Six months after newlywed Monique Pettaway-Ray landed her first teaching job as an eighth-grade science instructor in Huntsville, Alabama, her world suddenly imploded. Her husband was convicted for murder and sentenced to life in prison without parole. A vital part of her life was ripped from her-and Monique didn't know how to cope. Deeply honest and heartfelt, Incarcerated but Free shares how Monique broke the bars of her mental prison, forged an incredible faith in the Lord, and embarked on a path to help families of incarcerated individuals find hope and healing. Monique explores the doubts, fears, and perplexities that often accompany those who have a loved one in prison, and shares the coping strategies she developed to combat each challenge. Monique uses biblical passages to emphasize the important role God played in her journey, and includes questions for meditation and reflection at the end of each section. From overcoming shame to dealing with anger and frustration, Monique's helpful, compassionate voice offers encouragement for those suffering from their own form of incarceration. A unique blend of memoir and self-help, Incarcerated but Free offers faith-filled inspiration to bring light to your darkest days.

INCARCERATED BUT FREE

How to Find Freedom from Your Mental PrisonBy MONIQUE PETTAWAY-RAY

iUniverse, Inc.

Copyright © 2011 Monique Pettaway-Ray
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4620-2739-2

Chapter One

Incarceration/Prison Defined

By definition, to incarcerate is to confine or imprison or put in jail. A prison, on the other hand, is a public building for the safekeeping of persons in legal custody, such as those who are being punished for having committed a crime. It is a place of confinement or imprisonment. A prisoner is one who is confined in a prison. This person is forcibly restrained, and his or her freedom is restricted by some cause or condition. Let's take a moment and look at what happens to a person who is in prison. First of all, it can be a place of hard labor. When Delilah deceived Samson, he ended up in prison. There, he became a grinder, or one who grinds grain. That meant that every day he was in prison, his job was to reduce something into fine particles. Grinding was generally left for women to do, so this assignment added to Samson's humiliation. Samson gave in to Delilah's nagging, and that resulted in him being placed in prison.

Many times, we allow others around us to influence our decision-making. We often give in to the pressures of life, and these pressures cause our spirits to be vexed, which leads to prison. Again, I mean not a physical prison but a mental one, one that leaves us trapped in our minds. The second thing that can happen to a person in prison is confinement. To confine means to keep within bounds, to keep in or put limits on, to hold within a location, to deprive of freedom. These words, although spelled differently, hold similar meanings; they all share one thing. All three words relate to being detained in a place where life can become still. What I mean by that is that life seems to be stuck and unmoving, or things around you may seem to be closing in on you and you feel like you have no way out.

An interesting point about being incarcerated or imprisoned or confined is that there are two ways to be incarcerated: mentally and physically. Mental imprisonment involves the mind. This is where our intellect responds to the environment. We allow our surroundings or people to dictate our future or destiny. We rely on other people to validate us or tell us we are good. We rely on others to help us in our decision making. We allow others to have their say in our lives. God wants to set the captives free, yet we allow our minds to trap us and confine us to where we are. The mind is so powerful!

In a workshop I attended, the speaker was discussing children and how children are affected in the inner-city schools. What stood out the most was a statement he made: "Thinking leads to feelings; feelings lead to emotions." That thought stuck with me because it impacted me more than anything. It perfectly described what I was going through right at that moment. I thought about that statement so much that I added my own ending to it. I thought to myself that, if thinking leads to feelings, and feelings lead to emotions, then emotions lead to bondage. I thought so much about that that I began to really understand how the enemy was able to trap me in my mind. I realized that I was giving him power simply by constantly thinking about how bad my situation was. The more I thought about it, the more trapped I became. I began to tell myself that this was my fate, this was my destiny, that I couldn't do any better, this was what God wanted for me. You get the picture. All these statements were lies and tricks of the enemy.

The bottom line is, a thought is like a seed. Seeds need to be watered in order to grow. Well, thoughts are the same way. The more we think about an idea, the more we are watering that idea and the bigger it becomes. It becomes so large that it consumes us, overtakes us and traps us, locking us up mentally. If Satan can obtain ownership of your mind, he has literally taken ownership over you. You have given him the power to rule over you. When God created the heavens and the earth, he said that he gave man dominion over the fish and the sea. He also gave us the ability to control ourselves and our state of being. We have the ability to make choices, and with those choices, we can choose to think ourselves into good or think ourselves into bad. The bible says in (Proverbs 23: 7 NJKV), "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he." Well your thinking begins in the mind.

Today is the day you can control your life by changing your thinking. You can change how you live by changing your attitude about your life. I had to get a new attitude about life after I realized the traps of the enemy. I refused to be a victim of my mind and be defeated by the enemy. You can too. When I did that, I found joy. Remember, "as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he" (Proverbs 23:7 NJKV). Start this journey with me. Stop here and begin a journal, chapter by chapter, as you read this book, and meditate on your entries. Answer the questions. Then, look at where you are and where you want to be. I challenge you to walk it out; the journey will get you there. Let's begin by starting your first entry in your journal. Answer the questions that follow this section. I encourage you to be open and honest in your answers. The more open you are, the more you will be able to see and acknowledge the areas in your life that need your greatest attention.

Questions

• Do you feel trapped in your mind?

• Do you feel like your thoughts are controlling you?

• Is life passing you by because you are too busy thinking about and sabotaging your own future?

Meditate

Reevaluate your concept of thought, and change your thinking.

• What are your thoughts?

• Why are you thinking this way?

• What can you do to change them?

Action Plan

• How do you plan to change your thinking habits? Write out your plan.

Losing Freedom

When my loved one became incarcerated, life the way I knew it changed. I was alone and afraid. My perceptions of life changed. Those perceptions led to my becoming a prisoner myself. We fail to realize the impact that true freedom has on our lives. Freedom is the ability to be able to do whatever it is you desire to do, without restraint. Freedom can be mental or physical. Mental freedom allows you to have control over your mind, but what happens when a person's mental freedom is gone? It becomes impossible for a person to function.

Let me make it clear what I mean when I say that being incarcerated will make you lose your freedom. Freedom is the condition of being free of restraints. The mind isn't free from restraints. The enemy will begin to take control of your mind and slowly put you into a deep sleep. Not a literal sleep, but an unconscious sleep. Let's look at the biblical character, Peter. A couple of things happened while Peter was kept in prison: 1) The church prayed for him. 2) He went to sleep in prison. 3) He was bound with chains between two soldiers. In addition, guards stood at the door of the prison.

Can you imagine being put in prison, bound, with guards watching you? And sleeping through it all?

Why is this important?

This is important because, the moment Peter was put in prison, he went to sleep. Sleep is characterized as a natural periodic state of rest for the mind and body during which the eyes usually close and consciousness is completely or...