This is straight talk and teaching. Bishop Joseph W. Walker III draws on scripture to describe five ways for men and women to give and receive the kind of love that leads to what we all want--a fulfilling committed relationship. These steps include how to be ready for a holy hookup, meeting the standard, being real, being on the same team, and living to the glory of God together. "A long-lasting, loving, intimate relationship is a beautiful thing. I should know because I’ve been blessed with two. The day I married Dr. Diane Greer was one of the happiest days of my life… But that did not last because Diane died a few years later…This past year I married Dr. Stephaine Hale. It was a day I will never forget. God gave me the desires of my heart and proved to me that He is a restorer…I am convinced that that day began the best days of the rest of my life…Because I’ve been there, I also know that relationships take work. They don’t just happen. They are give and take propositions… But after all the fluff is brushed away, there are five basic steps in this journey of getting together and staying together." from the book

Love and Intimacy

Five Ways to Get Together and Stay TogetherBy Joseph W Walker III

Abingdon Press

Copyright © 2010 The United Methodist Publishing House
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4267-0404-8

Chapter One

STEP 1 BE READY FOR A HOLY HOOKUP

TRUST THE TRUTH

Eli peered fearfully through the window. Was she coming yet? If only she wouldn't come until he remembered what he had promised her. He knew it had something to do with where he was supposed to take her, but when you date three girls at one time, it's hard to keep all the details straight.

Evon hated kids, but she loved Tim, who happened to be bringing his young son to meet her tonight. If things worked out, they all would go away to the mountains next weekend. Just great! Why, she wondered to herself, had she told Tim that she adored children and sure, she'd love to spend time with his little boy. Actually she never got along with children, had nothing in common with them, and was dreading the whole thing.

To be ready to get together, we first have to trust that telling the truth is the best way. Have you ever told a lie or kept a secret so that other people would like you? We probably all have. When we meet a person we'd really like to get close to, sometimes we are tempted to suppress certain things, usually unresolved issues, mistakes, or character flaws. It's natural. Everyone wants to make a good impression. Sometime we are even afraid that once they know these things they might not like or want to be with us. But in not unveiling those things in an appropriate way, you create a misrepresentation and problems down the road.

When we enter into relationships under false pretenses, suppressing the real us, others can fall in love with the person we created and not the real us. And because we know it is a false representation, we always are on guard, afraid to let something slip. Later reality sets in and things start leaking out. They learn that we've been keeping secrets, and they begin to wonder and doubt the relationship. If you want to be ready to enter into a relationship, you first have to let the truth be your friend.

FULL DISCLOSURE

When God matchmakes, there is full disclosure. Because you are aligned with the truth, you know God accepts you and that you are on the road toward healing and wholeness. When you approach a new relationship, you are secure enough to disclose up front any negative or positive things that have occurred in your life. You know you've grown from your mistakes and used those lessons to groom you to be a better person. You can freely admit mistakes and lessons you've learned because of God's acceptance, grace, and mercy toward you. You can admit struggles that you still deal with and share how you've been delivered.

When you're honest at the beginning of a relationship, other people know they can take you or leave you. They know what they are getting. If you really care about someone, doesn't that person deserve the option of saying no? How would it feel to be married to somebody for years, waking up in the same bed, eating at the same table, having children together, and then having the marriage fall apart because your mate believed that she never really knew you? I'd feel betrayed, hurt, and angry. Take the honest and godly road. If someone decides to pass on you, it may hurt initially; but it will also tell you that this relationship would not have worked out anyway.

DISCOVER YOUR SPIRITUAL IDENTITY

To be ready for a meaningful relationship you have to know who you are. In many ways you and I both are a collage of experiences. Some of these experiences bless us and make us happy and other experiences curse us and make us bleed. The key to knowing who we are is understanding who we are to God. That way we can be confident in our own skin. When you know who you are in God, you will know the truth and the truth will set you free for full disclosure.

It's God's style to create with many complex and interesting aspects. That's why there are more than a thousand varieties of bananas and millions of different flowers and fish. There are even hundreds of thousands of different beetles, many uniquely suited for a single plant. Humans are also multifaceted. You are complex and interesting. The Bible says that you are wonderfully made. You are worthy because God created a unique, special you. That's just the way God rolls.

THE TRUE YOU

Who is the true you? Who is the person that God calls you to be? The person that God can help you become?

YOU ARE ACCEPTED

Who are you? You are accepted by God. In John 15:15 Jesus calls His disciples His friends. As a modern-day follower of Jesus, you are a friend of Christ, accepted by Christ. "But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God" (John 1:12 NLT). Jesus' recognition of the woman with the issue of blood showed His acceptance of her. He saw through the crowds, through the cultural expectations, through physical disabilities, and validated her and her faith. He accepted her and He accepts us, wounds and all.

YOU ARE JUSTIFIED

But just because God accepts you, that does not mean that you are in a right relationship with Him now. God knows we just can't make it right by ourselves, so He justifies us. Romans 5:1 says, "Therefore, having been justified ... we have peace with God." Don't let the failures in your life stop you from acting and living like you're God's child. Tell yourself: I am acquitted, I have peace with all. It is Just-As-If-I'd never done anything wrong. Then in 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, you learn that you've been "bought at a price." He thought enough of you to die for you. He did that for me too!

YOU ARE SECURE

This is a big one, because we have a generation of insecure people. Too much insecurity ruins relationships. Have you been a victim of somebody else's insecurity? Someone yells at you because he doesn't know what to do? Someone accuses you because she is afraid of getting caught for something she did? He takes something away from you because your having it makes him feel small? The insanity behind their paranoia can drive you nuts! One of the best things you can bring to a relationship is your secure personality. You are secure because you believe what God has done for you! Your security is not based on how anyone treats you, attends to you, or even loves you. You do not have to seek security in someone else because you are secure already.

Romans 8, verse 1 says, "There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit" (KJV). That means I'm secure because I'm free from condemnation. I may have a checkered past, but that's behind me. Condemnation can be deadly in relationships. It keeps people from telling the truth about who they really are and where they've really been. They're afraid you'll condemn them and hold it against them. If you've had a troubled past, you have to be secure in God's promise and say that was me; but now, I'm a new man in Christ Jesus, a new woman in Christ Jesus. Let people test you-you are steady and secure.

YOU ARE ANOINTED

Second Corinthians 1:21-22 reminds us that "it is God who establishes us with you in Christ and has anointed us, by putting his seal on us and giving us his Spirit in our hearts as a first...