear of judgement. All the guesswork has been taken out, right down to scripting suggestions of what you can say to yourself and providing examples of how to use the different techniques.

Step 1. Clear away messy, unhelpful thoughts

Step 2. Relax and calm your mind

Step 3. Think more confidently

Plus we're going to share some practical do's and don'ts when it comes to interacting with others, conversation skills, formulating apologies, dealing with difficult people and more. How To Be Yourself is a foolproof road map to authentic, lasting change. It truly is possible, once you know how. So take your first step towards a happier life and keep reading this book!

Chapter Two

The Human Condition

Do you ever lie awake at night worried about what you said yesterday? Does your lack of confidence drag you down at work? Do you feel your family, religion or occupation is stifling your personality but after living this way for so long you have forgotten who you really are?

If so, you are not alone. Thousands upon thousands of people feel exactly the same way. We know this because we ran an online survey and were inundated with responses from people describing the challenges they faced with truly being themselves. The fear of judgement and feeling 'lost' in life were the most common and reoccurring struggles facing our respondents. Psychologist and co-author Jane Briscoe also treats clients with these 'everyday' concerns on a regular basis. It really is common, but how did we end up like this?

First of all, it is important to understand that your yearning to belong, to fit in and be liked is not unique to you—everyone feels the same way. But why? If we all feel the same way why don't we all just relax and be ourselves ... say what we want to say and do what we want...