CHAPTER 1
SPACE AROUND THE TABLE
The family table is a much-needed break in the midst of the grind.
God never hurries. There are no deadlines against which He must work. Only to know this is to quiet our spirits and relax our nerves.
A. W. TOZER, THE PURSUIT OF GOD
Take It Slow
AMY
If you've spent any time in an airport, you know that travel means hurry, delay, run, sit, and "throw all of your plans out the window — you're sleeping in a chair tonight at gate D31." Ted speaks at marriage conferences and date night challenges around the country, so we travel often as a family. And we used to eat way too much junk food on the road. We would go to the nearest chain restaurant, quickly order, ask for the check as the food arrived, and eat everything on our plate. Planning margin to enjoy a meal was not even a consideration. It wasn't long before we found ourselves a few pounds heavier and depleted nutritionally and emotionally.
Something needed to change. I picked up magazines in airports on cooking healthy and eating real food. Then came the cookbooks. Eventually I gathered several recipes with fresh ingredients and bold flavors.
While home for extended periods of time, I prepared the new dishes. We spent less time watching the Food Network and more time in the kitchen. Good, wholesome food on the table slowed us down too. The time, preparation, and care put into a meal made us savor it.
This new take on food challenged us to step up to the plate when we traveled. We now google farm-to-table, locally sourced restaurants in the area. We schedule our travel around having wholesome, longer meals upon arrival in a new city. Ted, Corynn, and I find ourselves anticipating great meals in new places. We talk about it leading up to the meal. Most times, it is not forgotten once consumed. We relive the meal days, months, and years later. Sure, the food is important to us, but the experience becomes a memory that we savor and hold on to. The equation? Good conversation with family and friends + environment + service + good food = a blessed memory to enjoy together.
The desire to slow down the pace of our kitchens, tables, and homes is catching on. The Slow Food Movement launched in 1989, three years after Carlo Petrini, an Italian journalist, condemned McDonald's for moving next door to a Spanish gourmet restaurant. Fast food in Rome? What would this do the health and culture of Italy?
The Slow Food Manifesto states,
We are enslaved by speed and have all succumbed to the same insidious virus: Fast Life, which disrupts our habits, pervades the privacy of our homes and forces us to eat Fast Foods. To be worthy of the name, Homo Sapiens should rid himself of speed before it reduces him to a species in danger of extinction. ... May suitable doses of guaranteed sensual pleasure and slow, long-lasting enjoyment preserve us from the contagion of the multitude who mistake frenzy for efficiency. Our defense should begin at the table with Slow Food. Let us rediscover the flavors and savors of regional cooking and banish the degrading effects of Fast Food. ... Slow Food guarantees a better future.
While we appreciate the passion in this manifesto, we are not fanatics. There are few choices and no fine dining options between Tulsa, Oklahoma, and Springfield, Missouri. We've had more than a few cheeseburgers from McDonald's on that route. We joke, "Let's call it 'quick-service food' instead of 'fast food' to make ourselves feel better about this."
Balance is our goal. Speed is the enemy of intimacy. We do not want our meal pace to reflect our work pace. The family table is best served slow, not fast. In the midst of the grind of life, God wants us to pause, slow down, and enjoy what He provides. Ecclesiastes 3:12-13 says, "I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil — this is the gift of God." Just as Jesus reclined at the table of a Pharisee (Luke 7:36) and with His disciples at the Last Supper (Luke 22:14), we recline at the family table to give children and parents room to breathe. The drive-throughs of the fast-food movement escalate our chaotic schedules. Intentionally slowing down around the family table provides much-needed balance in the home through creating space for margin, safety, and laughter.
The Family Table Creates Margin
Comedian Tim Hawkins jokes about the fact that everyone today is in a rush. When someone needs to use your bathroom, they ask, "Could I use your restroom real quick?" When was the last time someone asked, "Could I use your restroom for a really long time? I don't know what's going to happen in there"? We have forgotten why it is called a restroom. We should rest while we are in there. Why are we in such a big hurry? Whatever happened to margin?
Author Richard Swenson describes margin as "the space that once existed between ourselves and our limits." The benefits of margin are "good health, financial stability, fulfilling relationships, and availability for God's purposes." Our homes need it. We fizzle and fade without it. We are grumpy when we don't get enough of it. Too much of it and some consider us lazy.
Margin means room to breathe. It's a reserve. Have you ever felt panic and anxiety and helplessness in the face of being almost out of gas and unable to find a gas station? Margin keeps a little fuel in the tank. Margin refuses to run on fumes. It does not rush from one errand or meeting to another.
Margin is the gap between your load and your limit — and the family table increases the space between your family's load and limit. Our family used to say yes to every request for a meeting or counseling appointment, every invitation to a party, every meal invite. But we are a much happier and healthier family when we say no to other good stuff and yes to time around the table.
Never allow your load to be dictated by anyone else. After all, you are the expert on your limit. There's not another person on the planet who understands or controls your limit. No one knows you better than you. The understanding of your physical, emotional, and relational limits determines your necessary margin.
Scripture calls us to a margin-filled life. God rested after creating for six days. Jesus ministered to multitudes, and then He rested. We read in Mark 6:30, "The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught." They were running full steam in their ministry, giving the reports to Him. He told them, "Hey, let's break away and chill for a while. Let's...
