WARTIME STORIES

COUNTRY REFRESHMENT

A Yankee scout was on a long country road, looking for signs of Forrest's Cavalry. He became thirsty so decided to stop at a little cottage and ask for something to drink or eat.

The lady of the house, though not too disposed to helping Yankees, invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire. There was a wee pig running around the kitchen, running up to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention. The Yankee commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly.

The Southern woman replied: "Ah, he's not that friendly. That's his bowl you're using."

LINCOLN COUNTRY

In July 1861 Forrest, then a colonel, was in Memphis at the Gayoso House Hotel lounge recruiting for his cavalry.

A man walked into the lounge and ordered a beer just as someone commented about a newspaper article concerning President Lincoln. After a few sips the man looked over at the newspaper and mumbled, "Now there's the biggest horse's rear end I've ever seen."

Immediately, a customer at the far end of the bar got up, walked over, punched the man, and left.

A few minutes later, the visitor was finishing his beer when someone mentioned an article about Mrs. Mary Todd Lincoln. "She's a horse's behind too," the man said.

A customer from the other end of the bar got up, walked over, and knocked him off his stool.

"Dang-it!" the man said, climbing back up to the bar and facing Forrest. "This must be Lincoln country!"

"Nope," Forrest replied. "Horse country!"

HELL

General (then colonel) Forrest had been severely wounded at the Battle of Fallen Timbers, the day after the Battle of Shiloh. He was taken and treated at a Confederate hospital in Corinth, Mississippi.

As Forrest lay in bed, a Union officer was brought in, wounded and unconscious from a shell explosion, and placed on the adjoining bed.

During the night a huge fire occurred in a large warehouse across the street from the hospital. As the flames, visible from all windows of the hospital, lept all around the building, Forrest leaned over and awoke the Yankee officer.

"Why are you shaking me?" asked the Yankee.

Forrest replied, "I didn't want you to wake suddenly and see all those flames and think that your surgery was a failure."

AUNT LIZZY, AND THE MORAL OF THE STORY....

During the War Between the States, school education in the South continued as best as it could. In one Southern school the teacher gave her younger students an assignment: get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Carralyn said, "Our family are farmers and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the wagon when we hit a big bump in the road, and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess."

"What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"

"Very good," said the teacher.

Next little Laura raised her hand and said,

"Our family are farmers too, but we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time but when they hatched we only got ten chicks, and the moral to this story is, "don't count your chickens before they're hatched."

"That was a fine story Laura."

"Jonathon, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes. Not long ago my Aunt Elizabeth was in her buggy headed to town to shop, and the horse spooked. Aunt Lizzy was careening down the hill toward town and couldn't stop. In her buggy all she had was a big jug of moonshine that she was going to sell, a shotgun and my uncle's Bowie knife. That buggy was headed right for a Yankee patrol, and Aunt Lizzy was going to plow right into them. So she quickly drank the whiskey so it wouldn't break, and then she landed right in the middle of those Yankees. She killed a bunch of them with both barrels of the shotgun and then killed twenty more with the Bowie knife until the blade broke. Then, she killed the last ten with her bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did you get from that awful story?"

"Stay the HECK away from Aunt Lizzy when she's been drinking."

SEVERE WHIPPIN'

Shortly after the 1863 battle of Chickamauga, one of Forrest's most ardent and spirited troopers was captured and later held in a prison camp.

Each morning, the prison commandant, likewise a Chickamauga veteran, would pass by the prison yard, and the Confederate would call out, "Whuuuee. We sure whipped y'all at Chickamauga."

Day after day, the Confederate trooper would remind the yanks, "Whuuuee, we sure whipped y'all at Chickamauga."

Finally, the Union officer could stand it no more and had the cavalryman brought into his office.

"Reb," the yank officer said, "I've had enough of your gloating about your victory at Chickamauga, so I'm going to have you shot, or you can galvanize and join the Union army."

The Confederate thought about this and very reluctantly enlisted in the Union army as a private at the prison.

The next day the commandant strode by the area where the ex-Confederate was working, and the ex-Reb called out, "Whuuuee, those Rebs sure whipped us at Chickamauga."

OUTNUMBERED 3 TO 1

Just before the 1864 battle of Brice's Crossroads, General Forrest addressed his troops.

"Men, the Yankee army is near, and we will be going into a great battle to drive the invaders out. We will be outnumbered 3 to 1. Shoot straight, do your duty, and follow your flag towards the enemy."

The next day, as the battle raged, with shot, shell, and bullets whizzing and flying all around, Forrest was riding along the battleline encouraging his men when he saw a private standing behind a tree just whittling on a stick.

"Soldier, what are you doing? We're outnumbered 3 to 1 and you should be fighting. Why aren't you shooting?"

The private replied: "General, I already got my 3."

ON THE UNION SIDE

Prior to the battle of Brice's Crossroads the Union Army was on its march out of Memphis on its way to engage Confederate General Nathan Bedford Forrest and his invincible cavalry.

A Yankee captain addressed his men:

"You will soon be going into a great battle. You will be facing a most formidable foe: Bedford Forrest and his cavalry. Some of you will be killed, slain, maimed, wounded, injured or lost. But I want you to be strong and fight them toe to toe and face to face. Stand tall and follow your flag towards the enemy."

Sergeant: "Sir, that's really inspirational. How come you're so brave?"

Captain: "Because I'm not going."

MAKING FACES

During the war a very young Southern Belle was traveling on the Memphis & Charleston Railroad and had the unpleasant task...