If Only

Acclaimed author Jennifer Gilmore’s intimate and achingly beautiful novel deftly explores the role that chance and choice play in shaping the lives of two teenagers who are separated by sixteen years, but whose lives are intertwined.

*Two Starred Reviews!*

"This emotional, visceral novel haunted me in the best ways. Jennifer Gilmore has written something of real depth, which will leave readers thinking for a long time about the lives that other people lead, as well as the ones they might have led. If Only is gripping and shiveringly beautiful; a true achievement.”—Meg Wolitzer, bestselling author of The Interestings and Belzhar

BEFORE: When Bridget imagined her life at sixteen, it didn’t look like this. She didn’t think that her boyfriend would dump her for another girl. And she certainly didn’t think that she would be pregnant.

With just a few months until she gives birth, Bridget must envision an entirely new future—one for her baby. But as she sifts through the many paths and the many people who want to parent her child, she can’t help but feel that there is no right decision.

AFTER: Ivy doesn’t know much about her birth mother. She knows that she is now the same age Bridget was when she placed Ivy for adoption. She knows that Bridget was the one who named her. And she knows that fifteen years ago Bridget disappeared from Ivy’s and her adoptive moms’ lives.

Ivy wants to discover more about herself, but as she goes to find Bridget, she can’t help but feel that the risks might far outweigh the benefits of knowing where she comes from and why her birth mother chose to walk away.

“Gilmore brings special yet subtle artistry to her interwoven story, weaving motifs and even seemingly extraneous people through the different iterations to keep each version connected with the others.”—BCCB (starred review)

“Gilmore’s gritty multigenerational tale not only seeks to ask adoption’s toughest questions, but dares to offer no easy answers: Not to be missed.”—Kirkus (starred review)

“Gilmore’s writing is emotionally raw yet beautiful, touching upon some traditional Y.A. themes…with an almost mystical feel.”—New York Times Book Review

What happens when the past you can’t remember defines the future you can’t imagine?

• A Dual Timeline Narrative: Told in two voices: Bridget, a pregnant teen in 2000 facing an impossible choice, and Ivy, her daughter in 2017, searching for the mother she never knew.
• An Emotional Adoption Story: Explores the raw, complex feelings of both a birth mother and an adopted child with nuance and unflinching honesty.
• LGBTQ+ Representation: Features a heartfelt portrayal of a loving, supportive family with two moms at its center.
• A "What If" Story: Woven with powerful vignettes of the alternate lives both girls might have led, exploring the profound impact of a single decision.

Jennifer Gilmore is the author is the author of If Only and We Were Never Here as well as three novels for adults: The Mothers, Something Red, and Golden Country (a New York Times Notable Book, a finalist for the Los Angeles Times Book Prize, and a finalist for the National Jewish Book Award). She teaches writing and literature at Harvard University. She lives in Brooklyn with her husband and son. Visit her at www.jennifergilmore.net.