Opening Statements

The curtain opens on a typical county courtroom. Or so it seems.

Enter Justice wearing a bright blue robe and diadem rimmed with enlightening rays, carrying an old-fashioned scale and impressive sword. She is tall, neither fat nor thin, neither light nor dark, neither homely nor a beauty. Her dark hair is beginning to grey, and she is definitely a presence.

Justice: Welcome to Purgatory. I'm Justice, and I run things here. Along with my able team, of course. Of whom more later.

So where's my blindfold? That's a myth. And a very silly one. If anyone has to have her eyes wide open, it's Justice.

And that's why we're here. To find justice for some very powerful people. And – indirectly – for those over whom they had power.

She places her scale on the end of the Judge's Bench.

All of the men on trial today were successful politicians. Which means they sometimes had to compromise their principles to get things done. And because they had so much power, they were also vulnerable to hubris. What we are here to determine is where they stand on the scales of justice. Was the greater good served by what they did? Did it outweigh their less-than-honorable compromises? Or did their power corrupt them beyond redemption?

She rests the large, heavy sword rather casually on her shoulder.

For some in their line of work, it's easy to decide. For example, there's a special room in Hell, way down on the lowest rung, for Adolf Hitler. Stalin and Mao are a few circles above – but doomed to be roommates for all eternity. The Devil has a good sense of humour, as well as his own brand of justice.

Gandhi, of course, is in Heaven. But he's rooming with Ignatius Loyola, who still has a bit of penance to do. Gandhi is hoping he can hold his own in their perpetual argument long enough to achieve Nirvana.

Most politicans, however, are not so easy to judge. That's why they're here in Purgatory. Our job is to decide whether they go up or down.

With a powerful swing, she plants the sword in the floor in front of the Bench.

There's a lot of misunderstanding about how we do things here in Purgatory. We don't punish or torture anybody. We just put people on trial and let them torture themselves. Because one of the rules here is that absolute truth prevails. No one is able to lie. Untruth is simply impossible. So they must not only speak the truth as they know it, but see the truth of their life as it really was. For most politicians, that's more punishment than anyone – even the Devil – could possibly devise.

But before I call them to the witness stand (looks offstage to waiting defendants), let me introduce my very able staff.

First, straight from the First Circle of Hell, please welcome the Devil's Advocate!

(Applause.)

Enter Devil's Advocate wearing a long flowing red gown with matching cape, and a large red hat featuring two abstract horns. She carries a black pitchfork with diamond-studded tines. On the upper edge of middle age, she is still rather glamorous.

Devil's Advocate: Greetings from Hell! The Devil sends regards, but is busy making sure that evil people get what they deserve. My job today is to confront the politicians on trial with their worst sins. Most of them are in denial about their mistakes, so it's harder to do than you might think. And it's important to get all this on the record so that – if it comes to that – the Devil can make their punishment suit their crimes. S/He's very dedicated to his/her Vocation, you know. And quite creative. You should see what s/he did to –

Justice: (interrupting with a collegial grin) Thank you, Madame D.A., but let's not give away too many of your boss' professional secrets.

Devil's Advocate returns the smile and, swirling her cape with panache, sits regally in the chair to the left of Justice.

Justice: And now, just landed from the correctional facility on Cloud #1, please give a round of applause for the Guardian Angel. (Applause)

Enter Guardian Angel, wearing a long flowing white gown covered with multi-colored stars, with wings to match. Her halo is huge, tilted stylishly to one side, and she is carrying a small harp. Her hair is white, and she looks like everyone's ideal grandmother.

Guardian Angel: Greetings from Heaven! God sends regards but is busy helping good people achieve their potential. My job here is to elicit extenuating circumstances surrounding the sins of the politicians on trial. These must be weighed on the scales of Justice, both to determine their fate, and to urge posterity to stop expecting perfection from its leaders. It's important to get all this on the record so that God may send new arrivals to the appropriate rehab center. Contrary to popular belief, people in Heaven don't just sit around doing nothing. Everyone works at becoming who they were meant to be and doing what they should have done.

Justice: Even you?

Guardian Angel: (sheepishly) Before I went to Heaven, I was a lawyer.

Devil's Advocate: (smirking) We have lots of lawyers in Hell. More, I dare say, than up there.

Guardian Angel: Yes, I'm definitely in the minority. Flapping her wings a few times, she floats to the chair on the right of Justice and lands gracefully.

Justice: And finally, from the stacks of the Celestial Library, put your hands together for Clio, the muse of History, who serves as our Recording Angel. (Applause)

Enter Clio wearing full Ph.D. academic garb, complete with mortarboard and honorary hood. She carries a huge book containing a complete record of the entire careers of ALL the politicians on trial. She is ageless and exudes the aroma of an old-fashioned library full of old books.

Recording Angel Clio: Greetings from the Celestial Archives! All of my disciples send regards, but are busy gathering historical truth. As Recording Angel, my job here is to compare the testimony of the defendants with what really happened. This book contains the truth – the whole truth, and nothing but the truth – of their careers. Most of them will be disturbed by what they'll see. It's History as it should be, but never is, on Earth.

With a sigh, she puts the Book on a large desk in front of the Tribunal, and sits down beside it.

Justice sits down and bangs her gavel.

The Court is now in session! We now call the following Politicians to answer for what they have done - and left undone. Bangs her gavel again.

The Court calls Sir Winston Churchill, Prime Minister of England and Advocate of the British Empire.

Enter Churchill wearing a naval uniform and a huge Admiral's hat. He walks arrogantly to the witness stand, grumbling...