"The Cheerleader" (A Man's Story)

Many moons ago, a man was in a Houston airport when he met a young hottie named Jan. He really wasn't that into her at first because she was a spunky, pep-squad-type, but she kept talking to him. He began to notice her beautiful violet eyes, so he asked for her number and called her once he got home. They talked on the phone a few times and opened up to each other, eventually deciding to get together.

He found out she was a big Dallas Cowboys fan. He wasn't into football anymore, and even at that time he was starting to lose interest, but she was really excited about football and even flew down to Dallas for home games. She lived in Phoenix and the Cowboys were going to play there, so he figured that if she got worked up at those games, it might make a good weekend date. He agreed to fly down on a Sunday morning to meet her, and they would stay at a hotel near the stadium overnight, with his return on Monday.

The flight to Phoenix was fine. Soon after arrival, he met up with Jan and her friends, enjoying a few Bloody Mary's at the pregame party. At that point, with a light buzz assisting the poorly matched couple, he was starting to enjoy being with Jan and was anticipating the rest of the weekend's activities. She suddenly excused herself from the party because she said she had to get ready for the game and told him to pick her up at their hotel room in half an hour. This is when things got weird.

After about forty-five minutes, he knocked on the hotel room door, and when it opened, there stood a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader! Actually, it was Jan, but she was decked out in an authentic uniform bearing a silver-and-blue-painted face to boot. Really, her face was silver with huge blue stars. He realized some guys might find this incredibly cool, and even he, in private situations, would appreciate a woman dressing up, but he was not even close to being dressed in this manner, and there was no freaking way he was going to take her out in front of one hundred thousand people like that! She was already heading out the door when he regained his power of speech and told her to take that get-up off, and put on something nice. Then she got defensive, claiming she was a real fan and always dressed up for the game because she loved it. So he compromised and said she could wear the makeup or the dress but not both. She changed out of her cheerleader outfit and went with the face painting, which sucked because he knew it would get all over him by the end of the night.

Once they arrived at the game, they located her friends who, sure enough, were all dressed up too. She started complaining and crying to them about how he didn't let her wear her complete costume. He ignored her and tried to have a good time anyway. After the game ended, Jan and her girlfriends wanted him to take them out to a club downtown. He hadn't realized it was a strip club where the players go after the games. Normally, he doesn't mind strip clubs, but Jan's friends all started hitting on the players, giving them lap dances. He realized they were all just pro-athlete groupies, including his date, Jan. She began acting all moody because she was missing out on the action, and he was also feeling left out because he wasn't getting any attention. So they got into a big fight, and he left her there, never seeing her again. Grateful for first impressions, he recalled his impression of her, vowing to listen to his gut the first go around: once a peppy girl, always a cheerleader-wannabe!

"Harass-Man" (A Woman's Story)

A girl had dated a guy years ago. She heard from him after a recent break-up and decided to entertain the idea of hanging out with him again. After all, he was well-endowed, and it had been a month since her last sexual encounter. They enjoyed several dates together, recalling their previous experiences and eventually hit the sheets. Just as she remembered, he was a lousy lover but managed to really satisfy her deeply. After a few days, he suggested she meet him at his condo so they could walk up to a nearby restaurant as the weather was to be gorgeous. She consented and met him, just in time to witness him pour a drink and down it before she could get off the elevator. He had obviously been drinking, and he seemed to be happy and feeling great. He was holding her hand and was walking with her closely, talking about taking her on a cruise and to his family cabin, all while occasionally standing to walk over and kiss her during dinner. After a nice meal, they made plans to drop off the leftovers to his condo and walk over to another restaurant for a specialty drink, but he changed his mind without notice.

After leaving his condo, they walked to a different bar known as a "Members Only" venue. He was trying to impress her, and through his efforts, he was willing to humiliate himself and his date if necessary, no matter the cost. Upon their arrival, he boldly stated, "I'm a friend of Pauly, the bartender, so let him know I'm here." The hostess just looked at him and waved for the manager. The manager greeted them, and after the guy stated again who he was, the manager excused himself to inquire within if the bartender knew him. When the manager disappeared, the guy proceeded to let his clueless date in on his plan: his bartender buddy once had a construction deal with him that fell through, and he owed him one. He also felt that the guys had a falling-out due to the faulty deal, so they could possibly use this night as an opportunity to make things right, despite her pleas of wanting to leave due to the awkwardness of the situation. She had the feeling that the bartender was now offended at her date's unnerving assumption that he would be let in and that he would even want to talk to him about things, as he was busy working. Just as she felt she had gotten through to him about letting things lie with the bartender, the manager emerged from the back and informed him, "I'm sorry to inform you, but Pauly is busy and cannot come out to talk to you, maybe another time." He said it so politely but he really meant, "Sorry, jerk, but Pauly doesn't want to see you or deal with your dumbass tonight. He is working!" She picked up on the sticky air that was all around, and her date responded, "Well, to hell with you guys then, and to hell with you!" And with that, the guy grabbed his date's hand and led her out of the private club entrance, as if she were supporting his behavior and decision to go there to begin with, as if he had a right to be mad or something. Mortified, she held his hand only until they made it out of the door, and then she dropped his hand out of disgust and disbelief. Not only was her date drunk and belligerent, but now he was harassing a guy trying to work just to impress her. Needless to say, she was not impressed at all.

As they walked away from the building, he began dialing frantically on his cell phone, and after a few seconds he began screaming obscenities into his phone, telling off Pauly on a message. Without warning, her physical body took over, literally turned her away from his path and led her to her parked car a few meters from where they were walking. Relieved once she arrived at her car and wondering how she got up the nerve to leave his side, he realized she was about to leave and sprinted across the breezeway to say, "Hey, you can't leave. What are you doing?" She opened her car door, climbed inside,...