CHAPTER 1
FADE IN:
INT. GERMANY—FRANKFURT AIRPORT—DAY
INSERT—DEPARTURE BOARD
Located in the main terminal, updates flights on computer screen.
AIRPLANE PILOTS and STEWARDESSES walk by rolling their luggage bags behind them.
Various nationalities pass by the board: an INDIAN in a turban, a MUSLIM woman in a robe with THREE CHILDREN, STUDENTS with backpacks and skis, two ARMY GENERALS in uniform, a tall BLACK MAN with a giant afro, MOSES carrying the Tabernacle, a BUSINESSMAN with a computer case, a HUSBAND AND WIFE with a CHILD, more BUSINESSMEN and BUSINESSWOMEN all briskly go by as the board changes, updating flight, flight number, destination, gate number, flight time and boarding status.
EXT. CHICAGO—SKYSCRAPER—DAY
PEOPLE on their way to work stream by the CAMERA.
INSERT—LARGE BRASS PLAQUE ON BUILDING READS: "BOLTZ FOODS, INC."
INT. BOLTZ BUILDING LOBBY—CONTINUING
CAMERA follows stream of workers through the building's lobby, which has a display of big photos of various snacks, boxes of crackers, cookies, snack pies, nuts, chips, etc. A statue of a large pretzel is prominently located at one side of lobby.
LOBBY ELEVATOR
EMPLOYEES in business suits and attire, carrying attaché cases, enter the elevator. The elevator door closes.
ELEVATOR NUMBER PANEL
Floor numbers light up as elevator goes to 40th floor.
40TH FLOOR
INSERT—SIGN ON DOOR READS: "RESTRICTED ENTRY, RESEARCH AND DEVELOPMENT DEPARTMENT NON—PRESERVATIVES AND ADDITIVES SECTION"
INT. LABORATORY—DAY
SPARKY GRISWALD is at laboratory bench mixing ingredients in a blender. He dips his finger into a mixing bowl.
SPARKY
"Ah!"
He adds yeast.
He walks over to oven and turns it on.
LABORATORY ASSISTANT in a white coat walks by the blender, looks at it, puts more yeast in and walks on.
Sparky adjusts an oven dial. He then walks back to the blender, looks at mixture and puts more yeast in. He takes a ladle and dabs cookie mixture on the tray.
INSERT—SIGN ON TRAY READS: "EXPERIMENTAL COOKIE SHEET"
J.W. BOLTZ, Chairman and CEO of Boltz Foods, in three-piece dark suit with gold chain across vest, and CHARLEY GOODFELLOW, Marketing Vice President, enter.
BOLTZ
Griswald, a moment of your time.
SPARKY
Hi, J.W., Charley.
Sparky slides the tray into the oven.
BOLTZ
Griswald, the world is growing smaller. Our market isn't the U.S. Our center isn't here in Chicago. Our market is the world.
SPARKY
Absolutely, J.W., whatever you say. But what does that have to do with Boltz Foods?
CHARLEY
What J.W.'s saying, Sparky, is that we've got to get out there and sell our products to the world. That's where the growth is. That's where our customers are. That's where the real market is.
BOLTZ
Our research leads us to believe that the same good taste and nutrition of Boltz that Americans have enjoyed for half a century will appeal to the people of countries everywhere.
CHARLEY
What J.W.'s saying, Griswald, is that Boltz Foods has to expand. Your Cap'n Waldo's Crunch formulation is ideal for international markets. We want to introduce our cookie line, which is more superior, healthy, nutritious and tasty than the local brands. R&D knows the product in and out. You can speak to the healthy wholesomeness and the unique ingredients in a Boltz cookie. We want to team you with our best salesman and grab a position in the global market.
BOLTZ
We can't let our Japanese competitors get ahead of us; they're already selling a cheap knock-off in the U.S. It affects our balance of payments. What's good for Boltz is good for the U.S.
CHARLEY
What J.W.'s saying, Griswald is you're going global. You and Archie MacDonald, Boltz's number one million-dollar-a-year salesman, are going out into the world to bring back a ton of orders. Report to the Travel Department. They'll give you your itinerary and everything you need. Go home and pack your bags.
BOLTZ
Good luck, Griswald. We'll expect your report in a month.
J.W. and Charley exit.
CLOSE UP OF SPARKY watching them leave.
He turns back to the laboratory bench.
INSERT—SPARKY'S FACE WITH EYES WIDE OPEN
LABORATORY SPARKY'S P.O.V.—
A large mountain of cookie dough pushing THREE SCIENTISTS ahead of it comes rushing toward him.
Sparky opens the door and dashes out of the laboratory.
INT. CORRIDOR—CONTINUING
Sparky stands with his back braced against door.
SPARKY
"Whew."
Dough seeps through the door's top, bottom and sides.
The door falls on top of Sparky and dough and people flood out in corridor.
EXT. SUBURBS—GRISWALD HOUSE—NIGHT
DINNING ROOM
Sparky, RUSTY, Sparky's teenage son, and AUDREY, his teenage daughter, are sitting at the dinner table. ELLEN, Sparky's wife, is clearing the table of dishes. Sparky is heavily engaged in reading travel books and maps.
SPARKY
The world, Rusty, is getting to be a smaller place. Five billion people, Rusty, all potential customers for Cap'n Waldo's Crunchy Cookies—the non-preservative, non-additive healthy alternative.
AUDREY
It's exciting, Dad, to see the world.
FRONT YARD—TREE
JAPANESE BUSINESSMAN sits in a tree branch watching the Griswald family through binoculars.
Rusty, Ellen, Sparky, Audrey seen in the glow of lighted window through the binocular lenses.
INT. DINING ROOM—CONTINUING
SPARKY
Japan, to Western Europe, to Russia, to Latin America. They all speak the same language, Rusty: a friendly smile and the desire for healthy superior American cookies, Cap'n Waldo, the healthy alternative. It's a global market these days.
AUDREY
But Dad, everyone in those countries speaks a different language.
SPARKY
Nothing to worry about, Audrey.
Puts hand on pile of foreign language books.
SPARKY (contd.)
I've been studying these foreign language books. It's so simple. You just pronounce the words. They're all spelled out in English.
AUDREY
Gee!
SPARKY picks up the book on top of pile.
INSERT—BOOK COVER READS: "GERMAN FOR TRAVELERS/ ENGLISH EDITION"
SPARKY
Here, listen to this. Frauline ordering a meal.
"Ist der schwiner gut fur shtew? Yah, yah, gut for curly cue!
He picks up another book and opens it.
He points to bowl of potatoes.
SPARKY (contd.) (to Ellen)
Let's try French.
Passez me le potatoes.
She passes a bowl of mashed potatoes to him.
He points very directly at the bread.
SPARKY (contd.)
And the pan.
She passes the bread to him.
SPARKY (contd.)
Viola! See how simple it is. Knowing the language isn't the only important thing in our little global village. You also have to know the culture of the country you're visiting. In most countries, it's expected that you give your host a gift. It's an insult not to.
AUDREY
So what kind of gifts did you get, Dad?
SPARKY
I thought something that would be real American, something you can't find overseas, something from the heartland of the good old You Ess of A that would give a foreigner real insight into America and...
