INTERVIEWING IS EASY

We ask people questions all the time. We ask our kids questions about school or their art projects. We ask our significant other about her job promotion or his goals in life. We ask our grandparents about historical events. We ask someone we are dating about what she does in her spare time or what interests him.

So if the thought of interviewing your family seems as foreign to you as learning Greek, don't worry. You are already interviewing people all of the time.

In fact, interviewing someone can be so natural that often it isn't even planned. For instance, I was taking a tour of an old train station in the fall of 2013 with my grandpa when he started telling stories about growing up around that station. Knowing this was a precious moment, I pulled out my cell phone and hit the voice memo record button. To keep the conversation going — and to make sure I captured the entire story — I asked simple follow up questions just after my grandfather finished speaking, such as, "That is such a fun story, do you have any more stories that you can remember?" One of the easiest ways to keep the stories f lowing is to follow up each story with, "Tell me more about that ..." and include a piece of the story that was just told.

Then, before I left the station that day, I took lots of pictures. I knew I would want to make a collage of them to accompany the recording. Later, I created a memento of the afternoon. I downloaded the audio file to iMovie (an Apple application on my Mac) and added a collage of the photos I took.

To make the video even more compelling, I added other pictures I found online that illustrated the things my grandfather was talking about. For example, he mentioned that as a boy he would go to look at trains that had crashed or jumped the track, so I went online and found some pictures of vintage trains that had overturned. Then he told another story about collecting old metal slugs that he put in a gumball machine. I found some images of these and added them to the video. The project took about four hours but it was time well invested. The video turned out to be something that my family loves to watch over and over again.

Great stories get told during casual conversations all the time. They can be captured — or lost — within minutes. In many cases, you don't even need to ask a question — you just need to be present. In fact, the biggest skill you need to interview someone is recognizing a great story and trying to capture it as quickly as possible.

At one of my last family gatherings, I decided to set up a camera in the shade next to the outdoor patio table, where my family was sitting. I asked a couple of questions to get some stories f lowing. To my delight, people's curiosity took over very quickly and the entire table started asking questions of each other.

This led to a wonderful afternoon of stories and ref lections about how we all grew up. Nobody at that table was a professional interviewer, but we all loved to share — and when we were given the right circumstances, we all knew the right questions to ask.

It is natural to think ahead about what questions you want to ask next, or to anticipate what your family member is going to say. That can be an important part of planning. But interviewing is also about being present in the moment and actively listening to the person you are interviewing. That's where the magic happens — in the unplanned moments. With a supplied list of questions, like the ones I offer here, you can relax. The next questions are taken care of. When I interviewed my dad while he was ill, for example, having a list of prepared questions allowed me to focus completely on him and our time together. It allowed me to be present, even in an emotional moment.

This book will help you get the conversation started. It was my previous experience interviewing my family that allowed me to know what to ask at my family gathering, and to think ahead to set up the camera. But not to worry — here I share my experience with setting up an environment that makes people feel comfortable. I give you all the questions you need to start (at least, as a jumping off point — feel free to add on and keep going!), suggest where to begin, and give you tips on how to help put people at ease. So, all you have to do is follow the directions here — as if you were following a recipe. Anyone can use this book — even kids can be natural interviewers!

It is common for the person you are interviewing to be curious about how you would answer the same questions, so feel free to pass the book around. Let your grandparents, friends, partners and other family members interview you, too. This book is a tool to be shared and enjoyed by everyone.

HOW TO USE THIS BOOK

There are two ways to use this book: by asking the questions in no particular order to spark conversation at a family get-together or social gathering with friends, or by formally interviewing family members (or close friends) one-on-one. I encourage you to use this book both ways. I have found this leads to stronger and more enriching relationships.

Before you do either of these, however, it's best to go through the entire book and read through the different types of interviews and the many different questions I've provided. Simply mark the sections and questions that are the most the most interesting to you so that you can go back and find them quickly. You might also tag the pages with sticky notes so that you can turn to them easily.

I've provided extra space at the end of most sections for additional questions you might think of. They might come to you while you're reading through the book, or right before an interview, or even after an interview when you realize there's something more you want to know. Don't hesitate to record them and use them later!

In fact, my goal with this book is not to try and provide every possible question, but to give you a starting point for deeper conversations. To help encourage the continuation of your interviews with your loved ones and share the questions you have found most fruitful, I encourage you to email me the...