History

While I was staying with a fellow-believer and very much in his care he searched out a local Christian book store for anything that might have a help clue on this subject of schizophrenia. He did find one book that included one whole chapter on this very same topic. This book was written by a dear sister in the Lord who resided in Texas at the time it was written. I apologize that I do not remember her name and my searches since to find this same book have proven futile thus far. I only use her as a reference to further validate my own belief.

This disease always begins with "rejection"; which by no means is stating that rejection leads to contracting this disease but this fact does serve to reinforce my experience in how I came to contract it in the first place; which was greatly helped by the witness of the Holy Spirit of God in knowing this.

I do not presently know if it was merely by design or a higher purpose that I was to acquire this disease but I do know that I am not that unique in saying that while in the womb I did experience rejection ... but what led up to why I encountered a source of this disease being planted into my innermost being at age eight I cannot safely say other that it is spiritual in its origin. A series of events led to my seeking to help my neighbourhood and nation prior to age eight and so I figure that the dark powers had reason to try to cause me to become ineffective in seeking God's help for a purpose bigger than myself. The so called "wake up call" in why the Lord would allow such may not be for fully understanding while in this life but it certainly serves to boost my belief in one of the reasons why Jesus was sent some 2000 years ago as HIS message of back then still holds true today and this is He is my ROCK; FORTRESS and DELIVERER. We can by way of the power of God be freed from the negative affects of the dark side to live a whole life serving the Lord ... and for whatever purpose HE may have in MIND for us; it can be fulfilled despite whatever condition may be that we find ourselves to be in. There is a saying in Alcoholics Anonymous that states; "the task ahead of us is never as great as the power behind us" ... this must surely stem from Gospel roots!!

Although I first contracted schizophrenia at age eight it rarely manifested itself until I was in my adult years. The biggest change that occurred was over a span of several years I became more and more withdrawn ... to the point that I eventually lost contact with my surroundings and thereby may have been considered to be a danger to myself ... so by age 25 I was hospitalized into a psychiatric facility which soon diagnosed me as having schizophrenia.

The usual treatment is to see qualified doctors administer drugs which are specially designed to help control symptoms. These I have found do make a significant difference in one's overall ability to function at what could be deemed "normal". In the early days of my experiences with such, which was during the 1980's, there were often terrible side affects which discouraged compliance with the medical authorities in the consistent taking of these prescribed drugs. It has not been until more recent times that an attitude of "alliance" with medical personnel as a part of a "management team" and the fact that newer and better drugs have been developed that a persistent and steady sign of improvement in my condition has happened.

Of course my practice of a viable and constructive form of "Spirituality" as well as the development of a strong social support network has also made a very big difference in my recovery.

However I must accredit the Lord with an ongoing source of strong hope that really sustains my progress.

One phenomena of experience with this disease is that of auditory hallucinations. These are voices like that of some kind of spirit (although scientific research suggests it may be an over stimulation of that part of the brain responsible for speech). These did not start with me until a few years after my original diagnosis and have proven very distracting. It is like a spiritual contest between the forces of good and evil ... which with my embattled mind cannot discern that well what is the source of the message. Some of these "voices" tell some profound things about my life situation but mostly they confuse my mind. I have never acted upon these voices other that a very few times repeating what I heard in conversation (the profoundness got to me) Almost always I forget immediately after hearing them what they are trying to say ... but there have been times when these voices attempt to influence my decision making processes about matters that I deem important to my "life's course". Consequently I seem to not act upon my life course as these distractions tend to lead me into non action.

This is only me sharing my experience. Reportedly this type of phenomena affects others with this disease in different ways. I do believe that some medical personnel call this a type of "psychosis". I frequently tell myself not to listen to them as I do recall what it was like before I became sick and this type of experience is certainly not deemed "normal". This can be a challenge as my powers of concentration have been rendered feeble at times like this. This type of experience usually occurs when I am off alone and trying to seek answers from the LORD ... which leads me to figure a need for some balance ... physical exercise and socializing seem to help lessen the severity of the "voices". I have heard it stated by observers that this "hearing voices" tends to become less and less as aging advances. I have also heard it stated that the powers of cognition tend to become more hindered with the advancing of age, so this stirs me up to try to battle the spiritual component more ... which lately seems to lead me to experience the auditory hallucination phenomena more.

I am trusting that the LORD Himself will help so that my usefulness will prove sufficient as time progresses with reference to what the LORD requires of me.

Like I stated earlier the Lord is a primary source for hope. It is my faith that moves this hope to be realized. I thank God for this gift of faith. It is written that this kind of faith is available to us all ... "Praise God!!"

I will now relay to you what I can recall to be some of the negative symptoms of this illness.... "confusion; suspiciousness; judgementalism; fear; fear of rejection; rejection; self rejection; self will; accusation; false accusation; lust; rebellion; self seduction; paranoid; honesty at all cost; violence (in extremely rare instances); depression; suicide; murder (once in a million chance)" ... also a seemingly inability to interpret the intentions of others (when doing poorly); a seemingly lack of ability to comprehend how others are doing (when doing very poorly); a distortion of perception.

I must now pay high compliment towards those social researcher's of behavioral patterns of people with like illness as these people have helped to keep many of the more glaring defects in thinking "in check".

I must say that despite one having a serious mental illness the presence of intelligence is most certainly not lacking with the patient. With me my mind has operated well most of the time ... especially since getting on to a prescribed medication that has few negative side affects ... however the troubles that seemed to have occurred were when...