At its deepest essence, this book is about the interplay of light and shadow-good and evil-in constant motion throughout our lives. Like the ebb and flow of oceanic tides, rising and falling in concert with the moon, we move constantly back-and-forth between admirable and ignoble behavior. We are not fixed, and we're never perfect. No one is exempt-we are mercurial and ever-changing-thus any sense of permanence is merely an illusion. Each of us is born with an animalistic nature that is our ancient heritage and has served our species well through the millennia for basic survival. Since it appears that we are the only creatures endowed with higher consciousness, we are uniquely capable of contemplating our existence, thus we have evolved to the point that we can make choices above and beyond our mere survival. Moreover, through self-mastery, evolution has presented us opportunity to go beyond the reactivity that characterizes most other living things. Our species governs and reigns supreme over the planet with advanced reasoning and execution skills combined with skills in emotion management and impulse regulation-also setting our species apart from the animal world. However, the nature of our power depends not primarily upon this superior raw potential. Ultimately, our power is determined by the operating system we apply in self-governance, and that is the focus of this book. Moreover, it provides a framework for understanding power within eight dimensions in an attempt to illuminate those key forks in the road where choices are made in our pursuit of power, both healthy and destructive. Healthy power emerges from the development of a person's core strengths and is manifested in effective personal leadership. This, in turn, generates positive, values-driven results through our empowering influence upon others and systems. Welcome to your journey toward self-empowerment! "A stellar job, Craig: a well written, well

HEALTHY POWER

Pathways to Success in Work, Love and LifeBy Craig N. Piso

Balboa Press

Copyright © 2012 Craig N. Piso, Ph.D.
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4525-6382-4

Contents

Foreword...................................................................................xiiiPreface....................................................................................xvAcknowledgements...........................................................................xxiIntroduction...............................................................................1Chapter 1: P ... Personal Responsibility vs. Personal Irresponsibility.....................9Chapter 2: O ... Optimistic Expectations vs. Orchestrated Suffering........................25Chapter 3: W ... W in-Win Relationships vs. Win-Lose Relationships.........................45Chapter 4: E ... Energizing Joy vs. Egocentric Pleasure....................................67Chapter 5: R ... Reality-Based Choices vs. Regressive Choices..............................89Chapter 6: F ... Focused Action vs. Fragmented Activity....................................117Chapter 7: U ... Unrelenting Courage vs. Unsettling Fear...................................139Chapter 8: L ... Lifelong Purpose vs. Lifelong Grasping....................................161Chapter 9: Conclusion......................................................................183About the Author...........................................................................205Appendices.................................................................................213References.................................................................................239Index......................................................................................243

Chapter One

P ... Personal Responsibility vs. Personal Irresponsibility

I can solve a problem only when I say 'This is my problem and it's up to me to solve it.'

M. Scott Peck

PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY AND HEALTHY POWER

A number of influential great authors have written about the pivotal role personal responsibility plays in mature power development. Stephen Covey introduced the first of his "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" as learning to be responsibly proactive, instead of being emotionally reactive, attributing blame for the latter (i.e., responsibility) to people and/or things outside of oneself. Similarly, Deepak Chopra emphasized in his "7 Spiritual Laws of Success" the critical value of becoming self-referred versus object referred. He recognized that a sense of personal responsibility sets the stage for self-empowerment, while defining or otherwise allowing ourselves to be driven by outside forces is a pathway toward individual hollowness and eventual failure.

Accordingly, the first root principle in this book's POWERFUL framework stems from the following premise regarding Personal Responsibility:

... Power = Responsibility: Power and responsibility develop in direct proportion to each other and are functionally related within healthy individuals and systems ...

We see a direct relationship between power (control) and responsibility (accountability) since the more power we possess, the more responsibility we bear for how we use it. Further, the relationship between power and responsibility is a functional one since when you increase one side of the equation you get a proportional increase on the other side, and vice versa. The caveat is that we're talking about a reasonably healthy individual operating within a comparably favorable situation. Accordingly, if we are mature, well-developed people working within a predominantly healthy family or societal system, we will become more powerful in healthy ways as we handle our duties more responsibly. Our willingness to take complete ownership of and accountability for our choices propels us down the path to self-empowerment within any healthy system.

Conversely, such a person predictably becomes so much more responsible that she becomes appropriately self-empowered and develops in a supportive environment. It follows, then, that the fundamental way to help someone who has an adequate sense of conscience to become even more responsible in both personal and professional settings is to empower that person (e.g., grant her increased authority; provide instruction/training, supports, and tools), and then hold her reasonably accountable. This is the fundamental nature of good parenting within families, and likewise it is also the essence of good management in work settings, because they share the common goal of promoting successful growth and development that mutually benefit the individual and the system in which she functions.

This process unfolds and becomes clear when we consider how a candidate in training at a police academy responds when first given a loaded handgun for target practice. Suppose you are that candidate. If you are mature, you will recognize immediately that you are holding deadly force in your grasp, increasing dramatically your potential power to destroy lives, including your own, as well as property. Rather than acting carelessly or dangerously, as a scrupulous person, you will adhere closely to safety instructions regarding appropriate weapons discharge and usage, etc., showing your heightened sense of responsibility.

As such a police officer who thinks beyond the training, you will likely be promoted because you demonstrate increasing levels and forms of responsible behavior in the performance of your duties. Within any healthy system, responsible behavior is eventually rewarded with increased authority, since employers generally compensate people for their responsible and valuable performance. People are not usually rewarded or promoted for their authority. Instead, employees gain higher authority and other forms of empowerment to enable them to better meet their responsibilities.

The empowerment lesson here is this:

... If you want to become more powerful within any reasonably healthy system, then act more responsibly ...

Not only does this root principle apply to the fairly commonplace situations of parenting children and managing staff, it also has profoundly important relevance to situations where we are pressed to extremes of hardship by suffering trauma and loss. In his analysis of those men who found inner strength to survive the horrors of concentration camp life versus those who became broken, and often died, Viktor Frankl reported the following account of the relationship between personal accountability and energy for living:

"The typical reply with which a man rejected all encouraging arguments was, 'I have nothing to expect from life any more.' What sort of answer can one give to that? What was really needed was a fundamental change in our attitude toward life. We had to learn ourselves and, furthermore, we had to teach the despairing men, that it did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life—daily and hourly. Our answer must consist, not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct." (Man's Search for Meaning, 1959, p. 85)

Throughout my career, and especially during the past 10 years, understanding the dynamic relationship between power and responsibility has served me as a useful diagnostic formula when evaluating people seeking resolution from their strife....