CHAPTER 1

1. Who is calling me now?

This question reminds me of a popular book and movie in whichGod was calling.

Our daily phone call logs show that people know us and callus. Some people may not know us but have our records (thequintessential telemarketer) and call us as well. Then we have thewrong connections.

Something that strikes me is that many times, we are more politeresponding to wrong connections than to people we know.

I wonder why.

Is it that we have a definitive mental model of who the people weknow are?

Is it that we believe every telemarketer is out to sell? Because Ipatiently listen to some of them, by chance I realize that many ofthem are calling me for feedback to make their services better orperhaps to give me a gift that I deserve.

Perhaps someone is reaching out for me to contribute to his or herwell-being and growth?

Then there are people who call us to give us good news. Bad news.Useless news. Useful news. Is it fair to assume that, just because afriend is calling, it will always be good news or to assume that, if acompetitor is calling, it will always be bad news?

Why do we prejudge?

As Buddha once said, "A person cannot take bath in the same rivertwice, because the river has flowed."

Why do we assume that every situation with a person is going to besimilar?

On a related note, perhaps the best love stories are those that havevariety. It is not about spicing life up. It is about being free and opento life, not having prejudgments.

The more we put into life, the more it gives us.

The challenge is this: how do we grow in spite of ourselves?

2. Let me pick up the phone.

Have you ever been to a game arcade and watched your kidsshooting at targets?

Most often, the best scores happen not when they fire and then aimnor when they aim and then fire, but when they do a little of both.

Answering calls is a bit like that. Responding to a call for arelationship is a bit like that.

I wonder if one can ever plan to initiate and be in a relationship,unless we are talking of matrimony or dating sites. (I wonder whichones last longer these days!)

Somewhere out there our sense of picking up the phone reflectshow we embark on relationships, how we see our past, our current"state of being," and maybe how we long for the future (say, if thatphone call is from the head of HR, who may be calling to offer thatbig package).

As we pick up the call, we may be modeled by who we are and whatwe have been through. Some people pick up the call "just like that,"whereas some are meticulous about checking to see whether it issomeone they know and decide whether to pick up or not pick up(response).

As I look at the call timers on my phone, I realize that I havereceived four times more calls than I have made. (And here Ithought I was a consultant who sold for a living!) I recall doinga similar stock take five years back. The statistics were just theopposite.

As I reflect, I realize that maybe I am at a stage of life where I amnot embarking on new relationships as much as being grateful toGod for the ones I have and nurturing them—maybe spendingmore time with these relationships, some of whom may actually crywhen I die. Maybe I am being able to let people "in."

3. Great to hear from you!

"Hey, thanks for calling."

"Long time, no see."

"Would you mind not disturbing me now?"

"Go to hell. I don't want to talk to you."

We may be using the same set of ears that God has given us, thesame phone, but what comes through could be so very different.

Wouldn't it be easier to believe that, irrespective of the call script, itis great to hear from the other person?

Through what that person is conveying may be a life lesson, anopportunity to give in the truest sense.

Perhaps "Would you mind not disturbing me now?" could help usbe more patient. The sacred texts talk about titiksha (forbearance)as a key cornerstone of life. As I write this, I am patiently waiting torelive in a more positive way a relationship that I hold in the dearestsense, but one that I had a huge role in messing up.

"Go to hell. I don't want to talk to you" could mean that I will talkto you when you to go to heaven. I once read, "If you treat me like aqueen, I will treat you like a king." That's simple, isn't it?

A qualifier: it is better not to expect to be treated like a king or evento be the king.

If the cosmic forces have enough positive energy that one has beenable to create by treating the other person as a queen, it will happenanyway.

The queen-king analogy can be extended to a two friends ("if youtreat me like a friend, the positive energy and forces will causeme to treat you so as well), boss-subordinate (respect is mutuallyearned, not demanded) and so on.

Wasn't it a wise scientist who once observed, "e=mc²," that is,energy and mass are interchangeable and morphable. When we dieand are buried or cremated, don't we all turn into mass and energyas well? (Have you ever observed the flakes emanating out of thepyre?) Why is it that it takes a death experience to understand whatis actually a life experience?

4. BTW, the signal isn't great!

Rather than disconnect and dial or message back, we continue totalk.

We hope the signal gets better so we can hear each other.

We continue to battle the forces of nature and bandwidth, thinkingthe signal (connection) will improve.

When was the last time we reflected on the best way to deal withlife's waves?

Is it by fighting the waves or floating with them?

As one in among a billion subscribers, we may not have the luxuryof influencing mobile networks.

But being one among billions of planets, we do have the luxury ofinfluencing our life's networks.

Who we are is in our hands, and that truly determines what is onour hands. Medical science has proven that, even late in life, palmlines do change, influenced by physiological factors and our "stateof being."

I would not even attempt to guess what the palm lines of the greatswere.

I would certainly be excited to draw inspiration from what they did,what was in their hands, because they chose to let their palms openup, to allow their palms to grip life's situations with all their might,humility, strength, and wisdom.

Can we just open up our palms right now, close our eyes, andprepare to grip what we must to live life fully and well?

The saddest situation in life is when "die today" but are "buriedafter a decade"—or maybe a couple of them.

5. "I am losing signal ..."

Have you ever wondered when one gets more irritated: when oneloses signal right at the beginning of a call or when one is in themiddle of a conversation?

Chances are it is the latter.

Relationships are probably a lot like that.

Most frustrations and anger and everything irritating happenswhen one is deeply in the middle of it all and suddenly begins tolose the signal.

However, my experience shows that, if the intent is for a true,lifelong connection, a deep-rooted one at that, the signal will berestored, just like that! Magic!

The connection will stay in spite of a temporary loss of signal.

All it takes is a smile, a hug, a confession, being accountable andresponsible, true commitment.

As I write this, I am in the middle of a signal-restoration...