The Lost and Found Box: A Provocative Exploration about Rediscovering Happiness and the REAL You! Whether you lost a portion of yourself in a romantic relationship or forgot what really makes you happy, The Lost and Found Box is a tool to explore who you used to be, who you are, and who you could be. This book will help you identify those "treasures" in your box to empower you to give yourself the best of you! "This book reminds us of how easy it is to get lost in our relationships and careers. However, after reminding us, Wadley offers analysis that is sure to assist the reader in finding and reclaiming that which was lost or given away" F. Carl Walton, Ph.D. Associate Vice President for Student Development Lincoln University "If you are willing to admit that you lost a part of yourself along the way in life and are ready to get back what you lost, this is the book for you" George James, LMFT Therapist, Speaker, Professor & Consultant www.GeorgeTalks.com / Twitter: @GeorgeTalksLLC "The Lost and Found Box is a great relationship compass to stay or get back on the right track to a healthy relationship. Dr. Wadley has written a book that should be required reading for all couples" Walker Tisdale III Founder/Publisher Healthblackmen.org "Clever approach with helping people empower themselves first, then their relationship. Great advice for anyone seeking to be happy and loved" Reggie Ware CEO of Blackdoctor.org "In one very engaging and thought provoking read, Dr. Wadley has managed to accomplish what no Road Atlas, Thompson's Guide or even the most technologically advanced GPS system on the market can do, and that is truly locate and identify who and where we are in a relationship" Michael A. Courts Social Media Expert

THE LOST AND FOUND BOX

A Provocative Exploration About Rediscovering Happiness And The Real You!By JAMES WADLEY

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2012 Dr. James Wadley
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4685-4354-4

Contents

CHAPTER ONE WHERE DID I GO AND WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?............................................................................1How Do You Find Yourself? Make a Plan...........................................................................................8Start Small.....................................................................................................................13What Keeps You From Being Passionate About Yourself?............................................................................15Your Career Path................................................................................................................17If You Can't Find the Answer....................................................................................................19Don't Hang On To What Is Not Working............................................................................................21What Does This Have To Do With Your Relationships?..............................................................................25Self-Sabotage and Escape........................................................................................................25Avoidance Behaviors.............................................................................................................30Developing Resentment...........................................................................................................34Anxiety and Depression..........................................................................................................36Loss of Self-Worth, Self-Esteem, Self-Respect...................................................................................37Letting Yourself Go.............................................................................................................38What Are The Benefits of Finding Myself?........................................................................................39SELF-REFLECTION AND DISCUSSION QUESTIONS........................................................................................42CHAPTER TWO WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR MY HAPPINESS: YOU OR I?.....................................................................45What Is Keeping You From Your Happiness?........................................................................................47So What Is Keeping You from Your Happiness?.....................................................................................51Your Bad Attitude...............................................................................................................52Your Appearance.................................................................................................................53Your Baggage....................................................................................................................54The Benefits of Being Happy.....................................................................................................57How Do I Make Myself Happy?.....................................................................................................58On the Outside..................................................................................................................60On the Inside...................................................................................................................61Do What Makes You Feel Good.....................................................................................................61Surround Yourself with Happiness................................................................................................62Happiness and needs.............................................................................................................62Why It's Important to Take Control of Your Happiness............................................................................69SELF-REFLECTION AND DISCUSSION QUESTIONS........................................................................................71CHAPTER THREE COMMUNICATING WHAT'S INSIDE THE RELATIONAL BOX...................................................................73Communication Safety............................................................................................................74SELF-REFLECTION AND DISCUSSION QUESTIONS........................................................................................101CHAPTER FOUR EMERGENCE FROM INVISIBILITY: OFFERING AND ACCEPTING UNCONDITIONAL TRUTH...........................................103People Pleasers.................................................................................................................112People Who Believe Their Truth Is Universal.....................................................................................115What If You Don't Have ALL the Answers..........................................................................................118Finding Other "Stuff" in the Lost and Found Box.................................................................................121and Working on the Negative.....................................................................................................124SELF-REFLECTION AND DISCUSSION QUESTIONS........................................................................................127CHAPTER FIVE EMERGING FROM INVISIBILITY AND THE COURAGE TO CHANGE..............................................................129Why Failing Is Important to Success.............................................................................................133Yourself........................................................................................................................137Being Proud of Me...............................................................................................................139SELF-REFLECTION AND DISCUSSION QUESTIONS........................................................................................142CHAPTER SIX BRINGING IT ALL TOGETHER ... HOW FINDING MYSELF ALLOWS ME TO CREATE THE RELATIONSHIP I DESERVE.....................145SELF-REFLECTION AND DISCUSSION QUESTIONS........................................................................................157

Chapter One

Where Did I Go and What Happened To Me?

We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves.

François Duc de La Rochefoucauld (French Author)

Will I ever have a chance to meet the person you become when I'm not around?

Anonymous

People spend inordinate amounts of time, money, and emotion trying to figure out how to be true to themselves. They buy books, attend costly self-help workshops, and confide in experts as they try to find out who they really are. Many people assume that being true and honest with themselves will allow them to be happy in their intimate relationships. They assume that the process of exploring themselves will bring forth a higher level of satisfaction. Moreover, it is assumed that not having a sound understanding of oneself may increase the likelihood of being dissatisfied and possibly emotionally stagnant in relationships. If your partner would be okay...