CHAPTER 1
Getting Out of the Pot
The parable of the boiling frog describes how researchers compared the responses of frogs in two different experiments. In the first scenario, researchers placed a frog into a pot of boiling water. Without hesitation and regardless of the water level, the frog immediately acted on instinct and jumped to safety. In the second scenario, a frog was put into a pot of water, but this time the water temperature began as comfortable and nonthreatening. Researchers then gradually raised the temperature and waited for the frog to realize it was in danger and take appropriate action. But this never happened. Although the frog displayed sporadic moments of pain and discomfort, it did nothing. It continued to endure, adapt, and withstand the intolerable environment. The frog became increasingly lethargic and less responsive until it died.
We too are often slowly boiled in the waters of conditioning, stress, anger, anxiety, worry, and fear and often don't know that our situation is dire. Instead of changing the way we live our lives, we continue, oblivious to the rising heat, until we meet our demise. Thankfully, if you are reading this book, you have noticed the heat and wish to jump out of the pot and into the cool waters of peace.
Your situation may not seem critical because the heat has been rising slowly. Sometimes it seems easier to stay with what we know rather than put forth the effort to venture into new territory. Staying in the pot seems okay; we really don't know that it will get hotter—or do we? We may think, If only I were a better swimmer, prettier, skinnier, more muscular, smarter, or a funnier frog, I could change my situation. So we swim around in the ever-warming pot, spending years trying to make ourselves better, worthy of life and love. As the temperature increases, we may start to worry and fret, complaining to everyone about the situation, blaming the universe for our troubles. We become lethargic, depressed, anxious, and hopeless, because no matter what we do, it doesn't seem to help. The temperature continues to rise even with all of our mental efforts to control the situation.
Does the water feel a little bit warm to you? Are you ready to jump, or do you prefer a new bathing suit so you can enjoy the Jacuzzi-like warmth of the pot?
You may ask, What do I do? How can I become happy if it is not through the material world? First, let me clarify that happiness is a shallow cousin to liberation. Happiness is a temporary state: it comes and goes based on what is happening in the world around us because it is dependent on conditions being the way we want them to be. We can be happy in the morning and sad by lunchtime. Liberation is independent of outer conditions; we are freed from negative states by unhooking ourselves from the chains of mental habits and habitual tendencies that bind us and make our lives difficult. When our minds are in turmoil, we can look within and we will find that we are resisting something. In other words, we want something—perhaps a thought, an emotion, or circumstance—to be different, to be like we want it to be.
This is the human condition; this is the source of our discontent. Of course it doesn't mean we shouldn't want things to be different than they are, but when we can't change life's circumstances and continue to pine for change, we increase the intensity of our discontent. It may even turn into powerful suffering. When we are unaware, thoughts and emotions form a groove in our consciousness and are replayed over and over again. In this case, habits rule us. However, when there is awareness, thoughts and emotions can arise and be seen for what they are, passing mental phenomena, and when not grasped, they don't leave a trace. Through awareness our lives are transformed. When encountering powerful emotions or negative circumstances, we may not overcome them, but we can learn to develop a nonacrimonious relationship with them. Mentally resisting our deep wounds seems to keep them more sensitive to the touch. By being willing to sit with the energy of what is arising, be it anger, sorrow, fear, or worry, we can come to find a place of peace and, hopefully, deep insight. If we don't hold onto expectations that life will get better or be different than it is right now, we might find moments of peace and joy arising in our consciousness.
To understand our lives, it helps to consider the culture we have been raised in and the assumptions we make about life itself. For example, in American culture in general, our most important values include wealth, prestige, individualism, material success, science and technology, and a strong work ethic, to name a few. Our focus is placed almost exclusively on the outer conditions of life—the material world. We try to manipulate the world to our whims, seeking something outside of us to fill us up and make our lives more meaningful. So we strive and work hard to capture the American dream. We are more centered on ourselves and our goals, with only a few, select people within our inner circle who receive the benefit of our efforts. "Every man for himself" seems like a plausible aphorism for life, but in reality, it hasn't worked out so well for us. There seems to be something missing in our lives that the material world can't give us.
Many people struggle with guilt for most of their lives and with regret at the end of their lives, wishing they could start over and do it all "right." Each of us will face the last moments of our lives with either regret or peace. Some of us will wait until the last minute to determine what is truly important, while others will consider this theme throughout their lives. Some may never get to the question at all, dying before they consider the lives they have lived. I'd like to suggest that we consider this question while we still have time to do so. In this way, we can make adjustments to our lives while we have sufficient energy and resources. Then we won't come to the end of our days filled with guilt and regret, but will feel that we have lived full and rich lives.
To find a reliable remedy for dissatisfaction, we will find help by looking at the lives of the great masters and saints of the past who spent quality time looking into themselves. They have all contributed to our understanding in different ways. Although these inspirational beings come from different traditions, the core of their insights are profoundly similar in nature. They found that in order to find meaning in life, we need to look inside ourselves. This is different than our normal approach of looking outward for something to bring meaning. It may even feel counterintuitive. Through looking at the landscape of our inner world, we will find the answers that we have...
