CHAPTER 1
A girl called Annelieke, and conditioning of the brain
I was born on the 20th of February 1984 in Delft, The Netherlands. The middle child, an older brother and younger sister. My parents named me Annelieke de Vries. I was a happy girl growing up in a supportive middleclass family. I was very close to my siblings, had pets I loved very much and friends I saw every day. I was an independent, sensitive, intelligent, creative, social little girl. I was a free spirit, in touch with my soul and the world around me.
Growing up in a western culture was a privilege and a burden. I was lucky to grow up in a country with good health care and education that supported creative thinking, innovation and philosophical discussion. I had access to all I needed, and more. But there was also a downside. One I only realised in the last few years. I was put through the western education system. My brain was trained to think, problem solve and focus on the future. I stopped being in my body. I was encouraged to think and to achieve. Then trauma happened. A few events that shook up my world. The thinking, the worrying, got worse and turned into fear.
The culture I grew up in, is probably the culture you know. A culture that is westernised, that focusses on achievements, money, career, marriage. Our brains conditioned to be in thinking mode. Focussed on the future goals we have set for ourselves by the standards and expectations of our family and culture. I learned to forget who I truly was and had no understanding at all of what this life was about. My true self got lost in systems built on conditioning and fear. The thing was, I did not know I was living in constant fear until only a few years ago. I was living just like everyone else knew.
When I migrated from the Netherlands to Australia, I started working as a counsellor. Many of my clients had a history of trauma. I started learning more about trauma and the human brain. It opened my eyes. This was an important piece of the puzzle I was missing for myself and my work. Understanding the brain and the connection between the mind, body and trauma helped me understand myself and my clients better.
My j ourney of self-growth and the work with my clients over the last decade, have helped me find the tools that I needed to let go of all that conditioning and fear. To start living with ease, joy and purpose. Understanding how the brain and mind-body connection work, is vital to understanding the human condition. It was the first piece of information that helped me to understand my humanness, and the first thing I want to share with you.
1.1 A bit about the brain
Our brain is made up out of many parts, but I am going to keep things simple. There are many books written by knowledgeable people in this world on this topic, and I encourage you to explore the internet and the library if you want to know more. This is my perception on how I see things, not necessarily how things are in your world. I invite you to research anything you feel you need to in order to find your truth.
We live in a world where get overloaded with information constantly, and we get lost in the details. We end up feeling overwhelmed and unable to filter out the information that is actually important to us. Our brain is made up out of many parts, but I only discuss those parts that I perceive as important for now: the left and right brain half, and the mind-body connection.
The left part of our brain is the part that plans, solves problems, produces thoughts and stores memories in words and pictures. Some call this our thinking brain and it is associated with male energy. It helps us plan and organise our lives and is able to look at the past and future. The left brain also has the ability to cope by 'going on with normal life', no matter what happens. This explains how a woman who gets beaten by her husband, is still able to go to work, be a mother and socialise with friends.
The right part of our brain is the part that is responsible for non-verbal language, body language. It helps you with interpreting emotions, sensations and facial expressions. It is home to our creative energy and is associated with female energy. It is the part where emotional and sensory memories are stored. Trauma is stored as a body response in the right brain. This is also the part from which our instinctive survival responses are activated.
The ego and our sense of self
To keep things simple, I am going to say that the left brain is home to the ego. The ego is our personality, our sense of self. It holds our beliefs about who we are, about others and the world we live in. Some people will tell you that having an ego is bad. It is not. We need an ego in order to have a sense of who we are in this life on this planet. Without an ego, we have no sense of self. And without a sense of self, we are not human.
The ego is surrounded by walls. When we talk about someone with a strong ego, we talk about the ego walls. Someone with thick ego walls, has a strong sense of self and strong beliefs about themselves, others and the world they live in. When the walls are too thick, these beliefs and the sense of self become rigid. Walls that are too thick, do not allow new information to penetrate. The persons sense of self does not change, even if they have experiences or new information that allows them to grow.
When our ego walls are too thin, we do not have much of a sense of self. Our beliefs are easily changed by external and internal influences, such as friends, family, media, emotions and pain. Someone who has thin ego walls, feels unsure about who they are and how they fit into this world. They are easy influenced by other people. Their beliefs about themselves, others and the world can change strongly with the events that occur in their lives. This can be very ungrounding. Not having a sense of self means not having a base upon which to stand. It can lead to feelings of depression and anxiety. This is what happened to me, and to the majority of the people I have worked with.
Someone who is balanced, has an ego with walls that are strong enough to keep them grounded, to know who they are in life. To stick to their own beliefs, despite what other people say. But they also have walls that are thin enough to let in new information, so their beliefs and sense of self can change. This enables someone to stay flexible and continue to grow. The ego and ego walls are conditioned by culture, where we live and who we interact with. It can be strengthened or broken down by our life experiences. The ego walls are our protection. They help us stay grounded and help us feel safe when we are undergoing changes, internally or externally.
The soul and the observing self
The right brain is the space that holds a part of us that many refer to as the observing self. It is the part that can just notice, observe everything. It can notice the thoughts...
