Sunshine hid the pains of joy,
Illegitimate.
Moonlight beamed the joy of pain,
Legitimate love.
—Siguiriya

And lo, twice was I born. My first birth was illegitimate. My second birth was legitimate. But I died.

It all happened in the countryside north of Cádiz, Spain, on May 15, 1750, at my legitimate father's Rancho del Hidalgo Francisco Moreno Gonzales.

My illegitimate mother, Safira the Gypsy, began suffering her birth pains on May 14, early in the morning, about cockcrow. She twisted and turned on her bed of straw in the dark shadows of the cave where she lived on the ranchero. Her breathing alternated between loud and faint as the pains of new life grew stronger and stronger. And lo, she yelled as loud as she could. No one heard or cared, or so it seemed. All the other Gypsies had gone off to work long before cockcrow.

Later that morning, Manuel Lopez, my father's overseer, heard a woman's cries. He looked into her cave and saw her struggling on her bed of straw. He held a cup of water to her cracked lips. Her eyes sparkled with a thank-you. He put the water jug within her reach and left. He thought, Just another Gypsy givin' birth to another unfortunate Gypsy child. With a quick smile, he wondered, Who might be the father?

* * *

My legitimate mother, Senora Margarita Moreno Gonzales, wife of Hidalgo Francisco Moreno Moreno Gonzales, began to feel her birth pains later in the morning. She had just finished her breakfast in her luxurious bedroom with its high open windows to let in the soft sunlight and the cool morning breeze from the Bay of Cádiz. She rested on her soft mattress covered by soft pastel-green silk sheets. Cashmere blankets, the color and fragrance of spring daffodils, kept her comfortable.

Her pains began like small drops of rain before a winter storm. Her maid moistened a small linen napkin in rose water to moisten her lady's brow, cheeks, and neck.

As the pains became more frequent and hurtful—like dark-purple grapes being crushed for wine—the maid placed a piece of leather strap the width of her lady's hand, as thick as her thumb, and moistened mint water into her lady's mouth. Her lady would bite on this to ease the pain and forestall unladylike screams.

In his own room, my father sat in his big leather chair. He enjoyed an early brandy and cigar. The maid kept him informed about his wife's condition. Each time she reported, he smiled and thanked her. Then he poured another brandy.

When Manuel Lopez made his midmorning report to my father, he mentioned his having heard a Gypsy in labor pains down at the caves.

My father asked, "Which Gypsy?"

"It could be Safira," re replied. "Her face was a mess. I gave her some water and left."

"Was anyone there to help?"

"No."

"Thank you, Manuel. I'll send someone to check on her."

"Yes, senor. I must go to check the cows in the north pasture."

"Si, Manuel. Do that and let me know how many new calves we have and can expect."

As soon as Manuel left, my father put on his sombrero and wandered down to the caves.

* * *

On entering Safira's cave, he heard her scream. Quick as a goat jumping a stream, he filled a pail full of water and found a rag to wet and cool her brow.

"That's better, that's better. Nothing's to good for my Safira."

"About time. About time someone came to help me."

"I just learned," he said. "Came as fast as I could."

"Don't put that water in my eyes," she said, grabbing his hand, "just my forehead."

"I'll try to help. But I'm not used to this."

"Too bad you didn't think about this when you were having so much fun a few months ago."

"I'll go get some of the grannies to help. They'll know what to do."

She screamed. She pulled his hand to her chest. "Feel that. That's my heart leapin' like a stag in heat."

She screamed again and again.

"I'll get two grannies," he stammered and fled from her cave.

* * *

In an open space in front of the caves, my father saw three old Gypsies stirring the fire under a large pot of boiling water.

"Can you fine ladies please look after Safira? She's going to have her baby and needs help."

"We're heatin' up the water for her now!" said the oldest-looking woman. "We know what to do, by cracky!" Then she spit on the fire to speed it up.

"But," said the granny with a patch over her right eye, "she ain't due for a while ... maybe tonight, late ... or tomorrow ... early."

"Screams help," chimed in the third granny with three warts on the tip of her nose. "I know from experience." She gave him a knowing, toothless smile.

"Thank you," whispered my father. "I can't stand to hear her screams. I'll be back at the hacienda if you need my help."

Then he walked away, like a goat with a thistle up his ass.

Returning to his brandy and cigars, he waited.

* * *

The next day, after the cock crowed, the old granny with the patch over her right eye entered the kitchen door and asked, "Is the senor here? I must speak to him."

"Just a minute," replied the maid who answered the door. Then she relayed the granny's request to the cook, who told it to the headmistress, who went and knocked on the senor's door.

"Come in," the senor ordered.

"There's an old Gypsy who wants to talk with you."

"I'll be right down."

After putting on his sombrero, he walked to the kitchen door.

Recognizing the granny, my father beckoned her to go outside. They stopped by an old pine tree, out of earshot from the kitchen help staring out of the window.

"What's happened?" he whispered.

"The child's ready to pop any minute," gummed the nanny. "She don't scream no more. Just pants and wheezes lots o' hot air. An' grabs anything or person to stifle the pain."

"Let's go!" my father whispered. He grabbed her hand and dragged her to the cave.

* * *

My father pulled aside the long leafy vines that hung down to screen the entrance to Safira's cave. He looked in to see the other grannies ministering Safira. Her bent knees were raised high above her undulating body, like a wild river crashing over boulders before descending over a waterfall. Then he saw me. The granny with three warts on her nose held me up high by my ankles. She gave my backside a quick slap. Whaaa! Whaaa! Whaaa! I cried. All smiled. The grannies bathed me and wrapped me in swaddling clothes. My mother received me with loving eyes and arms. She kissed me once on each eye. Then she kissed me once on my tiny lips. I felt her warmth and love.

My father woke from his stupor. He fumbled his way to the bed of straw. He knelt. He kissed my mother's forehead. Then he kissed mine too, like a bewildered butterfly buzzing his first buttercup.

In silence, we treasured this moment. Then my father rose to his feet. He sailed through the vines. He walked on sunlit air to his hacienda.

* * *

As my father neared his kitchen door, the head mistress cried out, "Oh, senor, come quick! The senora is in great pain."

"Take me to her at once."

"Yes, senor." Then she led him to her lady's bedroom.

My father entered his wife's room. He felt sorry for her suffering.

They had never loved each other. Theirs had been an arranged marriage. She had done her duty. She had borne him a son,...