Childhood

My childhood home was located in Smith Hill, which is six miles east of Arcola, Louisiana. We lived in a wood frame house with a wooden stove in the kitchen, and a wooden heater in the living room. This home originally belonged to my grandparents on my father's side. My aunts and uncles lived in that very same home when I was small. I remember there being wall paper on the walls and some areas had holes. One of the things I enjoyed most was singing on the porch (like today's patio). When people came to visit, the children were sent to the backyard to play. I was the third child in the family, my older sister was raised by my grandmother. She was not my father's child. My siblings were as follows: Elaine, Jessie, Junior, Jerry, Larry and me.

I always found ways to get my brothers in trouble. I would make Kool-Aide out of Mama's jam juice and give it to them. We would all get a whipping. Mama and Daddy had their bed in the living room. I had my own room next to theirs and the boys all shared one room. We also had a room for Big Mama, my mother's mom.

Growing up as a child can be rewarding and sometimes very difficult. I had to get up early in the morning and help my mother with breakfast. My job everyday was to feed the chickens and gather eggs. We had a small garden, if there was anything to be gathered before school we had to do it. I had to wash dishes after supper (dinner today), I could not relax after I ate. I had to clean the kitchen, sweep the kitchen floor and the living room/bedroom floor. Daddy would be laying in their bed watching every stroke I made with the broom. He had his shoes in a certain spot and I had to move and sweep there and put them back in the same position. I made a vow. When I grew up that I would not wash dishes or sweep until I got good and ready.

My brothers had to feed the hogs as well as get the produce from the garden. My father was a logger, so he would keep my brothers out of school Monday thru Thursday to help him cut logs. On Fridays, the school would have tests. Because my brothers only came on Fridays they would not pass the tests. They soon became discouraged and dropped out. The chores seemed to never end, we had to bring grass from the field to plant in the front yard. We had well water that we pulled up with a rope. It was very good water. We had to peel post that was used to build fences. My brothers even had to cut wood for the stove and heater, my father would mark on the porch where the wood needed to be placed. To earn extra money my brothers would work for my great uncle gathering his crops. My father worked on Monday thru Thursday, and Friday thru Sunday he would spend at the bar room with other women.

I was a happy child. My name Barbara meant to me, "Blessings are sent." I received clothes from my aunts in California and from my mother's day job. To me those were blessing. I had a secret place in the woods, where I would daydream. I would dream of me being on stage speaking words and people were listening to me. I don't remember what I was saying, but I was somebody very important. To this day, when I get lonely and sad, I go back to this vision. I went to school up until the fifth grade in the country. My mother was afraid of my father, so I did not get to go to my graduation. I cried all night. My eyes were swollen, but I took pictures in my cap and gown the next day. After fifth grade I graduated to the sixth grade and went to school about 11 miles away.

Mr. AC Sims drove the bus. My cousin Lynn and I were his favorites. Mr. Sims would leave us at the store while he transported others home, he would come back to get us later. I was known as the country girl going to school in the city.

For lunch I often took biscuits, butter and jelly sandwiches. I would hide behind the tree to eat because I was ashamed of what I was eating.

My First Boyfriend

Eddy was my first boyfriend, he sought my dad's permission to date me, and I was 12 at the time. Since my dad was a logger Eddy had to go to the woods to speak to my father about dating me. My brothers often teased me about having a boyfriend. I would meet Eddy at my secret place in the woods, this was the place where I daydreamed. Eddy was six feet tall and very handsome. At an early age I lost my virginity to Eddy because he promised to marry me. Since he was older, Eddy already had two children by two different girls, this is not what I wanted for me, this would have been too much for me to handle. Many times he asked me to run away with him, but I was afraid that he would abuse me. I knew Eddy cared for me deeply, but when it came to love, I was unfamiliar with that term because no one ever used the word love in my household. The closest thing to love was Eddy visiting me on the weekend and bringing me a loaf of bread, baloney, cheese, and a strawberry soda.

My father was very abusive to my mother. These episodes took place every three to six months. I would pray to God that my father would not kill my mother. It never entered my mind to pray for him to stop abusing her. These episodes affected me to the point that it made me so nervous I wet the bed every night. My grades in school suffered as a result of this, my grades were C's and D's.

There was a big difference in the experiences of city kids and kids from the country. City kids knew nothing about outside plumbing, farming, or chores that go along with being from the country. They had inside plumbing and their chores were consistent with chores inside the home using modern appliances.

At the age of 13, my dad gave me permission to go to California to continue my education. Two of my cousins were driving to Los Angeles and they were willing to take me. Eddy was unhappy about my decision to leave, but I was going anyway. Mama made me fried chicken, biscuits, and jelly sandwiches. During the ride I daydreamed a lot about being someone very important. I was thinking no more outside bathroom, no more picking beans and strawberries, no more chickens to feed or gathering eggs, and most of all, no more nervous stomach. The countryside was beautiful, and the ride through Texas appeared to take forever. After driving day and night for two days,...