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Inhaltsangabe: I own a jewelry store in Pompton Lakes, NJ. I send newsletters to my customers 3 times a year. The newsletters were an instant hit when I started them in 1997. The first edition was subtitled Have You Hugged Your Jeweler Today. Bijoux and Beyond adds 60 more pages from another 12 newsletters, plus some stuff I wrote just for the book. The Beyond part is because there isn?t enough just jewelry stuff to talk about so I branched out some more to consumer and middle class issues, money, economics, lighter side of life, and politics.
At 17.11 words per square inch (26.513 x10^9/km sq. for you scientific types), this 185 page book has over twice the literary nutrition of the average book, with no fat. A bargain! There are 166 photos and illustrations and at least 684 short articles (you can count them different ways). In other words, it's the perfect bathroom book. Wide-ranging, It's to jewelry like Car Talk is to cars. It's life on Main Street with attitude. And wit. There are hundreds of double entendres and and puns (but only one groaner). I even sprinkled in some Greek, Latin, and French, in a gratuitous display of superficial erudition, but the curse in Klingon is worth the price of admission. Here are a few articles, titles only.
Grown-ups Play Peek-A-Boo
The Sound Of One Hand Clapping
Close Encounters of the Canine Kind
Finger Lickin' Bad
A Human Is Forever
Bad Hair Day
Go Stand In The Corner Til' You're 21
Thinking Inside The Box
It's a Spinthariscope, Kemo Sabe
Heavenly Host And Tabby, Too
Welsh Outsmurf Irish 2 to 1
You'll get vicarious little-guy satisfaction in how I sock it to 'em in a section called David v. Goliath et al. I take on a bank, the post office, New Jersey, a famous cartoon character, Visa in particular and credit cards in general, including an elegant method of getting even with that rip-off credit card you hate.
Don't be so smug. I'm going to sock it to you, too (That s the collective you. It means other people.) Joseph's 3 Laws Of Retail Dynamics, Psychopathia Ornamentalis, We've Got Steam Heat, and A Diamond As Big As The Ritz, and other tales of the cockamamie consumer give the lie to that Customer-is-Always-Right propaganda.
But seriously folks, there are explanations of all sorts of little things that are mystifying to the ornamental civilian, like what the quartz in your watch and the 14 in your karat are. There are also detailed explanations of birthstones, and how-do-they-do-that articles on diamond cutting, jewelry repair, how to clean silver, and gem identification. There are longer articles about the Great Diamond Hoax of 1872, the Amber Room, the shameful behavior of DeBeers, the Hunt Brothers silver bubble and the exploits of a legendary gemologist during World War II.
The book includes the Fifties rock and roll themed newsletter. It had 30 references to fifties music with prizes for getting them all. You should have seen all the people coming in with underlined newsletters. I hope you re a movie buff. The movie newsletter, with 40 movie titles and 6 movie quotes for you to find is also included. And the answers to both are provided at no extra charge.
Since we're not in the store, I threw in some forbidden politics. The highlight is the Militant Moderate Manifesto. In It's the Economy, Stupid, economics is handily explained in one page, so you can throw out that dense econ 101 textbook you never understood. In The Great Recession, it's the stupid economy that's explained, with two Bulletins from the Departement of Good and Evil. In Passing has a lengthy article on hats and short articles on a variety of topics, such as artificial stupidity, the decline of the fudgesicle, and the self-help industry (no, you can't order your Acme Home Counterfeiting Kit from me).
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