CHAPTER 1
The Icons Within
Are you living a life that just does not feel right? Have you thought about seeing a psychologist, psychiatrist or counsellor but do not have the time, energy, or courage to turn and face the unsettling reality of your life, a life you believe is less than what it could be? Often it is difficult to see a psychologist, psychiatrist or counsellor, as you feel embarrassed that you have a problem you cannot solve and you have to seek help from a stranger. Sometimes you are ashamed of a hidden past about which you have never spoken but which you know is in the way. Often you are depressed and discouraged. Life itself is dragging you down.
If you find yourself secretly nodding yes to these comments, then please know that this book is written with you in mind. There is a way out, a means for you to find release from whatever it is that holds you back. There is a way to achieve inner clarity and a mindset that is energized and optimistic, with a passion for going forward that is so strong that you will forget about those thoughts of giving up. Here, one of my clients describes her efforts to acknowledge and release her sense of anger and injustice regarding problems from her past:
What happened to me made me feel a lot of shame and worthlessness. The memories have haunted me for the past 16 years and have caused me nothing but pain and trouble. It is time to end this pain I feel ... I am tired of keeping this pressed down inside of me. It hurts too much. I have enough pain in my life that I have caused myself to deal with; it's time for this to come out. I am not hiding this pain anymore; it hurts too much, and all the anger this has caused for me, I don't need anymore.
If you sincerely attempt the strategies that are described in this book, I believe you will begin to experience significant changes in the way you see the world and yourself. You will move beyond the pain and suffering from past hurts and indignities. You will sense a lasting change within and a deeper sense of personal integrity. I have witnessed this approach work time and time again having used these strategies successfully with over 500 clients. Although this process is emotionally painful, it is very powerful. If you are willing to risk brief emotional upheaval and painful moments of reflection, combined with tears, you will find that you have moved forward through your healing to discover and release your true self.
Something Is Not Quite Right
Right now, in this moment, you know or at least suspect that there is something wrong. There is something within that prevents you from leading the life you desire: a life with passion, commitment, and self-confidence. Sometimes, like the person quoted above, you have an idea of what it is that holds you back from this more powerful connection with life itself. Possibly you have never said it out loud to another person. You might even believe that if you share some unsettling aspect of your past, this might be the starting point for change.
You give it some thought and decide that possibly a discussion with a professional or even a trusted friend would lead to some insight and the changes you want — if you could only find the courage to take that step. On the other hand, you may decide to travel silently and privately, at least in the beginning, by reading this book. That is a positive step too.
If you are travelling alone, I ask you to observe others engaging in the treatment process I will describe below and then imagine that you are following the therapeutic strategies recommended. In your mind, begin to acknowledge your hidden problems. This is the first step required for change. This effort can be very positive. Unfortunately, these efforts can also be unsettling. Do not be afraid if you begin to feel upset. That is part of the journey. Eventually, when you are brave enough, you may throw caution aside and pick a psychologist, psychiatrist, therapist, or counsellor and, within the privacy and confidentiality offered, attempt to change. For now, read along as I describe how Iconic therapy was developed, and follow the participants who took part in the powerful therapeutic strategies which brought lasting and positive change to their lives.
* The first step
You will discover that the psychologist, psychiatrist, therapist, or counsellor that you choose first tries to develop a relationship of trust with you. He or she tries to present a sense of safety and a place where you can share your problems. You find an accepting and secure relationship from which to launch your search for a more passionate and involved version of yourself. Finally, the unspeakable is spoken. You share a secret that has haunted you and may possibly have been holding you back. You experience a sense of relief.
Once this breakthrough has occurred, the discussion of the problem begins in earnest. Good progress seems to be made. You feel better for a while, but then the same nagging anxiety, the same frustration, the same emptiness returns. The treatment sessions begin to lose their impact. You find yourself at a loss for what to do next. What should follow the tenth or eleventh session, after the conversations have circled the problem and examined its every dimension? From this point on, the direction of each session is often left to you. Both you and the counsellor have found that talking about the problem brings some relief. With the problem revealed, you consider strategies for change, agree to them, and attempt them. You understand your issues more clearly and yet the anxiety remains.
* Is the counseling enough?
Even with the insight you have acquired, the effort to change seems to go against the grain of your personality. It is as if you have been brainwashed to continue to act and, more specifically, feel as you always have. After the initial experience of relief, the progress that resulted from the first series of sessions with a psychologist or counsellor only comes in small doses. Change seems only temporary. It is...
