Too Fat To Dance is a hilarious story about one young lady's struggle to follow her ultimate life goal. With the encouragement from her eccentric family, Taffy Johnson is proof that dreams really can come true when off-beat Southern hospitality, Spinach Madeleine, and Bloody Marys are all involved.
Too Fat To Dance
By David LuckAuthorHouse
Copyright © 2009 David Luck
All right reserved.ISBN: 978-1-4490-1799-6Chapter One
Welcome to Alexander and Come Meet the Family!
Alexander, Louisiana is located in the center of the state. Population is about 50 thousand. It's the bull's eye on the target of unoriginal. Alexander has a lot of similarities to cities in Texas where football, cheerleading and beauty pageants are the # 1 priorities. Unlike Lafayette and New Orleans, Alexander has very little character and what character it does have is stale. It's a town that does not like change.
There are a few good attributes to this common center point of the Pelican State, such as two extremely unusual families: The Waters and The Johnsons.
First, Glen and Maple Waters. Glen's family owned Alexander's first department store (appropriately named: Waters). Eventually, Waters Department Store specialized only in jewelry. Glen was a beautiful boy and the only child of William and Ann Waters. He graduated with a degree in Business from Tulane University. Glen's dedication and knowledge of business brought to Waters Jewelry remarkable success. By 1950, there were six Waters Jewelry Stores located throughout central and north Louisiana.
The young, handsome entrepreneur met his wife Maple at a Christmas party which he gave for all his employees who worked at his Alexander and Natchitoches stores. Maple was the guest of Mrs. Vanderlick who managed the china department for the Alexander store.
Maple was from Woodworth, Louisiana. She wasn't a beauty, but she was as cute as a bug (one with a stinger). Maple loved parties and started smoking hand-rolled cigarettes at age seven. The petite pistol was the daughter of Ken and June Jacobs.
Ken Jacobs was an alcoholic who worked as a butcher. June Jacobs was taken to a home of the insane when Maple was just a little girl. June thought she was a cow which made it extremely difficult to be married to a butcher. The last straw for Ken was when he came home from work one day and found June, naked as a jay bird, in the pasture eating grass with their neighbor's cows.
Maple had two older brothers who were murdered by an angry drunk. The young men were running an underground moonshine business and were shot to death by a customer who had no money for his fix.
When Glen Waters was first introduced to Maple Jacobs at the store Christmas party, he thought she was the cat's meow. After only dating for four months, the two were married. Needless to say, Glen's parents were not thrilled with his decision to marry Maple. The flirtatious flapper disturbed William and Ann Waters.
After two years of marriage, Glen and Maple Waters became the proud parents of adorable twin boys. They named the little fellows: Ash (short for Ashley) Jacob Waters and Hank Richard Waters. Maple thought about naming the babies after her two older brothers who were killed, but Ducky and Ernie Joe Waters - just didn't fit her beautiful boys. The Waters twins were different as night and day. Ash was about school and sports. Hank was about peace and performing.
Ash's goal was to take over the family business; therefore, he decided to attend Harvard to earn his MBA. Spring Break of 1966 changed Ash's life forever.
He found Gert Couvillion, the most amazing person in the world, and the woman with which he would share the rest of his life.
The two met at the Kappa Alpha fraternity house when Ash was visiting a friend who attended Tulane. Gert (which is short Gertrude) had just gotten kicked out of Loyola for not going to class. To celebrate her freedom, she decided to go with a few friends to the Kappa Alpha luau which was held in back of the frat house. Ash had noticed Gert immediately when she walked in wearing a bright pink shirt and a grass skirt. She was with two other attractive girls, but Ash didn't notice them. His focus was on the beautiful girl with big green eyes and olive skin. As she greeted everyone on her way to the open bar, he watched every move she made.
He smiled when Gert gave the black bartender a big hug. Apparently, the man had worked at several of her parent's social gatherings. Ash couldn't get over his infatuation with her. She worked the crowd, oblivious that the back of her skirt was smoking. A long, dry blade of grass from the skirt had landed in a candle that was on the bar when she was giving the bartender a hug. Ash quickly ran over and tackled her to the ground, rolling her over and over. When her skirt stopped smoking, Ash, who was laying on top her, smiled and said, "I think we got it out." Gert, looking eye to eye at this strikingly handsome man with deep blue eyes, pitch black hair, and a chiseled face, replied, "I hope you're not this rough getting it in." The two then burst out in laughter. From that moment, the two instant soul mates have been together.
The next day, they had breakfast at The Royal Orleans. They consumed cheese grits and omelets while being consumed with each other's life stories; also consumed were six hours worth of Bloody Marys. As Ash, Gert also came from money. Her family owned the Cajun Coffee empire.
While Ash was away finishing his studies at Harvard, Gert ended up staying with her wealthy aunt in Shreveport and concentrated on her art work. The two were married three days after Ash's graduation and settled in Alexander so that he could help run his family's jewelry stores. After the stores were sold to a major chain in 1972, Ash and Gert moved to Lafayette. He put his MBA from Harvard to good use and made a fortune in oil around the late seventies when the oil business was booming in Lafayette. In 1975, Gert's father became ill and she and her brother, Carl Couvillion, inherited the Cajun Coffee Corporation.
The Couvillion family was one of the most prominent families in New Orleans. It seemed like every year, one of Carl's eleven children could be seen in the wedding announcement section of Town & Country. Although Gert enjoyed her frequent visits to New Orleans for business matters and to see her brother's family, she eventually sold her part of the Cajun Coffee empire to Carl. In 1976, Gert had triplets and Ash made millions in the oil field.
Because of Ash's early financial success, he retired and moved the troop back to Alexander in 1989 where they lived in his family's historical mansion. He and Gert spent 2-million dollars renovating his parents' plantation and the triplets attended high school at Holy Cross, which was the only private Catholic school in town. The triplets inherited Ash and Gert's good looks and the three, two boys and one girl, all had personalities of their own.
Sophia was a no nonsense type of girl, a classic beauty with the street smarts of a successful drug dealer. William (who was named after his grandfather) was the quiet brilliant over-achiever and the only one of the triplets with blonde hair. H.J. was the good ole boy and class clown. He barely made C's but his attitude and disposition achieved A+ status. His initials stood for Hank, Junior. He was named after his uncle, who was his father's favorite person in the world, as well as his twin brother.
Unlike Ash, Hank Waters was never involved with the family business. After graduating from Alexander Senior High, he moved to New York City to fulfill his dream of becoming a famous comedian. Hank didn't have to struggle much financially because of his wealthy family back in Alexander. He attended acting classes and did a few Off-Broadway plays. When he turned 23,...
