Do you feel mired in the pit of hopelessness, helplessness, and despair? Do you struggle in your everyday Christian walk? In Jumping Out of Satan's Lie Pot and Landing in God's Truth, author Emma Warren uses her thirty-five-year, roller-coaster battle

Jumping Out of Satan's Lie Pot and Landing in God's truth

By Emma Warren

iUniverse, Inc.

Copyright © 2012 Emma Warren
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4759-1447-4

Contents

1. The Most Needed Message....................................................xiii2. Introduction...............................................................xv3. Chapter One - In the Beginning.............................................14. Chapter Two - The Art of Satan—His Deceitfulness.....................95. Chapter Three - Different Situations Same Depression.......................796. Chapter Four - Bringing It All Together....................................937. Chapter Five - Happily Ever After..........................................1338. Chapter Six - The Ending Wrap-up...........................................1399. Poem - "Never Forsaken"....................................................14110. The Beginning, Not the End: A Loving Tribute..............................143

Chapter One

In the Beginning

Once upon a time, many years ago, I married my strong, handsome knight in shining armor. Those beautiful blue eyes did the trick for me. This was a wonderful time in our life. I remember how excited I was in our first apartment, shopping for all the little knick-knacks that make it look adorable; I loved to decorate. I enjoyed cooking for my knight, loving him, doing all the things that make a house a home.

Right away we found out we were starting our family. This was something we hadn't planned on happening so soon after marriage, but our first big surprise was that we were expecting a baby! I wasn't excited about adding to our new family. Over the next few weeks I kept thinking, "Maybe you're not really having a baby, maybe Mother Nature is just messed up a little. "Well, she hadn't messed up; the doctor confirmed my suspicion. So, we were going to have a baby, but I still wasn't overjoyed with the prospect.

And then, that mommy's love syndrome kicked in. I started falling so in love with this little person growing inside me. Each day my love for our baby grew. I was so excited! I started buying clothes for when I would outgrow my regular ones, and in my mind I would think of things to get for our baby, and I wondered what the baby would look like. Would it have those beautiful blue eyes of my handsome knight? Would it be a boy or girl? My excitement and happiness grew by leaps and bounds. The disappointment I felt when I learned of the baby was long, long gone.

And then, about two and one half months into my pregnancy, I began feeling not very well. I didn't know what was wrong, but I remember missing a week of work because of it. By Saturday evening I felt quite sick, and I got out of bed, and as I stood up, water and blood gushed out of my body. This scared me to death. I lay back down on the bed and called Ernie, my husband, to our bedroom. He said, "Get up; we need to go to the hospital." I told him I couldn't get up. He thought I couldn't walk, but I just meant I was afraid I would gush again. Anyway, he picked me up and carried me through the deep snow to our car. We had just received one of those cold, wintry, deep snows that the month of February is known for.

The doctor at the hospital examined me. I don't know what they did, but it felt as if they were pulling my insides out. I didn't know I could ask them what they were doing. I was so young and inexperienced. To make matters worse, all of this was happening on my birthday.

Anyway, the doctor and nurses sent me back home after they finished doing their thing. Around 3 o'clock Sunday morning, Ernie woke me to take some medicine the doctor at the hospital had given me, and when I stood, I passed some tissue.

I remember my parents and some of our family came over to our apartment the Sunday this happened. At that time we hadn't talked to our doctor about the matter I had passed in the bedroom earlier that morning, but we were pretty sure it was our baby. Ernie was able to get our doctor on the phone, and he said, "Yes, that was your baby. "When Ernie told me what the doctor said, my world came crashing down. My precious little one was gone. No bundle of joy would be placed in my arms in a few months. No, my arms would be empty. No baby to rock and hold close, no fingers and toes to count, no wondering, "Does he look like mommy or daddy? Does he have those beautiful blue eyes like my knight? "There would be no name to tell or "Is it a girl or boy?" to answer. There was no chance to hold my baby and at least say "Goodbye." I was aching through and through.

As my heart was breaking, Ernie tried his best to comfort me. He gently promised, "We can have another baby" (men always try to fix things!). I told him, "I don't want another baby. I want my baby." Bless his heart, he was trying his best. And what saddened me more, I heard my sister-in-law from the other room ask, "Why is she crying?" I don't know if she thought since I didn't have a baby to be seen, there never was a baby. I believe life in my baby began the moment he was conceived, and my baby died somewhere along the way, maybe the beginning of the week when I started becoming so sick.

Through my many years of depression, is this where the first seed was dropped? I know the death of our baby germinated and grew over the years and was watered with guilt and sadness. Questions began; "Did I do something to injure my baby?" I always wondered, "Was it a girl or boy?" Those two questions haunted me over the years; I never dealt with them. I just ignored them, allowing them to grow and fester into weeds in the fertile ground of my mind. I watered them with much sadness, guilt, and tears. How do you get rid of this sadness and guilt? This I didn't know.

Well, Ernie was right; we could have another baby. Just a couple months passed and my doctor announced, "You're expecting a baby." I wasn't as upset this time hearing the news. I still wished it hadn't happened so soon, but I was O.K. with it.

It was about this time that my husband was drafted by Uncle Sam into the United States Army. We decided he would go for six months and then join the National Guard for five and a half years. We decided I would go live with my parents for those six months. I really appreciated them allowing me to do that. But, I missed Ernie terribly. I remember to this day, all these years later, hearing that big old Greyhound bus come around the long, winding curve just up the road from my parents' house, and came to a screeching stop, and he got on. The sad feelings can still be brought to mind when my thoughts go back to that day; I felt as if my world was ending. My love, my knight in shining armor, was leaving. I missed him terribly in the weeks that followed. I think being pregnant while being away from him made it worse for me

While I was staying with my parents, the most wonderful thing happened to me. You may say, "How can that be? Your knight was gone. I thought he was the most wonderful thing that ever happened to you?" I was attending the revival at the church where my mom was a member, the church I attended growing up, the one where Ernie and I were married, and I got saved. I couldn't wait to tell Ernie my good news, hoping he too, would accept the Lord. But he didn't.

A month or so before the birth of our baby, I moved back to Ohio to live with my sister and her husband, and a couple of weeks before the birth of our baby, I ended up in the hospital for a few days. My body was becoming toxic. I didn't let Ernie know I was in the hospital because I didn't want to worry him, but he did get to come home from the...