Are You Ready?

Ever wonder if you are ready to add on to your family? Well here are a few things from experienced moms to think about to help you decide if you are ready or not ready for an addition to your family. Do you look at a baby and say, "Oh, how cute! I want one!" Do you say, "Babies are so cute! I can't wait to have one!" If this is you speaking, well, I hate to break it to you, but you're not ready!

Let's get real here. The word baby only applies for a very short amount of time. How long? Four months. After that, the child is an infant until he or she is a year old, at which point he or she becomes a toddler. This seems like a long period, but it flies by before you can blink. Unreal? Yeah ... no, it's not. You are so tired and sleep deprived through those four months; they come and go so fast that when you realize it, you don't have a baby anymore. In your mind, you are saying to yourself, "What happened?"

The reality is that you need to be ready and really want a child—a person in your life to raise, teach, and help become a respectable human being, an asset to the human race and society. You will have more time with a child than a baby. This is the thought that needs to go through your mind before you get pregnant. Are you ready and willing to do whatever it takes to raise a child? Do you see yourself with a child or only holding a baby? Take your time and think about it before making a move on this. Read this book! I hope it will open your eyes to the reality of what really happens with a baby/child and help you make an informed decision about whether you are ready to deal with it.

When I Found Out

I am going to share my pregnancy story and experiences in hopes that other women can relate and realize that it is okay to feel different. I was one of those women who felt different. When I found out I was pregnant, I was just finishing up graduate school, planning to become a professor at a university. I must admit that I cried and cried and, well, I cried some more when the little blue line showed up. I was not yet married to my fiancé, and we were in troubled times. I felt I did not have my life together just yet and was not ready to have a child come into this world. Though I did not think my life was over or blame the baby, I did feel cheated in life and just a year too short. I knew I was not going to be able to get a job anywhere because of the pregnancy and really had to make a decision on my relationship. My main focus became creating a family for my new baby and making sure I finished my master's so that when I could or wanted to go back to work, I had the education to do so with ease.

I was petrified by all these decisions I had to make so quickly. Internally, I still needed more time, but I did not have it physically. I am thankful to God that I am a fertile woman because I know some women have issues or may not be fertile at all. But I was still not at the place where I wanted to be before bringing a child into this world. My first decision was to get married. Some women choose differently, and that is okay too, no matter what people may tell you. My decision was my own. I did what I felt was right for me. Other women may think differently, and that is okay.

Through planning a wedding and finishing up my thesis, I realized that I did not enjoy pregnancy like women told me I should. Some women like being pregnant and actually enjoy it—well, not me. I'm one of the women who did not enjoy being pregnant. I thought I was a bad mother or horrible person for feeling that way, but I soon found out that I wasn't the only one who felt that way. Other women feel that way too, and if this is you, I want you to know that it is okay. No, it does not mean you are a bad person or mother. I mean, come on, you lose total control of your body, all these nauseating things start to happen to you, you are totally uncomfortable, and the list goes on. Why would you like it? Some women enjoy it or don't have such a bad experience with it. Lucky them!

I'm not going to sit here and say I had a bad pregnancy, because I didn't—well, not based on some of the horror stories I have heard from other moms. For example, some moms have morning sickness (which is not just in the morning; it's more like all day or at any part of the day) the entire duration of their pregnancy. Some have complications, and the list goes on. My pregnancy was pretty easy in itself; the only thing was that I had pubic symphysis diastasis. This is a condition in which the hormone relaxin causes the pelvis (pubic bone) to loosen. This is good for delivery, but in my case, the separation was exaggerated and moved incorrectly, which caused a great deal of pain in my sciatic nerve. This started at the fourth month of my pregnancy and got worse as the baby got bigger because of the weight and pressure on the nerve. This made me miserable. I was in a great deal of pain all the time. I was just not enjoying this miracle that was occurring in my body because of it.

Though I was in considerable pain, I still forced myself to exercise as much as I could without hurting myself. I walked and did arm exercises with bands in a mommy exercise group, which was my support group through this experience. I learned a lot from these mommies and made some new friends. Finding a support group for expecting moms and new moms was the best decision I made. I was able to talk to other moms and get feedback. They told me what worked for them and what didn't. I did ask a lot of questions because I was scared. I wondered how my life would change and if I would be a good mother.

I realized that I had started to become angry and gain resentment toward my husband. Now, I know that hormones change and can make pregnant women act a little "off," but I was more upset at myself, as well as angry at my husband for "doing this to me" when I wasn't ready. I didn't want a baby at this point in my life. I knew it was not the baby's fault, so I had to steer myself away from that and really focus on my emotional situation. I felt like a bad person for feeling this way. I felt a big burden on my shoulders and like I was trapped with a chain around my ankle.

I started therapy with my husband for this reason and other marital issues we were having. I was angry at him for "doing this to me" when I did not want it yet. I was also angry because his life didn't seem to change, but mine did, drastically, from what I ate to how I slept to what I could and could not do. I was angry for having to take care of someone again. I realized that this went back to my childhood. I grew up helping to care for my grandparents, whom I lived with until the age of nineteen, when my grandfather, the...