CHAPTER 1
What Is Trauma?
Trauma is a violation of the heart and conscience; it breaks the heart and shatters our shield of humanity. Trauma is always about violence. Regardless of the source—natural or personal—trauma is violent. While some traumatizing events are not necessarily physically painful, they are still violent; they are a violation of one's humanity. Trauma is the violent loss of one's sense of reality or one's sense of safety. The source of trauma can be natural—an earthquake, fire, flood, hurricane, tornado, or tsunami—or the source can be person-to-person—abuse, a car crash, killing, rape, robbery, or war. Whatever the source, it is the catastrophic loss of innocence that leaves one feeling traumatized. It is the betrayal of a sacred trust or sense of safety.
The word trauma comes from the Greek word meaning "serious wound needing a physician's attention." In the past twenty or so years, it has come to mean mental and emotional wounds. Following a catastrophic event that has been interpreted by the brain and body as traumatizing, there is a breaking of trust—a violation of the relationship among the survivor, the offender, and the entire world—to include the survivor himself. At the core of every trauma there is a broken relationship, and like a broken bone, it should be repaired as soon as possible.
The state of being traumatized happens the second the feelings of terror, horror, helpless, and hopeless (THHH) collide, leaving you—however briefly—frozen in time. Trauma happens in the part of us where there are no words, the most primitive instinctual part of our physical being. Trauma is an event or series of events that leaves us speechless and in shock. I'll say more about this later; for now, know that THHH equals trauma.
Terror—intense fear; overwhelming fear on a cellular level; entire body is reprogrammed
Horror—shock; disgust; speechless; this can't be happening
Helplessness—frozen; unable to prevent this occurrence; unable to control or protect self or anyone else.
Hopelessness—unavoidable; no way out; loss of faith in self and the world (sometimes God)
If one of these is missing, good news: you're not traumatized—just freaking out.
THHH is my explanation for the "freeze" of the fight, flight, or freeze response that happens naturally whenever the body feels seriously threatened. The freeze time varies depending on the traumatizing event's effects on the body. THHH is my explanation for the space and time where trauma occurs—the emptiness left behind following the event. At some point (maybe seconds, hours, or days) after a traumatic event, you start to `thaw out or "come to;" there's a frantic surveying of your mind, body, and environment. And the endless flood of questions starts.
-What just happened?
-Where am I?
-Was that real?
-Did anyone else see that?
-Can I move?
-Am I physically okay?
-Am I mentally okay?
-Can anyone see me?
-Can anyone hear me?
-Can anyone help me?
These questions are being asked seemingly all at once. You are trying to make sense of what happened or is happening—trying to connect and reconnect to yourself or anyone else that might be able to help you make sense of what's going on. Left unanswered, these questions can become the breeding ground for an endless list of emotional and behavioral problems and diagnoses. After a traumatic event, everything you do is about trying to answer these questions and regain the control that was lost or taken from you during the event. Your mind and body have been physiologically rewired to make sure that thing never happens again.
Trauma is about a complete loss of control over your mind, body, and environment. In that moment of Terror, Horror, Hopelessness, and Helplessness, it feels like the entire world has betrayed you. This feeling of betrayal includes the traumatized person; helpless and hopeless means there was no way to stop the terrible, horrible event from happening. If you could see a way to stop it, you wouldn't feel traumatized, and so you feel like your own body let you down and betrayed you. I say feel because that is the perception of the traumatized person or people. The most important thing to know about trauma is that it is subjective, subjective, subjective. Everyone experiences a catastrophic event differently, and it is as dangerous, scary, and traumatic as you believe it is. What is traumatizing to one person can be funny or unremarkable to another person. Popping a balloon, for example, is terrifying to a baby or a war veteran, and funny to the clueless prankster who popped it. Fires in northwestern Colorado Springs are horrifying to local residences and possibly uneventful to people in Greenland. Hear this well: trauma is subjective, subjective, subjective. It truly depends on the individuals' experiences. Judging and minimizing only serves to delay the healing process for the mentally and emotionally wounded. A group of people can experience the same exact event at the same exact time, and not everyone will be traumatized by it. Anyone can be traumatized, but not everyone will be traumatized.
The event itself isn't necessarily traumatizing. Floods, volcanoes, forest fires, or earthquakes are not traumatizing until there's a relationship with the event. Rapes, car crashes, robberies, beatings, or killings, while disturbing, are not necessarily traumatizing until you can relate. Who you are and where you are in relation to the traumatic event can determine whether or not you are traumatized—relation being the key factor. How, or if, you relate to the event or people affected by the event, has a direct effect on your response to it. Have you experienced or witnessed this event before or do you know someone who has? What you know and who you know makes a difference. Where you are in relation to the traumatic event makes a difference. For example, where were you on September 11, 2001: in the towers, in New Jersey, in California, in South America, in Europe? And who did you know: a parent, a cousin, a neighbor, a friend of a friend, a fellow American? If your house is burned down, it makes a difference how it happened. Was it a natural occurrence, lightning, forest fire, or was it a human, neighbor, friend, or relative? The answers to these questions will dictate the depth of your perceived violation. If it was natural, the violation is quite different than if you find out someone you know and cared for did this out of some sense of anger or...
