From A Mother's Heart

By Antonia Cherry Harrison

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2012 Antonia Cherry Harrison
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4685-5177-8

Chapter One

One Thursday afternoon on my normal routine, working two jobs from 6pm until 2 pm then 4pm until 12 midnight, I left one job (6pm-2pm) stopped home to check on the children, to make sure they had food to eat, or leave them money to buy food. I got almost to the next job which was in Queens, New York. I received a phone call from my son, Kingston, telling me that my other son, Jamar, had been shot. I do a turn around driving at the speed of 80 miles an hour. I got back to Brooklyn, where we lived, saw the yellow tape—OMG. I jumped out of the car, the police explained to me that he had been taken to Kings County Hospital. I remember calling my Mom and my Pastor at that time on my way to the hospital. My son was okay. He was shot in the rear end. He said to me that he was trying to help his best friend at the time because some guys had robbed him of his bike. I just signed Jamar up for college two weeks prior to the shooting. He was so upset. Jamar said "Ma, I've got to get out of here before I get killed or I kill somebody". He was so discouraged, he stopped going to school and started looking for a job but could not find one. Kingston, my baby son, wanted to leave Brooklyn to start a new life. Brooklyn was beginning to get real rough.

By this time, my children wanted a better life. Kingston left and moved to Syracuse, New York, with his girlfriend and her mother. Syracuse had a program where you could get an apartment and they'd give you a check to pay for the light bill and not even have a job. Jamar said "Ma, I've gotta go too to make a better life. Kingston left in June; Jamar left in July. I promised them that I'd move there also. Being a single mother it was me and my children, always. My daughter said "Ma, I want to go also". We drove up to Syracuse and we got the keys to our apartment. Also, we moved there in September 2001, right after 9/11. We packed the U-Haul and left. My oldest son stayed in Brooklyn with his girlfriend. We all lived in the same complex. Once again we were together as usual. I transferred one of my jobs, therefore, I had employment right away. My children got jobs and everything seemed to be going well, it may have not been the job that they wanted but they did good on the job. Eight years later who would have thought or even had a dream that one of my children would get shot and die. My God whenever I would watch the news and saw the evidence and see all the killings that it would be one of mine. You feel so bad for that family on television praying that it would never happen to you. Around about April 28, 2009 I was blessed with the option of buying my first house, my very own. I chose this particular house on West Matson Avenue in Syracuse because there were lots of children on this block—seemed to be very quiet, children playing and laughing. It would have been a great place for my grandchildren to be. Almost everyone owned their houses on the block but one house which was renters.

On May 25, 2009 what started out to be a good day ended up in horror. 8am that morning I went food shopping to get the food for that day. It wasn't going to be a regular Memorial Day cookout. We were having a soul food cookout. I left the store then drove right over to Jamar's house in which he shared with his fiancé. Jamar was so proud to have had a son, Capri Jamar Ellis. He was two months old at the time. In fact Capri was born March 30, 2009 and Jamar's birthday is March 31, 1981. A day before his birthday. He always wanted his own children and finally God blessed him with one.

Jamar rode back to my house with me. He wanted to take my car to the studio to lay down some tracks. Jamar was an up-and-coming rapper. He'd just did a show in New York two weeks prior to his death. Jamar, Kingston and Nehmiah, their sister—my daughter was in it together. They laid several tracks together. I was cooking in the kitchen, cleaning collard greens. Jamar kissed me on the cheek and, as he normally would do, then said "Ma, I'm going to the studio then I'll pick up the kids and back within two hours". I said "OK son". Who would have known that that would be the last time that my son would kiss me on my cheek that it would be the last time I saw my son alive. I'd only been living on that block for twenty-eight days. I chose that block because it was so many children on the block. I loved the new house so much. I'm cooking, listening to the radio. Tommy his stepson came in with a funny look. I ran to the screen door. I see my daughter running down the street, people screaming and Jamar is about 15 feet in front of my house across the street. He was standing with his hands in his pockets. I called to him "Son, son" as I'm walking towards him. He's not saying anything. I get right up on him and said "Son" then the blood was gushing out like a water fountain from his head. I remember jumping up and down screaming, putting my left hand over the hole in his head then reaching in my bra getting the cell phone calling "911" while taking my son down to the ground. It was something out of a movie. I said "Son come on you've gotta fight. Please Son don't leave Mommy". I started quoting a Scripture from the Bible "You shall live and not die to declare the works of the Lord". Jamar understood this Scripture—three months prior to him getting killed he had given his life back to God and was going with me to church every Sunday and was very excited. He would call me everyday and ask me to explain certain Scriptures in the Bible. He even joined the church. Jamar grunted three times prior to this. He looked up at me with his big pretty eyes and long eyelashes, as if to say "Oh Mommy". Then he closed his eyes. I started screaming—yelling by this time. The ambulance came and made me move from him so that they could work on Jamar. They were cutting up his pants and shirt. Man oh man, I was saying "someone wake me up from this horrible nightmare, please".

I got in the ambulance. It seemed like the longest ride. As soon as we got to the hospital they took him into surgery. The people from Social Services pulled us into the office. I needed to sign some papers for them to do the surgery. A few hours later the doctor came out and said he'd been shot in the main artery, in the main vessel and it didn't look good. That I should think about taking him off the machine. I said "Oh no you do everything that you can to save my child". And I kept praying. The doctor said your son is 28. He would not want to live on a machine like this. I said "No, save my Son". They took Jamar upstairs at the Upstate Hospital on the 6th floor. He was in Room 6J. My God Jamar's head was so swollen. He was so swollen he had blisters on his eyelids. I laid my face on his face and said "Son please don't leave Mommy please". No mother should ever experience this horrible tragedy.

In my heart I knew he was gone. But my flesh could not let go. The doctor said they have to do three tests to see if he's brain dead or not. (They already knew.) They did the first one where the move this tube around that's in his mouth to see if he coughs and he did. They pinch him in his shoulder area to see if he moves and he did. That was hope to me. They said we'll come back tomorrow. The nurses were wonderful. They treated my son like he was alive and breathing. They'd say "Okay Jamar we're gonna stick this needle in your leg. Okay Jamar I'm gonna brush your teeth, etc." I loved the way they took care of Jamar. Even the Social Worker came to see Jamar on...