CHAPTER 1

Insanity

Why is it insanity because I think
outside of the box?
But you're the crafty one and sneaky as a fox.

I should be able to do what I want and
do what I like.
But I'm wrong if I say kiss my butt or
please take a hike.

All these years it took for me to become grown
Now I'm told what to do or I'm doing it wrong.

Correct me if I'm wrong I had to listen as a child
So now that I'm grown why can't I act wild?

Don't put your restrictions or
dump your issues on me.
Because you can leave me alone and let me just be.

I'm so sick of the double standards and
the things that you do
Because you do what you want so why can't
I do what I do?

You complain about my cursing while acting
self-righteous with your crap
But behind my back it's damn this and damn that.

You think that you sliding way below the radar
But if you believe that lie then you
won't make it far.

Yes I'm going to live my life to the
fullest and do what I want
I have paid my dues and I have paid
quite a bunch.

I have been abused like most and
mistreated before
I even had my butt whipped behind
secretly closed doors.

I have even been homeless, hungry and
even on drugs
My life was empty and I hung out with thugs

The road that I have been on was all up hill
Many times I was close to death
because I was seriously ill.

I lived without insurance and no place
to call home,
A situational thing that couldn't even
afford me a phone.

Mental illness I'm not sure if that term
for me was true
But by the way I was acting who really knew.

I believed that I did suffer from some
types of depression
When I found myself caught between
economic recessions.

My life at times seemed to come
unhinged and unglued.
So I had to react and couldn't just sit and brood

I still had some sort of grasp on life's realities
Which kept me conformed to some
source of legalities

I knew what was wrong and I knew
what was right,
Even though life was a struggle I never
gave up the fight.

I must admit I even did things that I
knew were wrong
On those cold lonely nights that were
extremely long.

I think sometimes that I would have
been easily dead
If I had ignored those voices that rarely
spoke in my head

It must have been that quiet voice from
the Holy Spirit
Because when I heard the warnings I
reacted without fearing it

Today I'm back in church and God is
orchestrating my steps
Because he never left me alone and
he heard when I wept

He knew that I was on my very last leg
And because of my pride I wouldn't even beg

Some days I wanted to give up because
I thought no one cared.
My wounds were piled up in many
different layers.

So forgive me if I don't care what you
think about me
Because I've been through a lot and
now I feel free.

My life at one time had been touch and go
Swinging out of control and this you now know

My spirit needed to be towed in the right direction
Thank God for Jesus and His loving affection.

I didn't give into demons that would
haunt my every opinion
Because I knew God reigned supreme
and had all dominion

So I ran to church to draw from the source
To regain my spirituality before it was lost

Even though things were bleak I knew
that God had all power
When my problems mounted high over
me like a tower.

So insanity I may have been accused of this thing
Because of the way I acted when my
heart couldn't sing.

You could be just like me but I'm
going to share this with you
When you feel like giving up
remember God loves you too.


I'm feeling you

I'm feeling you and that is no lie
I want you so bad I can't help but to try.

Thinking about you sends my rockets to the moon
The sound of your voice makes me quiver
and swoon.

I don't know if it's the unbridled sex
Or just my imagination of what would come next.

I have never touched you except in my dreams
It seems so real that I explode and I scream.

Sweating and hot you have ignited my fire
When I think of you it's with lust and desire.

You tease me with that smile on your lips
You can tell by my actions you have this
horse whipped.

Ride me and take me across the finish line
I'm willing to let you mount me at any given time.

I'm feeling you and my feelings run deep
Inside my emotions I wish you would peek.

To the core of my...