Why this book? Because I believe it is truly needed. Yes, the traditional role has been for men to be just breadwinners. But what happens if you have to be the breadwinner and the caregiver at the same time because your significant other can no longer do it, is no longer there to do it, or will no longer do it or, just plain outright, won't do it? What if she was never the mothering type to begin with or you've discovered she is such that you wouldn't trust her to take care of even a gerbil no matter how much you love her? Well, that just leaves you, unless you are planning to dump your children upon your folks, the system, or who ever. I hope that's not you, but then if it was, you would not be reading this. As far as I can see, no real effort has been made to give men, young men, any kind of guidance to be really good fathers. You can be a tough manly man and still be a good father. There are plenty of help aides for women, but you just don't see this for men. In this book, I am attempting to provide such based on my own real-life experiences and what I have done with my own children in my care. I may not be able to cover everything, but I will do my best to come as close as reasonably possible. Whether you have made the choice or you have been surprised and discovered the choice has chosen you, I will do my best to give you the information that may help you do the best job possible and hopefully also save you and maybe even your children some pain as well. Some things I say in this book may not seem to apply to fatherhood at first, but believe me, it does as it is interrelated. Nothing happens in a vacuum. There is a reason for everything, and many things that don't seem related actually have an effect on other things. So it is with everything I touch upon in this book.
The Invisible Real Fathers Guide
A Guide For Men Whom Are Or Wish To Be Real Fathers
By Derek McNeilTrafford Publishing
Copyright © 2013 Derek McNeil
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4669-8343-4Contents
Dedication, Page 5,
Special Thanks, Page 6,
Important Notice to The Reader, Page 7,
Preface, Page 8,
Introduction, Page 9,
Pre-Chapter: List of Things Every Good Father Should Have, Page 12,
Chapter One: So You Want To Be A Real Father One Day. Where Do You Start?, Page 19,
Chapter Two: Childcare Before Conception, Page 27,
Chapter Three: The Big Day, Page 33,
Chapter Four: That Helpless Baby, Page 35,
Chapter Five: A Cleaner Way for Your Baby to Benefit from Their Diaper Change, Page 37,
Chapter Six: What to Do When Baby gets Teeth and Bites During Breast Feeding, Page 39,
Chapter Seven: Solid Food, Page 41,
Chapter Eight: Daycares, Page 43,
Chapter Nine: Walking and Hazards for Babies, Page 45,
Chapter Ten: Potty Training, Page 47,
Chapter Eleven: Early Discipline and Later Discipline: When They Can Walk Around and Cause Havoc, Page 49,
Chapter Twelve: To Spank or Not To Spank, Page 53,
Chapter Thirteen: Food and Nutrition, Page 61,
Chapter Fourteen: Morals and Manners, Page 63,
Chapter Fifteen: Television and Video Games, Page 67,
Chapter Sixteen: When Should Your Child go to Bed, Page 71,
Chapter Seventeen: When Should You Teach Children Responsibility, Page 73,
Chapter Eighteen: When Should They Learn to Read and Write, Page 75,
Chapter Nineteen: Toys, Page 77,
Chapter Twenty: Chores, Page 79,
Chapter Twenty-One: Your Children's Friends, Page 81,
Chapter Twenty-Two: Your Child's Dreams and Ideas, Page 83,
Chapter Twenty-Three: Clothes and Shoes, Page 85,
Chapter Twenty-Four: Hygiene, Page 89,
Chapter Twenty-Five: Make Up, Perfume and Ear Rings, Page 91,
Chapter Twenty-Six: Love and Affection, Page 93,
Chapter Twenty-Seven: Your Child going to School, Page 95,
Chapter Twenty-Eight: Sex, Drugs and Crime, Page 99,
Where's My Med's?:, Page 105,
Chapter Twenty-Nine: You have Discovered that You are Really or are soon to be a Single Parent even though You are actually With the Children's Mother, Page 107,
CHAPTER 1
So You Want To Be A Real Father One Day. Where Do You Start?
You start by making sure that first you are really ready which means more than being ready in heart and mind although those are equally as important. You must be financially stable and that means more than just having a job. I'm going to tell you what I was never told as there was no one around who knew better to tell me and you may probably have experienced the same issue as your parents can not tell you what they themselves do not know and were not taught.
1. If you are unmarried and have no children now nor any on the way, do not rush nor put yourself in a position for it to happen. Even if you have someone you think you really love hold your horses. Instead, prepare. What do I mean? What is being prepared? Usually you are told to just get a good job but is that really enough? NO!! It's not! Even if you think back before the economic hard times of now, (an understatement), it wasn't. What if you have children, bought a home, car, and then lose your job. What now? The bills don't go away and mouths have to be fed. Even if you don't lose your job, with both you and your spouse working, where is the time to properly raise the children? Traditionally, jobs have had consideration for women regarding children ranging from good to poor but for men it is so non-existent as to be rated as negative consideration, which is absolutely awful if you are a single father. That means whether you are a man or a woman, you must give consideration to children long before they are here. Once they are here it is too late as children are not commodities. They are neither toys nor pets. They need large quantities of love and care to become well-rounded positive contributors to society and to carry on your family legacy in a positive way. If they don't get that you may have just birthed a burden to society mildly or horrendously speaking. You see, you have to be at work at a certain time and you get off at a certain time. Children don't conform to your schedule though. As babies they come with ever changing schedules. Those schedules change again when they are tots. Then again when they are school age all the way up to high school. Someone has to be there for them through all of that. The time must come from somewhere and if you don't have the time there are others you may not like that will. That could be their peers whom don't know squat themselves or someone from the street whom you really don't want fooling with them and contrary to the media and popular belief, the street is the street whether you're in an undesirable neighborhood or suburbia. Negative characters that want to misguide and use your children may come in different forms but they are everywhere no matter where you are and they are waiting. So before you do any pollinating, this must be thought out and planned for no one else is going to care and do it for you.
2. So what do you need past just employment? You need to look at a job as a means to an end instead of a solution. What do I mean by that? You may have gone to college and got a great job but eventually all jobs come to an end and that doesn't necessarily mean retirement. So what you need to do with your job is live off only what you need and find a means to invest the rest, in mutual funds for instance and establish a retirement plan. Also, purchase some life insurance, preferably term life. You will get it at a low price while you are young and will have it paid up when you are old. Don't blow it on that hopped up car you always wanted. That can come later. Don't go out and prematurely buy your dream home. That too can come later when the time is right, besides, a 30-40 year home loan is more like financial herpes rather than buying a home free and clear, but I digress. By the way, buy a home in your name only before you get married and put it in a land trust. Doing this may save you some pain later. You will have to decide what to invest in, as there is no silver bullet and what works for one may not necessarily work for someone else. But, that investment must be something that will give you a stable return. In other words, something that will provide you with money in the event you lose your job. Something that maybe will ultimately make it so you don't need a job as like I said, you don't want to be in a position where losing your job means you lose everything. I found that lesson out the hard way. You have to understand, family may be there to help or they may not. In fact, even if they can they are not obligated to and may not. Don't put yourself in that position. As a nation we are littered with families now in that position and as a whole, we are suffering for it but once again, I digress. So to recap, before you get hitched and combine genes, save up your money to create a nest egg that you don't touch unless its an emergency, keep clean credit, make financial goals and put a committed plan into action for not just financial stability but also independence and have it bear fruit before you do anything else. After you get hitched and children are on the way it's too late. The demands and new responsibilities are going to slam into you. I'm not saying it's insurmountable but you may find it like mission impossible as you...
