As Normal as Possible is the story of breast cancer from a caregiver's perspective. Ray Hall was the caregiver to his wife, Brenda, from her first diagnosis in 1996 to her passing in 2008. It tells of their journey through treatments, the effects of those treatments on their lives and the many medical evaluations she encountered through their ordeal with this dreaded disease. The story of the cancer and its issues is intertwined with the story of her life during their years together. Ray wanted to tell this story because it helped him with the devastation of her being gone and often when a celebrity is diagnosed with this disease it becomes a huge story and is splashed all over the headlines, which is as it should be. Brenda Hall was not a celebrity known by the public by any stretch of the imagination; as a matter of fact she avoided the spotlight at all costs. She was a celebrity to her family and friends, the people who were part of their everyday lives. But, she was one of the thousands of ordinary women living ordinary lives who are diagnosed with this disease. As Normal as Possible is Ray's loving tribute to his wife and their life together! A portion of the proceeds from all sales will go to fund breast cancer research.
As NORMAL as POSSIBLE
A Breast Cancer StoryBy R. Lee HalliUniverse, Inc.
Copyright © 2009 R. Lee Hall
All right reserved.ISBN: 978-1-4401-5082-1Chapter One
CANCER STORY
Every story has a beginning and an end, even when the road ends with tragic loss. Our story began in 1968 when I met the sixteen-year-old who became the love of my life. I have been told to never say never, but I do not believe there can or ever will be a second love of my life.
The young girl that stole my heart was vibrant, athletic, and tomboyish in a girlie kind of way. She was immediately accepted and loved by my family, all five brothers and two sisters. She grew up in a middle-class family where she was the only female in the immediate family circle. She only had one sibling, a brother nine years her senior, so when she was nine he had already left for the military. She kind of grew up with a male cousin a few years her junior; they would build tree forts and have adventures around the woods in the area, doing things a girl doesn't usually get into. I think her adventurous spirit began at this early age.
Our first meeting wasn't planned. I was attending a teenage dance with a couple of friends, and, as with most teen dances in the late sixties, it ended with a "spotlight dance." I rarely hung around for this spectacle as I wasn't a real good dancer and wanted to avoid the embarrassment of being shoved onto the floor. As I was readying myself to leave I found that my new suede coat, the envy of many of my friends, was not on the coat rack. I began to think the worst-someone had surely stolen this valuable piece of cloth!
As I surveyed the circle of people around the "spotlight couple" I spotted my coat on the shoulders of a pretty hazel-eyed girl. She was on the other side of the circle, and as I made my way around the circle she stepped back out of the crowd just in time for me to tap her on the shoulder and tell her she was wearing my coat. She refused to give it to me, stating that a mutual friend of ours had given it to her, and it was his coat. She insisted we find this friend and get the story straight. This was a trait she would have throughout her life, honest and true to a fault! Upon finding out the coat was mine she apologized and, though embarrassed, gave it to me. Much to my surprise I got what would be the best phone call ever later that week when she called to apologize more and ask if I would be at the next dance. These dances gave us the opportunity to get to know each other because we would often sit aside from the teenage commotion and talk and laugh; boy, looking back now, I don't think anyone will ever make me that comfortable again.
After a few years of teenage dating and graduation from high school, we had already begun to talk of marriage, but we were reluctant to follow through because we felt maybe we were too young. We did not want to rent a place to live, having already witnessed the difficulties other young couples were having when rent, families, and bills seemed to get in the way of home ownership. One big influence on our thoughts and plans was my older brother who married young and in 1970 became the father of twin boys. Living in a small apartment and working as a self-employed electrician, it took many years for he and his wife to establish themselves. But I knew Mick was the one I wanted to spend my life with, as I had written on the back of my high school graduation picture, which I gave to her in 1969:
"There are some people that have a certain way of showing thoughtfulness and concern for others that make them special friends and since I found that sort of friend when you and I first met, our days together will always be like you, too special to forget." She carried this picture with her always.
As fate would have it, even though I was only twenty, I was offered an opportunity to build what would be our first home. This happened shortly before Mick's nineteenth birthday. I was ready for the adventure, but I wasn't sure how receptive she would be. I got one of the first and biggest surprises of our lifetime together when I asked this nineteen-year-old beauty to help me build a house even though we were not married and had only begun to plan a life together. She never hesitated; she just asked, "Where?" I am still amazed that a nineteen-year-old girl would say yes to a crazy idea like that. But, to my surprise, after this first one, we built four more homes for ourselves and helped build and remodel many others for relatives and friends. We never lived in a home we did not build. Many people think when you say, "build you own house" you kind of did the smaller stuff, but no, when I say we built our own house, I mean we did all the tasks associated with the construction, everything our size-we're both under five foot five-and the building codes would allow us to.
On June 17, 1972, we were married; she not quite twenty and I not quite twenty-one. She had begun working in the banking industry before we were married, and this accounting experience would be what would define a career in the federal government. I had been employed in the electrical field, and this would be where I would remain throughout my career. In the early years of our marriage I worked long hours and was away each day for twelve to fourteen hours. Although this enabled us to live comfortably and travel later, had I known our "till death do you part" was coming at an unseemingly early age, I would have spent every free minute enjoying her company and spirit.
In 1973 to keep her and I company we added to our family by getting a dog. We fell in love with a little black toy poodle, which we named Ebony. Ebony kept us company and went with us everywhere possible, the most loyal of friends. When she passed away in 1986 we vowed never to have another dog because Ebony spent most of her life alone, because of our jobs and work. But, in 1998 while living in Virginia, our neighbors brought home a dog that would become as much a part of our lives as theirs. But there was one advantage-we could send him home when we were done with him! We appreciated our neighbors for allowing us to co-own their pet, Copper. Copper has spent many "vacations" at our home in Ocean City as his "parents" travel a lot in their work!
We were both athletic and enjoyed many sports: tennis, racquetball, softball, and we even tried skiing once. We always were kind of health conscious, but not health nuts. She was very competitive at all the sports we tried. She became an excellent softball player on several government office leagues, playing on all sorts of teams-women's leagues, co-ed, and, occasionally, when the men's team were short a player they would check to see if she was willing to suit up. In the late seventies during her midtwenties, she also became a dedicated runner. She started out not being able to run more than a quarter mile but gradually worked up to three to six miles a day. She would run at lunchtime or after work every day despite weather, rain, snow, ice, and even code red weather days. We spent lots of weekends at the beach, and she would run for what seemed like endless miles. Even today when I walk to the beach, there she is in my memory, running along the sand. The longest distance she ever ran was a half marathon. She would have loved to run a marathon, but after all the pounding, the knees would not stand up to 26.2 miles of more pounding.
One sport she decided to try did not last very long -rollerblading. She was very good on roller skates, but rollerblading is different in a lot of ways....
