An Elegant Echo shares true stories that rely on real-life scenarios from C. J. Hoffman's forty-plus years of counseling experience, ultimately providing the encouragement and mind tools that will teach others how to change their negative thought patterns with positive affirmations. Hoffman addresses such common negative imprints as guilt and abandonment by offering stories that provide realistic examples of how negative words and situations imprinted during childhood can create unhealthy situations during adult life. Each story includes a valuable life lesson followed by a mission section that clarifies the subject of the story and concludes with a thought-provoking section that illustrates how the consistent overlay of simple positive statements in one's life can eliminate confusion in subconscious thought processes. From the story of Gene, a pastor whose negative imprints prevented him from trying anything new, to Annie, who needed to forgive her mother before she could forgive others, Hoffman offers a diverse collection of real-life experiences that exemplify how a few simple words from our past can affect our subconscious thoughts for a lifetime. An Elegant Echo provides practical, easy-to-use tools that will help others change the way they think, ultimately encouraging remarkable changes that lead to fulfillment and joy.

An Elegant Echo

Answering Your Negative Thought Patterns with Positive AffirmationsBy C. J. Hoffman

iUniverse, Inc.

Copyright © 2010 C. J. Hoffman
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4502-2615-8

Contents

Introduction.................................................................ixChapter 1: Marvin the Poor Soul..............................................1Chapter 2: The Guitar........................................................9Chapter 3: The Lie of the Hex................................................17Chapter 4: The Wide-Open Mind................................................25Chapter 5: Get Out of the Boat...............................................31Chapter 6: Harry and His Walk to the Present.................................37Chapter 7: The Obedience of Job and Overcoming Self-Pity.....................45Chapter 8: In Stormy Seas....................................................51Chapter 9: Dancing with Mario................................................57Chapter 10: Helen and Her Second Marriage....................................65Epilogue.....................................................................71

Chapter One

Marvin the Poor Soul

I attended Sara's rather beautiful wedding one Saturday in spring many years ago. My most vivid memory of the ceremony is that the groom kissed his new bride on the forehead at the end of it.

At the reception the ladies at my table chatted about how beautiful the gowns were, how spectacular the flowers were, and oh yes, the music was absolutely celestial. No one cared to address the hippo sitting in the middle of the table.

Even though we thought the groom's actions a bit bizarre, we made a silent pact by rolling our eyes and giving sidelong glances, so as not to judge the young man. And we shrugged the whole thing off as we toasted the happy couple.

Fast-forward nine years: One day in early summer, I received a phone call from Sara, and we made an appointment for a counseling session the following day. The subject of the session was to be her marriage.

If you were a guest at Sara's wedding and you were as curious as I was, you knew there was a back story about that kiss. You were sure that this appointment with Sara was on the horizon from the very beginning of her marriage and that, sooner or later, Sara would require the services of a counselor.

Sara arrived for her appointment already upset and in tears. I ignored the tears and instead asked her if she would like something to drink. She nodded and hiccupped in the affirmative.

I walked to the kitchen to get her some ice water, opened the cabinet, chose a pretty glass from the highest shelf, and filled it with icy spring water from a pitcher brought out from the refrigerator. I took my time walking back to the living room where I had left Sara. That bit of benevolent neglect gave her time and space to pull herself together, and she accepted the water I proffered with a much brighter "Thank you."

I was always gratified when a few moments alone dried up a woman's tears and resulted in a better frame of mind. And for a man who was desperate, that same bit of benign neglect would take his testosterone level down a few notches with the same results.

Sara began her sad story at the altar of the church where she was married, and she was prepared to bring me up-to-date by telling me every detail of her life with Marvin, her husband. She remembered every part of it like it happened yesterday, because she cycled those negative thoughts over and over in her mind for years especially that kiss.

When I mentioned the kiss, she confessed that she was very confused by her husband's odd behavior at the end of the wedding ceremony, but she decided not to address it during the reception. But after the reception, and as they rode off together on their way to their honeymoon in Canada, Sara discovered to her horror that she didn't need to question Marvin about the kiss. Marvin volunteered the answer to the question that she didn't have a chance to ask. Sara remembered that it was so well thought out and smoothly spoken to her that Marvin must have rehearsed it for some time before he devastated her with it.

According to Sara, the reason Marvin kissed her on the forehead on her wedding day was that Kathy, the woman Marvin really loved, had attended the ceremony. Marvin hadn't wanted to hurt Kathy's feelings, and when he was faced with giving Sara a real kiss, he decided on the forehead instead of the lips.

I was stunned by her story-so much so that for once I could not think of a thing to say except that I was very, very sorry.

How had Marvin kept this woman he really loved a secret while he dated Sara for two years and was engaged to her for two more before they married? Furthermore, how could he be so cruel as to apprise her of his plan after the wedding and as they were embarking on what should have been precious time together? I had so many questions, but I ignored the niggling in my mind to ask them as Sara continued-because that was not the end of her story.

Marvin further outlined what their married life would be like. He would visit Kathy twice a week for sexual relations. He and Sara would have sex until she became pregnant and had the child. After the birth of the child, they would do it all over again until she had borne him three children. After Sara had raised their children to school age, she would no longer be needed. She would leave their home, their children, and Marvin's life so that he could marry the woman whom he really loved.

Marvin hatched this grandiose scheme because Kathy couldn't bear children and Marvin wanted children. Now I needed a drink, but I was not sure that what I craved was water.

I finally stopped Sara well into her long litany of hurts and grievances, because I felt that I could be of help to her with the information that she had already given me. And I had heard enough about Marvin to last me for the rest of my life.

I asked Sara to put down the empty water glass that she was still clutching and to sit back in her chair, close her eyes, and relax. After a few moments, I quietly questioned her about what she was hearing in her mind. "What are the words that keep going round and round in your brain?"

At first, she could not detect any discernable words or phrases, but as she relaxed for the second time against the back of the blue wingback chair, she sighed. A good sign, I thought, that she was ready to listen for the words.

Suddenly she sat upright, with eyes wide open, and screamed again and again, "You always leave me. You always leave me."

I stood and slowly walked to her chair, knowing that her glazed eyes were not taking notice of me but were experiencing some far-removed trauma. I touched her shoulder, and she reacted with a start, just as if she had awakened from a nightmare, still shaking but in touch with reality.

After a few moments of quiet conversation, I was able to glean from her disjointed rambling that she had witnessed an experience in her childhood that had become a negative imprint. Sara had felt abandoned by her father, and the negative imprint became an amplified imprint when Marvin cruelly acquainted her with his idea of the way their marriage would play out. At the end of the marriage, when she was no longer needed to raise their children, Marvin convinced her that she would not only be abandoned by him but by those three children as well.

The imprint was no longer a neat one-story imprint. Thanks to...