CHAPTER 1
FIND YOUR HEART
I'm a seeker. When I'm still and silent, I receive clarity for my search. I also allow what is seeking me to find me.
Life is like a game of hide-and-seek. Some of what we search for is hidden in plain sight, and some can be found in unexpected places. As the years go by, I go deeper to seek the answers, for they're often already hidden inside of me. The older I get, the more my search gives way to what was actually seeking me all the while. I imagine there is universality to my experience.
There are those natural transitions in life when we spend more time in contemplation, search, and discovery: graduation, marriage, job changes, the birth of a child, a cross-country move, illness, retirement, or the death of a loved one.
Sometimes I'm not so much the active seeker as the one who's being sought. When I'm still and silent, I receive the illumination of clarity for my search and hear the active voice of what might be seeking me. It might be a new direction, a new insight to consider, or a new action to take that will forever chart a changed course for my life.
One Sunday, my pastor spoke about following your call. She suggested we need to listen to the call and heed it, even when it doesn't follow what we had intended or planned for our lives. At such times, we're being sought.
Her words made me think of the twists and turns that have come into my life and how often I thought I knew where the path was taking me — only to find it wasn't where I was supposed to be at all.
There are benefits to surrendering from our preconceived notions and plans. I seldom like to surrender fully because I value having a sense of control. When I do surrender, I allow life to do its thing. I allow myself to be sought rather than to be the seeker.
When I move intentionally and with my whole being into a new, sweet place of surrender, I let go of the sense of control I usually carry on my shoulders. Consequently, the weight of my burdens lessens and often completely disappears.
As a result of that intentional action on my part, amazing things happen. When I don't force things to go a certain way (the way I think they should go), a better way makes itself known. I see life as a series of curvy paths. The straight lines no longer look quite as attractive. By allowing for some serendipity and synchronicity, a new way of seeing and being unfolds.
So it was when I started dating my husband. I was recovering from a previous year that had included a divorce, a mastectomy (my second in less than five years), and chemotherapy. I was gaunt and pale and trying to figure out how to move my life forward after loss and illness. I let myself be completely flat-chested without trying to hide the fact that I had undergone bilateral mastectomies by the age of thirty-five. I wore a wig in a hairstyle that was foreign to me in order to hide the baldness that had come with treatment. As soon as I had enough wispy fuzz growing on my head, I removed the wig. Despite the emotional and physical trauma I had experienced, I wanted to be in a loving relationship. Rather than dwell on it, however, I let go and focused instead on my healing. It was at that same time that I began serving on a committee through our local chamber of commerce. Among those seated at the table was the new executive director of the city's local theater. After attending a few committee meetings together, the theater director asked me out, much to my surprise. Although I didn't look what I'd call my best, Larry saw beyond my flat chest, my budding hair, my pale skin, and my gaunt frame and decided I was worth a date. My letting go of a particular outcome led to an enduring and loving relationship with Larry, one that has lasted twenty-four years and counting.
Whatever is seeking you may not be a life partner, a career path, or a new city in which to live. It might be as simple (or perhaps as difficult) as being a source of love and light in the lives of others, bringing words of hope during ordinary and extraordinary times. You may be called to do something you could never have imagined for yourself.
How will you know if you've found your heart? Be still. Be. Listen carefully. As the answers come, see how they resonate with you. There may be some surprises. You may resist what you hear. But if you can accept and embrace the answers you receive, begin to move forward. Set goals and identify the first steps toward achieving them.
The more you stop what you're doing, quiet your mind, and listen deeply, the more you'll be able to hear the true words of your calling — the finding of your heart. Then and only then will you know the path to follow.
CHAPTER 2
HOPEFUL HEART
I have dreams for my life. I take positive action toward them every day, even if they're small steps.
Everyone is talking about having a bucket list these days — a list of those things you hope to accomplish before the end of your life, such as learning to play the piano or traveling to Paris.
Although I consider myself to be pragmatic, there is a dreamer inside of me just as there is in everyone. I don't have a bucket list exactly, but I do have ideas and dreams for my life. I hope I'll always have dreams and aspirations. Their good energy propels me into each new day with anticipation.
Developing our dreams is an exciting and energetic process. Deep inside each of our hearts is that special and sacred place where our dreams and aspirations are born and nurtured. They're in a constant process of forming and growing until they're ready to burst forth. The process cannot and should not be ignored, for dreams will have their way of tugging at us until we acknowledge and feed them.
What dreams do you carry in that safe, secret, and sacred place in your heart? What dreams are waiting to burst forth? How do you plan to manifest them? What is stopping you?
Be bold. Take action. Don't be scared by the prospect of a huge leap. Take a small step. The first step can seem hard, but doing nothing at all is even harder. An unrealized dream will only lead to regret. A small step will propel you forward and build your confidence, leading to the next step and the next until...
