"Imagine that you are in an airport walking through an endless maze of hallways before finally reaching your gate, where you will sit for hours waiting for your plane. As you are walking, a bookshop catches your eye, and you drop in. There are hundreds of different books from which to choose. What is it that draws you to a particular book?" —Dr. Harris R. Cohen Introduction to "Lessons Learned" Whatever has drawn you to this book is a strong indication that its content could be very important to you. This may be a rare opportunity to learn how you can achieve your goals: whether they are physical, mental, or spiritual. Once you understand the process of how and why you make everyday decisions, you are able to better understand and negotiate with yourself. This allows you to pursue an enlightened, more natural path toward all that you desire. Reading this book can change the course of your life—so take a chance and start right now! "After reading this book, it was obvious to me that Dr. Harris Cohen is a true teacher and a devout student of life. This book is filled with heartfelt stories and common sense strategies that will change how you view life forever." —Steve Rizzo, Author of Becoming a Humor Being "Dr. Cohen offers a fresh and practical approach to decision making. With wit and wisdom his readers are guided on a journey to a selfnegotiated life of health and happiness." —Professor Barbara Dean, Suffolk College www.drharriscohen.com

Lessons Learned

How to Negotiate the Life You Want to LiveBy Harris R. Cohen

Abbott Press

Copyright © 2012 Dr. Harris R. Cohen
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4582-0248-2

Contents

Introduction.......................................ixPrologue...........................................xiii1. Who Am I?.......................................1Tom................................................3Transformations....................................7Self-Esteem Negotiation............................132. Science of Negotiations.........................19How Do It Know?....................................21Just Ease Off the Clutch...........................25The Hurricane......................................293. Everyone Needs a Mentor.........................33The First Time.....................................35School Days........................................40The Mick...........................................454. Faith...........................................49Just Love..........................................51Parachute..........................................56Where Is the Pony?.................................625. Experience......................................65My First Workout...................................67Same Old Way, Same Old Results.....................71Come On Man!.......................................756. Inspiration.....................................79Row, Row, Row Your Boat............................81Football...........................................85Like Attracts Like.................................88Ralph..............................................917. Goals...........................................95Goals..............................................97Epilogue...........................................104

Chapter One

SECTION ONE

Who Am I?

"Know thyself means this, that you get acquainted with what you know, and what you can do."

Menander Greek Comic Dramatist

Tom

Here was this six-foot tall, 200-pound adolescent walking towards me ready to rip my head off. In my most commanding voice, I told him to: "Sit down!" He did, and I breathed a sigh of relief. He could have squashed me like a grape! Little did I know then that this large person would teach me a large lesson in life.

My first occupation was teacher of biology, chemistry, and general science. Although I was fortunate to teach advanced classes in regents biology, I was also assigned one class in physical science. This class in physical science was reserved for students who just needed a credit in science to get a high-school diploma. These students were a drastic change from the other young adolescents that I had been teaching.

This particular class was a real challenge. The students didn't want to learn and had no interest in the course whatsoever. The most you could hope for was to keep their attention, making it possible for them to learn something. One day, I decided that we would just read aloud from the textbook. Each one of the students took their turn until it came to Tom. He looked at me with his steely gray eyes, and said: "I'm not reading from the book."

I had learned that confrontation was not a good way to motivate someone, but my education and experience were lost in the moment. My retort was: "What do you have for a brain?" He stared me down even more intently, and again said: "I'm not reading from the book." I took this as a challenge (oh, how dumb!) and told him: "If you don't read from the book, there will be consequences!" He stood up, came towards me, and screamed: "I'm going to leave, and I'm never coming back!" To that, I commanded: "Sit down!" He did, and I was very relieved. As I mentioned before, he was a big guy and could have squashed me like a grape!

After the class was over, I talked with him. I apologized for embarrassing him in front of his fellow students. He accepted my apology and proceeded to tell me about himself. Although he appeared to be slow, this adolescent had an IQ in the 140s, which is genius level. However, he was severely dyslexic. In fact, Tom was so bright that he was able to go from kindergarten to sixth grade before anyone realized that he might be dyslexic. Even after the diagnosis had been determined, no real measures were taken in order to combat the condition.

As a result, Tom became extremely disgruntled about school and about life. If it were not for the fact that he loved to work with his hands and that his father had gotten him into carpentry, Tom probably would have wound up in serious trouble or even incarcerated!

Luckily, his superior intellect enabled him to overcome his handicap. He learned to transpose numbers when necessary and became an exceptional carpenter.

I found Tom's story fascinating, and throughout the school year we grew closer. I was moving into a new house and discussed with him what sort of countertops I should use in the kitchen. He came up with some really great ideas.

The end of the year arrived, and it was almost time for Tom to graduate. The high school where I taught was also a vocational school. Tom spent the morning in the academic portion of the high school and then, the afternoon in the vocational portion. Each year, the carpentry school would literally build a house from scratch. This included the walls, the interior, and the electric. The house was complete except for the foundation. As a result of his work on the house, Tom received the Outstanding Senior Award for Carpentry. This couldn't have happened to a nicer kid!

The only thing that would prevent Tom from pursuing his budding carpentry career was the lack of a driver's license. But he was determined. So off to the DMV he went, to get a Learner's Permit. Although he could not read the test because of his dyslexia, Tom was assigned a proctor who would give this "poor dumb boy" the test. Much to everyone's surprise, Tom got 100 percent! No dumb kid here! So, armed with his new Learner's Permit, and soon, his high school diploma, Tom was happy and secure in his future for the first time. What a sight to see! Talk about the importance of self-esteem!

Near the end of the school year, Tom asked me to come around to the back of the vocational school. As I approached the back of the school, I saw Tom holding a very large piece of wood. He told me that this was the chopping block for which I'd been searching. It was three foot by six foot and was four inches thick of solid oak. This chopping block was hand doweled and varnished with fourteen coats. There wasn't even one piece of metal in it! This masterpiece had been made simply by piecing wood together and gluing it. It was indeed the perfect chopping block (about three hundred pounds worth)! He said that this was his gift to me for taking the time to get to know him better. With tears running down my cheeks, I accepted the chopping block with open arms. In fact, this wonderful gift remained part of my home until we sold my first house fifteen years later.

Teaching is a wonderful profession because you can influence young people in a positive direction. Sometimes, the role is reversed. Although I taught Tom many things, he taught me so much more! He taught me how to be tolerant of other people. In situations where people might use their fists, Tom taught me to turn the other cheek and laugh. He made me understand what it was like to be handicapped, when few people other than the handicapped understood. Basically, he taught me how to be a better human being!

As you think about this story, keep in mind all of the prejudices that people exhibit every...