R E S P E C T

Riding with Miss Manners

"Things may happen to you, but the only things that matter are the things that happen in you." – Eric Butterworth

Raise your hand if you have never done anything dangerous or just plain dumb while driving an automobile? For those with their hands up, let me remind you about: That recent red light you went through. No, pink doesn't mean go with caution.

What about the person you pulled in front of and you proceeded to drive at snail speed. They almost had your tail pipe as a hood ornament. Or the time you cut off the driver in front of you because the Sale' sign was just too damn compelling. And I distinctively remember a "Stop" sign doesn't mean proceed slowly with vigilance. Furthermore, remember backing into that car in the parking lot? You thought, "That car wasn't behind me when I arrived two hours ago."

Just as I thought, all hands are down. Now, raise your hand if you have ever witnessed another driver doing something dangerous or just plain dumb? Here are a few of my favorites: The early morning "I'm late I'm late" driver finishing her make up 1o miles over the speed limit. Or the man putting the final touches on that last-minute shave during his NASCAR-like commute.

How about the youthful driver cruising at 60 mph and texting a very important message? Oops! That tree interrupted the texting. "Sorry Mom and Dad. I'll never be home for dinner." And one of my all-time favorites: The driver who was approaching "Suicide Central," the intersection of Rt. 50 and Emily Drive in Clarksburg, West Virginia. She was proceeding through a pink light, cigarette in one hand, coffee in the other and head tilted to the left holding a cell phone against their shoulder. Obviously well coordinated and very stupid. Their juggling might get them a circus job, but it might also get them (or someone) unexpected coverage in the obituaries.

My point: Through these eyes, every driver (sooner or later) either initiates or becomes the victim of highway stupidity. Too often this stupidity results in further stupidity ... (aka) "Road Rage." I would like to devote the rest of this story to my unique solutions for highway temper tantrums.

First, I believe people make obscene gestures, yell obscenities, or otherwise react in socially unacceptable ways toward other drivers because they "know they can." It's almost like making that unpleasant phone call rather then talking with the individual in person. You become disconnected and safe. And can easily run away by hanging up. As a driver, you can 'salute' or yell at an offending motorist and drive (run) away. Avoid the face-to-face.

Here are my unique (sort of) solutions for highway tantrums: For the perpetrator (the cause of the incident) – Ignore the obscenities, stare straight ahead, and close your ears. Or simply apologize with the windows up and the doors locked. An exaggerated, "I'm sorry. I'm stupid" usually works.

Don't try to get creative or throw them off balance like I once did. After apparently irritating the driver behind me, he pulled alongside and presented me with a very unkind salute. I looked at him, smiled, and threw him a kiss. Not smart! In hind sight, my actions could have enraged him further or could have gotten me a date ... neither of which would have been desirable.

For the victim – If another driver does something beside, in front of, or behind you that is stupid, dangerous, or dumb, take a deep breath before you do or say something that is stupid, dangerous, or dumb. Think: That person could be a serial killer wanted by the FBI. Or, would you react in a belligerent or obscene way if you suddenly recognized the offender as your best friend? Well, come to think of it you might. But it would probably be with a smile and friendly salute!

Before you do or say something obscene to another driver remember, "Quit lying to your self! We all drive dumb at times." And my best solution for highway tantrums is, "Oh, high Mom. I didn't know that was you. We need to talk later."

I've never committed a thoughtless act while behind the wheel of a car. Except lie frequently.

Send Them Back – They're Illegal!

"The greatest good you can do for another is not to just share your riches, but to reveal to him his own." – Benjamin Disraeli

Send e'm back, they wear funny clothes!

Send e'm back, they can't speak our language!

Send e'm back, they have a different religion!

Send e'm back, they have foreign diseases!

No doubt, Powhatan, the Algonquian Indian Chief, and many of his followers thought and said these very words. For the record, they were directed at the English – in 1607. I think I still hear these words today. Listen, do you? Oh yea, this story is about immigration. No personal opinions though. Because, my opinions are just that – personal. However, I hope it will make you think. Think about your relatives and why they came to a strange and different land ... America.

My family came from Belgium and Germany. Legally, I think. It doesn't really make any difference now. That was over a hundred years ago. But, what if it was last week? At one time, immigration was mainly an historical topic for me, to be taught and analyzed in the classroom. While living in Virginia, it became personal. We lived in a city that was a political, religious, and ethnic melting pot.

Those years opened my eyes to ethnic diversity. I met adults and children who fled unimaginable suffering, inhumanity, poverty, and political persecution. Those years also opened my eyes to Americans who made an art form of using the system. Those who can work and should work, but choose not to work.

I had a friend who worked for the INS (Immigration and Naturalization Service). They raided an open-air vegetable market in Washington, D.C. looking for illegal immigrants. As they were loading the illegals, he noticed a large crowd gathering. He said, "Go on in. I think they're hiring now." Someone in the crowd said, "F_ _ k no!! I ain't working for no piss-ass wages!" "Mike, I was so angry I felt like arresting the crowd. Maybe we were deporting the wrong group."

After retiring from education, I sold automobiles while Sandra, my wife, finished her tour of duty in education. One of my customers was a young man from Mexico. One day he said, "Mike, I love Mexico, but down there you work hard and get nothing. Here, you work hard and get something. I work hard for my family, here and in Mexico. One day, I want them to have what I have in my new country."

At that point, I didn't care if he was illegal or not. Over the years, I knew several immigrants who became citizens. I found out obtaining visas, sponsors, application fees, Green Cards, permanent resident status, and...