You CAN choose happiness over guilt, fear, anger or shame. Yes, it is a choice. You are not doomed to a lifetime of anguish and distress. How can you liberate yourself from malaise and suffering? The solution is learning how to change your peceptions, beliefs and thoughts that imprison your mind. This book is a practical roadmap to becoming free of distress. With over forty case examples from his own practice, Dr. Mercier will show you how to: * Relinquish fear * Overcome guilt * Let go of anger * Accept change * Eliminate self-conflict * Restore balance * Seek happiness Psychiatrist Raymond Mercier, M.D, has over thirty years experience helping people overcome fear, anger, shame, guilt aand loneliness-and usually without medications. A decorated Vietnam veteran, he has developed unique techniques to assist trauma victims. Dr. Mercier is married with three children. He lives in Bloomfield Hills, Michigan.
Happiness: The Better Choice
By Raymond MercierTrafford Publishing
Copyright © 2012 Raymond Mercier M.D.
All right reserved.ISBN: 978-1-4669-2244-0Contents
Chapter 1 Experiences.....................1Chapter 2 Thoughts........................18Chapter 3 Feelings........................30Chapter 4 Balance.........................40Chapter 5 Fear............................56Chapter 6 Anger...........................74Chapter 7 Shame...........................89Chapter 8 Guilt...........................99Chapter 9 Loss............................109Chapter 10 Loneliness.....................120Chapter 11 Change.........................133Chapter 12 Happiness......................147
Chapter One
Experiences Most persons are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.
Abraham Lincoln
Happy. Content. Peaceful. Joyous. OR Sad. Miserable. Troubled. Distressed.
Are you aware that you have a choice? One might expect everyone would choose to be happy rather than sad, but actually many persons elect (perhaps unwittingly) to remain stuck on their distressing feelings at the expense of happiness. Might you be one of them? Just what does it take to be happy?
As a starting point, feeling happy requires being free of crippling emotions such as fear, anger, shame, guilt, sadness and loneliness. Each of these emotions results in misery. I call these the "six thieves of happiness." It is a simple truism that when you feel bad, you do not feel good. This book focuses on these distressing feelings and how to overcome them. I will share with the reader numerous techniques I have developed over my thirty years of treating psychiatric patients to expell bad feelings.
When we are overwhelmed by intense emotion, we cannot think or reason properly. Our responses to stimuli become entirely emotional, thereby short-circuiting our problem-solving abilities. Emotion without thought results directly in action. This type of response, popularly called "fight or flight," was described by the physiologist Hans Selye more than eighty years ago. Powerful emotions, such as terror or rage, are swiftly followed by impulsive behavior.
The Six Thieves of Happiness
Fear
A terrifying event will produce a prolonged fearful response. One sunny afternoon, A.B. found himself the victim of an episode of road rage. He was driving his commercial truck northbound on Interstate Highway 275 outside Detroit when a car traveling in the opposite direction was suddenly launched airborne, slamming into the hood of his truck. A.B. escaped unharmed, but the driver of the other vehicle was not so fortunate. After screaming in agony for two minutes, he perished—in clear view of A.B., who was unable to save him. (As it turned out, the cause of the accident was mundane and easily avoidable. Two drivers had sought to merge into the same lane at once, neither willing to let the other in first. Both sped up, and one vehicle rammed into the rear bumper of the other, sending it soaring over the median where it crashed.)
The image of the victim's agonized face and the sound of his terrifying screams would haunt A.B. for months. Fear of encountering a similar situation prevented him from driving his truck. Several months of psychotherapy were needed to help A.B. cope with his nightmare. His mind had unwittingly reasoned that if a crash like that could happen once, it could surely occur a second time. To avoid a second mishap he stayed housebound where he was still tormented regardless.
Anger
Anger precludes happiness. When angry we think only of the injustice inflicted by others. We focus on what they did and feel like a victim of their wrongdoing. These angry thoughts produce angry feelings. By altering our thoughts we have the power to change the way we feel. We then are capable of changing our emotional responses. It is better to focus on our reaction to what others have done instead of their deeds. We are able to change ourselves much easier than changing others.
Guilt
Guilt will interfere with happiness. Avoidance of anything or anyone reminiscent of a guilt-inducing situation is a common response. A.C. was an attractive, well-mannered 18-year-old woman whose first sexual relation was with an aggressive man on their fourth date together. Plagued with guilt, she never wanted to see him again. Recognizing her virtuous character, the man asked for her hand in marriage. She was taken aback by that suggestion and urged him to leave. In response, he threatened to tell her mother what they had done if she would not consent to marriage. "No, no, anything but that," A.C. pleaded. Soon thereafter they did marry. I chuckled as she told me this story. She asked, "What's so funny?" I told her it is usually the other way around: she threatens to tell her father if he won't marry her (she has given me permission to tell this vignette). A.C. eventually realized that avoiding her lover was her way of "purging" herself of the guilt of having premarital sex. Through therapy, she learned to be more forgiving of herself.
Shame
Oftentimes people feel shame not as a result of a personal wrongdoing but due to life circumstances beyond their control. Ben Hooper was born to unmarried parents and never did know his father. As a boy, he was regularly taunted because of his family status, and often chose to spend recess time alone. In public, he sensed that everyone was looking down upon him. When Ben was twelve, a new minister arrived at his church. Ben had developed the habit of slipping out of church early to avoid talking to anyone, but one Sunday the minister interrupted his departure. Placing his hand on Ben's shoulder, he asked, "Who are you, son? Whose boy are you?" Ben felt the burning sting of shame as even his pastor seemed to be putting him down. But when he did not respond the minister flashed a knowing smile, saying: "I know who you are. I see the family resemblance. You are a son of God." Patting Ben on the back, he continued: "You've got a great inheritance. Go and claim it." Later, Ben would state that this was the single most important phrase ever uttered to him in his life. His entire self-image changed after receiving these comforting words. He would eventually be elected governor of Tennessee. Each of us has an "inheritance" to be happy and successful, if we care to claim it.
Sadness
Sadness sabotages our capacity for enjoyment and causes us to form a pessimistic outlook on life. A sad or discouraged person will distort the world by looking through his brown colored glasses making everything look like excrement. He expects everything to turn out badly. He needs to look out a different window to see the beauty of life. By altering his thought pattern using cognitive therapy skills he can improve his feelings.
Loneliness
Loneliness is a self-inflicted curse. According to Dear Abby, it is the ultimate poverty. A lonely person will shun human contact only to find the sense of isolation to be intensified. When we think of loneliness we usually think of separation from loved ones, but for many persons they are also separated from themselves and their feelings. Emotional loneliness is very painful. Such persons are strangers to hemselves. How can one be happy if one does not know what he wants?
Experiences
When an event elicits a strong emotional reaction in us, it becomes an experience. Experiences shape our lives and personalities by changing the way we interact with and interpret our environment. Past events will continue to influence our future...
