CHAPTER 1
Sue Quenton looked at the computer screen with amazement. The search engine for the dating site listed 64 males between the ages of fifty-five and seventy, living within 10 kilometres of St Kilda, who were looking for a relationship with a woman. If she changed the search criteria to within 25 kilometres, then the number of men looking for a relationship in that age category increased to 515! Within her social circles, there were few single men. The numbers on the dating site seemed incredibly high. Kate, her daughter, must have been right. Maybe this was a way to find a new relationship, even at her age.
Sue was sixty years old. Not old really, given that the average life span for women was currently pegged at eighty years. She knew she was still fit and had the energy to play squash three or four times a week. There was no reason, she told herself, that she wouldn't still be alive in twenty years. That said, she was aware that the time she had left to live was finite and, increasingly, she told herself that she wanted to get the most out of it. She liked her job as a research librarian at the local university, she was able to travel overseas once a year, and she had close female friends to spend time with, but she still felt vaguely unsatisfied. More and more her body was missing the sexual connectedness she had experienced in her previous relationship. She lived alone now and was happy with that situation; she had no need of someone to cook and care for. Male company was limited to work colleagues and the men she met in competition squash. Meeting a man who was a good conversationalist, who would take her out to dinner or the theatre, who would spend the night in her bed but would go home the next morning, was what she told herself she was ready for.
Sue began to look more circumspectly at the profiles that were listed on the dating site. The more descriptions she read, the more they sounded the same, as if they were following a formula. All of the men had a good sense of humour, liked travel, were of average build, physically fit, and keen for a relationship, not just sex. She studied the smiling faces that the men had posted, and wondered how long ago their photos had been taken, as they certainly did look younger than the stated age on their information profile. Putting their best foot forward, she thought as she flicked through the assortment of profiles.
`I am a Sagittarius man: confident, positive, friendly, warm and romantic! I am well-travelled and know how to treat a lady. Looking for a lovely lady to spend some quality time with.'
`I'm funny, caring, passionate, affectionate, romantic, active, fun to be with and I love to laugh. I am told I am good company and look younger than my years. I like to travel overseas and to go bush walking. I want to meet someone who is romantic, tactile, passionate about life, successful, appreciates being treated well and shows affection.'
`I am a romantic, hopeless it appears, but I would love to give and receive love. I am self-sufficient, outgoing, intelligent, very reliable, articulate, clean and presentable. I can cook a great meal, do my own washing and ironing and keep a very tidy house so I do not need a cook, or a housekeeper. I seek a mate: a best mate, a lover, a confidante.'
Can you trust what they say? It all sounds too perfect. How would they have time for a new relationship? she asked herself. What would I have to offer? What could I write that would make me appear interesting and still be truthful.
Sue closed down the computer daunted by the task. Maybe Kate will have some advice for me. She's had plenty of experience with this type of dating.
Some days later, when Kate came down to visit from Sydney, they looked at the site again. Together they noticed some discrepancies.
"Look at this one, Mum. This guy describes himself as fit and athletic and having all his own hair. Now look at his photo," she said, enlarging the image so it filled the screen.
"Not a lot hair on his head, Kate! It must be growing in other places." They both agreed that a heavy thatch of it somewhere else would not be an attraction.
"There's not much written in the section `My Ideal Partner'," Kate commented. "Guys say they're discerning in taste but they haven't put much about the woman they hope to meet. Look at this one. There's nothing about what he prefers in regard to a female's interests, education, job role, or political persuasion. I get the impression that these guys would take on anyone who would have them."
"They've filled in the age category though. Not many men want to meet a woman over sixty years of age."
"You're right, Mum. See this one. He admits he's over seventy. Look, he's bald and overweight and he wants to meet up with a `beautiful lady' between the ages of twenty and sixty years."
"In your dreams," they said in unison, as they took note of the lower end of the range he had specified.
Sue began to ask herself about her own presuppositions. Although not explicitly stated, the Looking4Love.com users seemed to put appearance ahead of personality as an indicator of attractiveness.
"What attracts you when you look at all these photos, Kate? Do you go for the handsome ones or is it something else?"
"Yeah, well, I want to meet someone who looks good, Mum, and that means having a full head of hair and a fit, athletic body."
Sue's immediate reaction was that her daughter's focus was too narrow.
"What about common interests, Kate?"
"Well, if he likes to do the same sort of things that I do on the weekends, then I'd probably accept his contact, provided he looked okay."
Sue re-examined the photos on the screen more carefully and observed her own reactions, noticing that she was averse to beards and moustaches. If there was no photo, she was uninterested in looking at the rest of the profile. Her daughter was also repelled by the absence of a photo.
"You wonder if they're hiding something," Kate commented.
"Yes, it makes you think that they might be married," Sue said.
She looked at the screen again. Some photos attracted Sue's interest, some did not. She decided that physical appearance must be important to her but wondered how to evaluate its relative importance. Bad spelling and poor grammar were turn-offs. Profiles where the writing revealed something humorous captured her attention. Kate pointed to one man's interest in cycling `of a non-Lycra type' and that prompted a giggle.
"You make me laugh, Kate. I've really missed spending time with you since you've been in Sydney. I know how much you like living in Bondi but I wish you lived closer."
Kate had lived away from Melbourne for the last ten years. A promotion in her job role took her to Sydney, and now, although she had changed jobs more than once, she no longer wished to live in Melbourne again. She liked the faster pace and the party scene in Sydney. Bondi had a beach culture, a coffee shop or a bar on every corner, and residents who were mostly young and single. Although Sue and Kate did not see each other very often, they kept in touch by phone or email. Sue would never forget that when Allen died, Kate was also going through a break-up of a long-term relationship. The fact that they were both grieving and needing support had brought them closer together. Sue smiled to herself as she remembered her daughter coming to stay for a week and how they had decided to take turns to be supportive on alternate...
