In 2008, Lora-Neish realized that her life had suddenly gone from bad to worse-she just kept failing, no matter how hard she tried. Finally one afternoon, desperate for an answer, she attempted to remember a time when she was genuinely happy. The answer came almost immediately-from the moment she welcomed Jesus back into her heart, her life began to change dramatically. In her memoir, God Said It's Time for Closure, Lora-Neish shares compelling personal anecdotes that detail her experiences during difficult periods in her life and illustrate her often challenging journey through emotional devastation, abuse, and rejection that eventually led to a new beginning inspired by guidance from the Bible. As a survivor of not only a tragic childhood, but also rape, Lora- Neish learned to internalize her pain, comforting herself only with unhealthy relationships, drugs, and alcohol. Through her poignant anecdotes, Lora-Neish demonstrates how she was given a second chance at life through the love of Jesus Christ. God Said It's Time for Closure is an unforgettable story of survival and a testimony to others that no matter what is endured in life, it is still possible to reach for the stars with the help of Jesus Christ.
God Said It's Time For Closure
A Journey Through A Little Girl's LifeBy Lora-NeishiUniverse, Inc.
Copyright © 2011 Lora-Neish
All right reserved.ISBN: 978-1-4620-5032-1 Contents
Introduction.................................................1Events That Inspired This Book...............................3What to Expect...............................................7Who knew that toddlers had it hard too?......................9Character Building time......................................11Moving again.................................................13The Break Down of the Unit...................................17Punishment fit for a princess................................23Girls........................................................27Who Am I Really?.............................................29A New Beginning..............................................31Daddy's Turn.................................................33It's your turn Mom...........................................43All Hopes for Trust was now Dead!............................51Just as I thought I had my life together.....................55Time to grow up..............................................59I Am A Fighter...............................................65Back to Reality..............................................67Freedom......................................................75Moving Into Destiny..........................................79The Road To Destiny..........................................81Discovering the Power of God.................................85My Evaluation of My Life.....................................99
Chapter One
Events That Inspired This Book
In 2008 I was twenty seven years old living in Florida with my three daughters, and husband. I had everything: diamonds, cars, clothes, money, houses and my beauty. Everything looked perfect from the outside, but on the inside I was a total wreck. I had no real friends in my life, and no one wanted to stay around me.
People were coming, and going out of my life constantly. The majority were with me for what I could give them, or who they could become affiliated with through me. The few people that actually were genuine to me I would unknowingly push them away. My mother was not a part of my life in anyway, and my father publicly made it known that he wanted to have nothing to do with me. My father took his anger toward me one step further by telling all of his brothers, sisters, nephew, nieces, employees, and friends to avoid me. My children were out of control, and my husband stopped spending time with me.
The man that I am married to began coming home between 3 and 5a.m. every morning. He would go right to sleep, and wake up by 10a.m Once he was awake he would take a shower, and leave for the day. I knew nothing about his where abouts, or who he spent his time with. My husband had keys to other houses, and more than two cell phones. He was well known in our little town, but none of his friends spoke to me. Eventually almost no one spoke to me in this town. The disrespect was so obvious that if I walked into a store and someone recognized me they would walk out of the store, or just remain cold and silent while I was there.
Weed and alcohol became my best friends during this time; I took them with me everywhere. I started abusing everything, and everyone. I developed an unquenchable appetite for everything. Nothing satisfied me. I was alone, and very needy. I needed my husband's attention, so everything that I did was over the top. I was always trying to be his friend, his wife, his lover, his everything. I wanted him all to myself, and he wanted nothing to do with me. Once my efforts were rejected I became rebellious against him. Eventually I wanted to kill him.
Depression sunk in, and I not only wanted to kill him, but my kids and myself too. I started to hear voices in my head, and have moments of complete black outs. I became very afraid of myself. I had lost control, and sadness was an everyday thing for me. I cried all the time no matter where I was. The only good thing I had was the wisdom to seek for help.
Eventually my husband took me to see a psychologist who did nothing for me, but make me worst. My husband insisted on being present, and turned all of my counseling sessions into our counseling sessions. After my third session with this psychologist I walked away knowing that I was going to take the mini a.k. riffle that I had, and kill everyone first, and then myself. I could not let that happen, so I drove myself to the local mental hospital. Once I had calmed down I convinced them to release me that day, and they sent me to a local women's counseling group. The counselor there violated me. She called the police on me, and caused me to feel more pain than I had before I went to see her.
My life had gone from bad to worse, but I wanted to fight to be alive for my kids. I love my kids. I was always letting them down, I just kept failing. Even when I tried to get help I failed. I needed to change; I needed help. I sat down one afternoon trying to remember one time when I was genuinely happy, and then I remembered Jesus. Every memory of true happiness throughout my previous years included Jesus.
I decided to commit myself totally to Jesus once again. I decided that if Jesus failed me, or this new lifestyle did not work out for me them I could kill myself. I found a church, rededicated my life to Jesus and started attending church regularly. My life started to change drastically. I became sober a few months later. Certain bad habits that I had were just falling off of me without much effort from me. My faith level was rising, and I was developing a true friendship with Jesus. I felt like I had finally found my purpose in life.
One night as I was driving home from church I heard Jesus say that I needed to get a notebook, and write down every event in my life. He also said that once I was finished with my writings I would have closure from my past pain. Jesus gave me the title, the vision, the layout, the cover design and the marketing plan. This book is God's master plan for my life.
What to Expect
In the upcoming chapters you will go on a journey with me starting at the age of three years old. The events in this book will end in the year 2010 when I am 29 years old. This is a story about a little girls experience with sexual abuse, physical abuse, verbal abuse, rejection, abandonment and loneliness.
If you have been hurt in any way as a child, or even as an adult this book is for you. You will begin your healing process by the end of this book. You will see your life struggles in a positive light from now on, and you will have faith that God will do great things through your life also. There is hope for tomorrow. You can smile again. You can move on from where you are. Most of all you have not messed up that bad that you cannot live tomorrow. You are not ever alone. I love you, and Jesus loves you.
Why do I hurt so much? Why am I always hurting? When is the pain ever going to stop? Is the pain ever going to stop? How much more pain can one person really take? I am tired! I am depressed! No one likes me! I am always alone! Why!!!!!!!!! Why isn't God helping me?
Who knew that toddlers had it hard too?
The first memory of my life goes back to when I was three years old. I remember being told by my 19 year old male cousin to "suck it." Here I am three years...
