PARENTAL PRIORITIES

Some years ago a teacher at our local high school approached me following the end-of-the-year awards assembly. Three of our children had received recognition (19 times!) for academic, musical, and athletic excellence. The teacher commented that he had noticed that certain surnames had a way of being repeated on these occasions, and that it would be a good idea for the parents bearing those names to pool their wisdom, and stage some sort of parenting clinic. I mentioned this exchange to John Cortell, a man whose children had also established impressive performance records athletically, academically, and socially. His response was, "Be honest with them, and no baby sitters," accompanied by a motion of his hand, shoulder high and parallel to the ground indicating, "End of comment."

I said, "Isn't that a little simplistic?"

He replied, "Not really. Make out your list of Do's and Don't's and run it across mine, and you'll probably find that every one of yours will be covered by one or both of mine." If he was mistaken, it was not by very much. He did elaborate a little. "I'm not saying a man should never take his wife out to dinner 'sans kiddies,' or to a movie once in awhile. But we didn't take any week-long excursions--or even any week-enders away while the kids were growing up. If we couldn't take them, we didn't go."

His concluding comment is worthy not only of repeating, but committing to memory. "If your child ever gets the idea into his head that there is something more important to you than he is, then you have no right to be surprised when something becomes more important to the child than doing what pleases you."

The performance of our children has been pleasing us for many years, and the recognition they have received for their efforts has been gratifying. And while we've never believed that our children were inherently any brighter than their classmates, it became abundantly obvious that something was different. Could it be that John Cortell's principle was being manifested here without our having articulated it?

We all have priorities in our lives, and one of the wonderful results of this is the incredible diversity of occupations, hobbies, and life styles of our citizens. What a boring world this would be if everyone chose to be farmers, or only wanted to steelhead fish in their spare time, or all wanted to drive 4-wheel drive pick-ups! Variety is not only the spice of life; it is a necessity if we don't want to die of boredom.

Still, there are concepts, principles, and priorities, universal acceptance and practice of which would make all of our lives more satisfying. Can anyone doubt that this world would be a better place if all of us obeyed the speed limits, or refrained from holding up gas station attendants and convenience store clerks?

Or if all of our children felt loved and appreciated?

FACTORS IN SUCCESSFUL VOYAGES

A study of nautical history will show that hazards of early sea travel were many and mighty. So many factors determined the success or failure of each voyage! The sea-worthiness of the craft--is the hull sound? Has anyone checked the weather report? Are the sails and rigging ship-shape? How about the instruments, charts, and maps? And crew skills--does anyone in the crew know how to tack against the wind?

Besides purely mechanical factors, where are we headed? Why? What is the cargo? Many an early trading ship made its intended landfall to find no market for its goods, or to find hostile natives, or pirates in ambush.

A thought-provoking verse relating to sea travel comes to mind:

Mistakes have value, we have found
Tho' true, some more than others.
Not every sailor India bound
America discovers.

Would that all errors committed on the voyage of Parenthood proved as fortunate as that of Columbus. Columbus died still believing he had found India. They benefited who recognized the magnitude of his error, and then exploited it. The error of assuming he was half-way around the world from where he actually was, was not repeated.

You who would sail the waters of Parenthood--inspect your vessels. Learn seamanship. Stay alert at the helm. Check your bearings often. Choose your mate wisely. Choose your mate wisely. CHOOSE YOUR MATE WISELY! CHOOSE YOUR MATE WISELY! And never, never bet your skills, and the hull of your craft against known reefs. They are all well marked--by marker buoys, by lighthouses, and by the wrecked and broken hulls of those who ignored or challenged them.

IMAGES OF LOVE

Countless volumes of poetry have been written in scores of languages. Of all topics, love is one of the most popular--probably because the concept of love represents a universal experience to mankind. Every person who has reached maturity--or even adolescence--has sought it, craved it, experienced it, anguished over the lack or loss of it, rejoiced at its reciprocation, and marveled at how it affects one's moods and perceptions.

When one is in love, and finds that love returned in kind, it seems that any crisis can be dealt with, and any pleasant experience is doubly appreciated. When a romance ends, whatever fruit one happens to be enjoying turns sour; the music one hears becomes noise and discord; the rose-colored glasses through which he views the world become cloudy, bespecked, and out of focus.

With poets and song writers spending so much creative energy generating metaphors to which the consuming public can relate, it makes sense to look at the imaging process, and evaluate how well (or how poorly) some poetical and lyrical efforts capture the essence of love.

When elephant jokes were in vogue some years ago, one often heard was, "How do you sculpt an elephant?" The answer was, "Get a marble slab and a chisel, and chip away everything that doesn't look like elephant." For this method to work, obviously the sculptor needs (besides some sculpting skill) some idea of what an elephant looks like.

The mountain of material on the subject of love gives us a sizable block to start with, and much to chip away that doesn't look like Love. Forming a representative image of love requires defining some terms, looking at some concepts and perceptions, and putting them into perspective.

Describing love presents the same sort of problem shared by the blind men in John Godfrey Saxe's poem,

"The Blind Men and the Elephant:"

It was six men of Indostan To learning much inclined, Who went to see the elephant Though all of them were blind, That each by observation Might satisfy his mind.

The First approached the Elephant And, happening to fall Against his broad and sturdy side, At once began to bawl: "God bless me, but the elephant Is very like a wall!"

The Second, feeling the tusk, Cried, "Ho! What have we here So very round and smooth and sharp? To me 'tis very clear This wonder of an elephant Is very like a spear!"

The Third approached the animal And, happening to take The squirming trunk within his hands, Thus boldly up he spake: "I see," quoth he, "the elephant Is very like a snake!"

The Fourth reached out an eager hand, And felt about the knee: "What most the wondrous beast is like Is very plain," quoth he; "'Tis clear enough the elephant Is very like a tree!"

The Fifth, who chanced to touch the ear, Said, "E'en the blindest man Can tell what this resembles most; Deny the fact who can: This marvel...