CHAPTER 1

Early Lessons

The Fire

I learned at the age of seven what happens when you almost loseeverything.

It was January 6, 1959. My family lived in a small town in PictouCounty, Nova Scotia. We owned the general store that was, for themost part, the central meeting place for the town of Ardness. I hadseven brothers and sisters at the time; Mom ran the store, while myDad ran a lumber company. The store sold just about everythingfrom soup to nails. It was the heart and soul of the community.Everyone would stop to chew the fat, while sitting on benchesaround the counter. Mom would have a pot of tea on the stove andfresh biscuits to pass around.

Our house was just across the street. It was a fairly modern newhome with a big veranda and beautiful yard overlooking farm fieldsright through to the Northumberland Strait. Sitting on the verandain the summer you could almost see the lobster fishermen pullingtraps up into their boats.

But on that cold fateful day in January something happened thattaught us a lesson we will never forget. Around two in the afternoonan electrical fire broke out in the stairwell, and quickly spread tothe rest of the house. My teenage sister, Joan, happened to be homefrom school that day. She spotted the fire and went into action. Sheraced through the house and got everyone out, including my Momand two babies. Coming home from school, as I approached ourhome, I saw my sister with the babies and my Mom without anycoats on the coldest day of the year rushing towards the store whichwas just across the street from our family home. I could also seetwo men on the roof and thick black smoke streaming out of theupstairs windows.

First Important Lesson: You can always replace yourstuff, but you can never replace your family

Over the rest of the day, we watched the fire completely consumeour house and everything we owned, including family pictures,and most distressing to me at seven years old, all of my toys,especially my hydraulic truck. It is not possible for me to adequatelycommunicate how I felt at the time, but surprisingly, I found thewhole experience quite interesting. It was fascinating to watch allof our possessions go up in smoke, with kind of a dispassionatedetachment. Looking back I realize that I felt this way becausewe did not lose our most important possession, which was ourfamily. That's the lesson I learned, that you can lose every materialpossession you own, but if you have your family, it doesn't reallymatter. That's what my Dad said as he was doing a head count:"You can always replace your stuff, but you can never replace yourfamily."

In the months and years following the great fire, our familyweathered many other ups and downs. We actually ended up livingin the store, and never rebuilt the family house across the street.

In this way, our family and family business (which had been in myfather's family since the late 19th century) became virtually one andthe same. We were living right inside our business twenty-four/seven.

Second Lesson: Pre-mature death of the owner triggerstough decisions for the family and the business

In March 1970, my Dad had a heart attack and died right there inthe store while telling one of his famous stories to his friends. MyMom took over running the place and we helped her out. My Dad'slumber operations, including a saw mill and woodlands, which hadsupported the family for over half a century, were unfortunatelyliquidated at fire sale prices. Suddenly the store was responsiblefor generating all the money needed to support the family of ninekids, five of whom were still living at home. Just recently, as I writethis book, my Mom passed away peacefully at the age of 91. Sheleft behind nine grateful children and many fond memories for usto cherish. Sadly, though, the store, which had been in my father'sfamily since the 1890's, is no longer in operation. My Mom closed itin 1993.

The Importance of being in time and in tune

Fortunately, through all of this, my siblings and I have stucktogether. Although we all have different personalities and oftendisagree, there is a strong bond between us. We know that no matterwhat happens, on a basic level, we are all on the same page when itcomes to family values especially when it comes to discussing issuessuch as money and family business. I call this being in time and intune with each other.

I was able to experience the positive benefits of a FamilyAgreement when I acted as Executor of my Mom's estate whichwas distributed equally just a few years ago to nine siblings withoutany disagreement or conflict. The primary reason was that myMom realized that death could come at any moment just like whathappened to my Father and you must have your affairs in order andhave those intentions communicated as a regular course of businessat least once a year. This was a Family Agreement in action thatprovided certainty and guidance for many years to the family asto what will happen when the ultimate transfer of whatever wealthremains at death to all the beneficiaries.

These seminal experiences of my youth have an important impacton my work as a professional advisor to business owners andtheir families. I can relate to their struggles and aspirations fortheir companies and their families. I also know first-hand that theso-called dileneation between the business and the family is anartificial boundary. They are usually one and the same. That's whyplanning the future of a family business, including succession andestate issues, must address important relationship concerns andnot just focus solely on the financial and legal agreements. Withoutincorporating this human element into the discussion, seriousproblems can disrupt the harmony of the family, and ultimately thefate of the business.

I've also observed that many entrepreneurs do not adequatelyprepare their family...