God's Word on Sex and Dating guides teens, parents, youth leaders, and pastors through the often confusing-and peer pressure influenced-world of sex and dating and provides practical ways, through scripture and personal anecdotes, for single people to stay pure before marriage.

Susan Nemeth, together with her husband, has been involved in youth ministry for nearly twenty years. After witnessing countless youth succumb to the pressures of sex, Nemeth began educating others on how the word of God does not shy away from discussing physical relationships, but instead provides valuable guidance on the values and proper perspective of sex. Nemeth answers actual questions by youth about sex and shares the facts about the results of wrong decisions while specifically explaining how to:

• Share responsibility for actions on a date
• Distinguish between lust and love
• Grow spiritually first before finding a mate
• Tell how far is too far when it comes to a physical relationship
• Accept God's forgiveness for past mistakes

God's Word on Sex and Dating provides encouragement and much-needed spiritual guidance to young adults who want to have happy, fun-filled dates while remaining pure.

God's Word on Sex and Dating

By Susan Nemeth

iUniverse, Inc.

Copyright © 2009 Susan Nemeth
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4401-7432-2

Contents

Introduction......................................................ixChapter 1—All about Sex.....................................1Chapter 2—Christ and Sex....................................5Chapter 3—Premarital Sex....................................9Chapter 4—What Can You Do to Stay Pure?.....................21Chapter 5—All about Love....................................27Chapter 6—Is It Love or Infatuation?........................31Chapter 7—Dating............................................35Chapter 8—How Far Is Too Far?...............................39Chapter 9—Sexually Transmitted Diseases.....................41Chapter 10—God's Word On....................................59Chapter 11—FAQs.............................................67Conclusion........................................................77Endnotes..........................................................79

Chapter One

All about Sex

You're pregnant! The test is positive. What do you do now? You have to tell your boyfriend. When and how do you tell your parents? You wonder how you let yourself get to this point. How will you reach your goals now? Is abortion really wrong?

I wrote this book to give you more knowledge about sex and dating so the scene you just read won't happen to you. We hear about sex every day, but not many people actually look at the behind-the-scenes events that happen. As you read, I hope you will see sex and dating in a new way. It is a wonderful part of life if done right. I don't want to force my religious views on anyone, but the contents of this book include a lot about the Bible. It is your choice to believe it or reject it. I just know that it works.

What Is Sex?

Sex is not just a man and woman coming together physically; it can and should be so much more. The greatest sexual relationship comes from communication, understanding, and trust. In the Bible, the words used for sexual intercourse are "to know." A husband and wife need to know each other in the deepest part of their emotions. Good sex begins in your head, not in the bed.

Sex is one of God's good gifts. God thought it up, but, like many other of God's good gifts, man has distorted it today. Sex can be compared to fire. It is warm and wonderful on a cold night in a fireplace, but that same fire can also burn your house down.

Most people think of sexual intercourse as a physical commitment, but it is also an emotional and spiritual commitment that two people make to each other. If you have the physical without the spiritual part (which is marriage), two things can happen: You will either feel guilty and have low self-esteem, or you will become hardened to your emotions and the spiritual tug in your life. Both results lead to unhappiness.

Sex is meant to bond a married couple together so they become one flesh. It is more than physical. It is an expression of a commitment made for a lifetime. Married couples spend more time talking, solving problems, and doing practical things than having sex. Dating is not a lifetime commitment, so sex should not be part of dating.

"While sex is an expression of love, love is much more than sex; while sex should be fun, it is not a toy; and while one's sexual feelings are very important in the development of personality, sex is not the most important thing in life."

The Bible and Sex

The Bible is a very sexual book. It speaks about sex without embarrassment or shame. It openly shows the sexual sins of people. You can read about Lot's daughters having sex with him in Genesis 19:30–38, or David's adultery with Bathsheba in II Samuel, Chapter 11. These are just a couple of the many examples in the Bible.

Have you ever received a love letter? Do you remember how romantic it was to you? The Song of Solomon in the Bible is a drama of two lovers. The way it is worded might sound funny to us today, but it is the correspondence between two people madly in love. God is just reminding us that romance was His idea in the first place. It begins with "Kiss me with the kisses of your mouth, because your love is better than wine" (Song of Solomon 1:2). "My darling, you are like a mare among the king's stallions" (Song of Solomon 1:9). "My lover's left hand is under my head, and his right arm holds me tight." (Song of Solomon 2:6). "My bride, your lips drip honey; honey and milk are under your tongue" (Song of Solomon 4:9). You get the picture, right? (These scriptures are taken from the New Century Version Bible.)

The Bible teaches us that sexual actions have consequences. The tragedy of David and Bathsheba is only one example. (See II Samuel, Chapter 11). Bathsheba was the beautiful woman, Uriah was her husband and one of David's generals in his army, and David was the king. David lusted after Bathsheba and sent for her. They acted on impulse, had an affair, and Bathsheba became pregnant. David then sent Uriah to the front lines of battle where the chances were high that he would be killed. Here began a history of tragedy. Later David repented, but history could not be changed, and scars could not be erased. And, even though God forgave him, David reaped the consequences of his actions for the rest of his life.

The Bible is not a manual on the techniques of sex. It is a guide to the values of sex and the proper perspective of sex.

Chapter Two

Christ and Sex

Don't be afraid to give your sex life over to Christ. When you do, you will find that He gives you a new way to look at it. Sex, like everything else surrendered to Christ, will have new meaning. Don't pretend that sexual desires don't exist, but learn to make other traits more important in your life. When you focus on honesty, loyalty, self-control, being kind, and having respect for others, the need to please yourself will diminish. Abstinence is something you will want to do so you can develop these other, more important qualities. People will naturally be attracted to you because of your inner beauty.

Your spiritual, mental, and physical lives all work together. Each one affects the others. You are made up of spirit, soul, and body. If you sin with your body, your spiritual walk will be damaged. As a Christian, you have the promise that Jesus will help you resist temptation (I Corinthians 10:13). You can "walk in the Spirit" and not feel forced to give into the desires of your human nature.

With God's help you can have freedom ...

• from outward peer pressure to have premarital sex

• from inward obsession for premarital sex.

• from a fear of the unknown about sex.

• to be comfortable spending time with the opposite sex.

• to save sex for marriage·

• to accept God's forgiveness if you have already blown it.

Biblical freedom is not the ability to do whatever we want, but the power to do what is right. We have freedom in Christ, but not an "anything goes" type of freedom. No one has that freedom; every group has patterns and rules. True freedom is an honest and open acceptance of sexuality and the freedom to talk about it. Hundreds of years ago, sex was a private thing and no one talked about it, especially in church. Young people knew it was wrong outside of marriage, but no one ever said why it was wrong. Today we can talk about it openly.

The World's View of Sex

The world says that anything goes....