Your Role as Parents of an Athlete

It has finally happened — your own youngster is a potentially fine athlete. You are glad your child is seriously interested in sport, but you also want your child to be happy. Although you hope the sport experience will lead your child to be happy, respected, confident and well-liked, you realize that even for young athletes sport can be highly competitive and at times frustrating and discouraging. In this chapter we discuss some typical challenges to parents and techniques and other actions that can make successful parenting in this situation more likely.

Unlike some parents, you are not overly ego-involved. You want to do what is best for your child, and you are well aware that sport has been a great experience for some children, but a problem for others. However, you would like your child to enjoy the benefits of sport, and you may even believe that a few disappointments would be good for your child's development. In the long run you know that your child will learn from these setbacks, and you would like him or her to enjoy meeting challenges and overcoming obstacles. Such an attitude will be helpful throughout life. That much you know for sure!

Interesting Your Child in Sport

For years, parents and scholars have debated whether athletes are "born" or "made." Today we know that successful athletes are both born and made! Many children inherit great natural ability and mature physically at an early age but never become successful. Other children inherit average physical talent but develop their mental and physical skills to excel in sport.

Parents undoubtedly play a crucial role in guiding their child's interest. Dan Marino, quarterback for the Miami Dolphins, said in an interview for Inside Sports (Whicker, 1982):

The biggest thing in my early development is that my dad had a job where he could be home in the afternoon, waiting for me to get out of school. Then we would throw to each other the rest of the day. My dad keeps me in perspective. Plus he's the best coach I ever had. (p. 56)

With the increased pressure and rewards available to athletes, parents must understand how they can contribute to raising a child who is not only successful but happy. As a parent, if you can accomplish this task you can consider yourself successful and will probably become happier and more satisfied yourself. In the following sections, suggestions are presented on how you can foster a love of sport in your child.

Positive Parenting

Parents seem to find themselves constantly open to criticism: "Those parents sure messed up that kid"; "They tried to live through their child"; "That child sure is spoiled. His parents loved him so much they were afraid to discipline him." We hear far less talk about successful parents. When was the last time you heard someone say, "They're great parents. They did a lot of things right for their child"? Or, "Gosh, those parents are so patient. Their child was failing at everything for years, and they were always so encouraging." Or, "Wow! I don't know how he does it. That father stands on his feet and works hard all day, yet he always has energy to play with his children after work." Or, "That mother is amazing. Her husband left her when their child was very young, and yet the daughter has become an excellent athlete. She helped a lot." Perhaps you haven't heard too much praise of this sort. But parents such as these have done admirable jobs of raising their children.

In this book we explore the behaviors and strategies of positive parenting. Raising a child who can participate happily and successfully in sport will indeed be a challenge. Attaining success in sport is difficult, and some failure is inevitable for every sport participant. Moments of great joy as well as moments of frustration and disappointment are certain. Combining success with happiness is twice as hard.

How well you guide your child through these experiences will be crucial. Success will require you to develop a close, trusting relationship with your child. This is the first step, one that all effective parents, coaches, and teachers must take. You must be able to build a caring and warm relationship with your child that is constant and consistent. From this base of trust, you and your child will be free to talk openly. In this way you will better understand your child and be able to provide the encouragement and support he or she needs.

Providing a Sport Role Model

Probably the most important thing that you can do to interest your child in sport is to participate actively in sports yourself. Children who see their parents engaging in sport use them as role models. This is especially true when parents emphasize the fun, enjoyment, and excitement of sport. Parents who participate in sport themselves will "pull their child along" by setting good examples rather than "pushing" by force or coercion.

Enjoying sport is much more important to children than their parents' level of skill or ability to perform. Children under 6 or 7 years old will realize your skill level, or lack of it, only if you feel self-conscious and continually comment on how uncoordinated you are. Just play and have fun. Show your children that you accept yourself as you are and that you will accept them no matter what level of skill they achieve.

The importance of participation and adult involvement cannot be overemphasized. For young children, you can serve as an example of someone who enjoys participating and testing skill through competition and also as a role model for skills. As your child matures and becomes more skilled, your ability to perform will be known — your enjoyment is the important aspect. Do not try to overstate your skill, but be sure to discuss and display how much you believe in the value of competition and participation.

Children will be attracted to activities that appear to capture the interest and enthusiasm of their parents. Often they will imitate their parents, and they may soon show an interest in playing their parents' game. You should enthusiastically encourage children to play when you see that they want to participate. At this point, you can encourage motivation by placing your child's interest and enjoyment ahead of your own. Be sure that your child's early...