What Am I Here to Do?

I have always asked myself "where did I come from, where am I to go, what am I to do?" This is common to most people. I am a born intuitive. I often feel things before they happen. I have been able to see and feel auras around people and read them.

I never quite fit into my age group at school either. I started school a year early but it seemed to further tell me that I have always been in a different time zone of life. I even wondered if I came from a different planet like Superman! These feelings are common in teenagers but I felt like this when I was still very small, two to three years old. My maternal Grandmother knew it too. This story will explain where these feelings came from and where they have led me in my life.

Do some of us come with more knowledge on board in our psyche than others? How do the various connections with others change us and who we are? Why do some of us feel like we just don't belong anywhere or to anybody from childhood on through adulthood? How does an adopted child "feel" there is something else and someone else they belong to without anyone telling them they were adopted? What lessons are for others to teach us and what lessons are for us to find on our own? We are really the same but with different lessons to learn and missions to fulfill. Some are said to be "old souls" having been through various life's lessons at different times.

I can see where the lessons I have learned had to come to me the way they did and through the people they came from as well. My spirit and spirituality needed the things that I experienced even though some were very painful. I wanted and needed to learn forgiveness. I needed to know what a blessing forgiveness of others would bring to me. I needed to know love and how to love. I knew very early on that I was a teacher.

My whole life experience has prepared me for the adopted and foster children I was to have in the future. My presence in their lives has changed their lives and has added another dimension to my own life in the process. I needed to go through a variety of experiences early in my life to intuitively understand the needs of these children. I needed to see how the choices of others would shape the lives of young children for a lifetime.

I am a psychologist and a minister. I have my own experiences which I will share in this book. This and all other conclusions are left to the reader. I am an expert on my own experiences and life. I have had many teachers. My first teachers were what I used to think of as negative for the most part. I will share my own insight into what I learned from these experiences in the end.

I have learned much in writing this book. I can see where pebbles and ripples in my life have taught me the lessons I need to learn. I needed to look at the ripples from others and of my own creation, and see my spirit rather than the shell of the physical body I have been living in. These lessons will add up and make sense to everyone in their own time and own life. Ideally these lessons will tell us what our passion or mission is in life and how to fulfill it.

I personally believe we all know what our passion or mission is when we see it and feel it. I believe we know in our heart and soul when we have learned our lessons and are ready to move on in our eternal journey. I have always been drawn to very wise older people who have related this message to me in many kind gentle and loving ways. This lesson has indeed been a blessing to me. They leave this life peacefully and easily with their life and lessons completed. Others leave with heavy hearts and unspoken regrets. Their passing seems lonely. This too is a lesson for those of us who are not in this transition period yet.

It is with great pleasure and some tears too, I share my life in these pages for those who are asking themselves what their life means to them and others. I send my blessings to all who read these pages.

Dad never tired of telling me that it was 70 degrees the day before I was born. My feet were "clubbed" at birth which means they were turned inward. They were taped in the upright position at birth. I was put in light casts at my first doctor's visit. My condition is inherited, as I would find out and put together later in my life.

In many cases, clubbed feet is the first sign of a form of Muscular Dystrophy called CMT, so named for the three doctors who isolated the mutated gene that caused it and the inheritance factor found through the study of families who have passed it down. The doctor's surnames were Charcot, Marie, and Tooth. I was later to be diagnosed with the Muscular Dystrophy (CMT) at 39 years old after my 8th broken ankle and 35-40 sprained ankles over the course of my life. In some cases clubbed feet are from other issues while in the uterus. Crowding of the fetus is one. The Muscular Dystrophy diagnoses can be made by research into the family medical history and medical tests. CMT is inherited, while crowding in the uterus is not. In my case, the foot condition is present in my maternal line therefore her father's line. It went undiagnosed as Muscular Dystrophy. It has Up until this diagnoses, my injuries were blamed on my obese condition. A family history was never even considered. Other family members on her side of the family also had many sprained and broken ankles. I was not obese until I was three to four years old yet I was born with the clubbed feet. Others weren't obese in those days but some turned and sprained their ankles and later broke them too due to this inherited gene mutation.

I also had two major surgeries to correct "trick" knees in my lifetime that would dislocate with a great deal of pain. This started happening in the fourth grade. My right leg was angled out to the right by 10% from the knee down which caused further misalignment in my walking gait. These conditions are also inherited. Since these mutations are recessive genes, each pregnancy has a 50/50 chance of displaying the genes and carrying them to the next generation. My own diagnosis has been hard for others to cope with because it is inherited, work with or rise above.

My parents were young and inexperienced in much of life. It didn't occur to them that this condition could have been inherited.

I always favored my aunt in looks and personality. She was always looking for spirituality anywhere she could find it. She asked all kinds of questions, went to church looking for the answers. She and my grandmother loved gospel music and the messages that were in the Daily Word...