CHAPTER 1

Idea #1

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Be Comfortable in Your Own Skin—Breakingthe Cycle of Discomfort

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The only limit to our realization of tomorrowwill be our doubts of today.

—Franklin Delano RooseveltThirty-Second President of the United States (1933–45)

It's very difficult to do your best work if you are not comfortable in yourown skin. You have to be aware of the internal voice that is constantlysending you messages about how to act, what to say, and what youbelieve others are thinking and saying about you, your work, "peoplelike you."

So what messages are you giving to yourself? Are you telling yourselfthat your opinion does not have merit in a discussion? Are you tellingyourself that no one would understand where you are coming from? Thatyour perspective would be meaningless, even though you think that theproposed approach will be offensive to people from your background?

Are you telling yourself that perhaps you are overreacting and wouldbe considered narrow-minded or an out-of-touch naysayer—that peoplewould think you are not culturally savvy enough to understand thebigger picture?

Do you think that your coworkers harbor ill feelings about yournationality or race, and that they believe you don't deserve the job youhave?

The negative messages go on and on. You want to delete the tapes,but it seems that they are burned into your mind.

So you convince yourself that being quiet and letting the plan moveforward without your input is the safest bet.

Then, the plan is implemented and is not effective, especially in theminority markets. The company loses market share and revenue. Whatdo you tell yourself? That it would have happened anyway?

This type of scenario plays out every day in corporate America asthose of us in the minority wrestle with our inner conflict: Should wespeak out when the voice in our head tells us not to?

In some cases, the voice in your head can become a chip on yourshoulder. You start believing these negative thoughts to be truths, andthey color how you view others. You become hypersensitive and quickto take offense. You strike back at what you perceive to be put-downs,and as a result you alienate a colleague who meant no offense.

Or you may find yourself becoming withdrawn, which causes peopleto see you as standoffish, so they avoid communicating and spendingtime with you. This of course feeds your belief that neither you nor youropinion matter to them, and it becomes a downward spiral.

Perhaps you believe that the kudos always go to the white guy. Youdon't see a black person getting the credit. Or, you don't see a Hispanicor an Asian person for that matter. So you start thinking that the whitemale has it all: he gets all the credit for having the great ideas. I mean,after all, you had a better idea. But you just knew if you voiced it, youwould be shot down.

Perhaps you say to yourself, "No one wants to hear an idea from awoman. It's a man's world."

Perhaps you are an introvert and you say to yourself, "I get sonervous when I speak out. I feel like the group is full of aggressivepeople all vying for attention. No one will hear my opinion." So youremain silent, and people assume you have nothing of worth to offer.The cycle continues.

Does any of this sound like you? It's not until you reach inside toexplore the tapes in your head, the thoughts that hold you back frombringing your whole self to the workplace, that your company can havethe opportunity to fully benefit from the insights and life experiencesyour difference provides. And you can achieve the appreciation andadvancement that your difference can mean for your company's bottomline and success.

If you don't find your comfort zone, there is a strong likelihoodyou will not speak up in the group. No one will hear your opinion.The bottom line is that you will not have the opportunity to make animpact.

The Situation

Now let's look at a situation.

Joe has been with the Bonzo Company for twenty-five-plus years.During that time, he has been instrumental in bringing new conceptsfrom the drawing table to the market. Over the past four years, Joe'swork group has dramatically changed. With the influx of new talent,the average age in his work group has dropped by almost fifteen years.

Fitting in had never previously been an issue for Joe. He never reallythought about his age at work, as most of the members of his teamwere about his age, some a little older. But now he is finding it harderto relate to his coworkers, some of whom are young enough to be hisson or daughter. This is beginning to negatively affect Joe's approachto his work.

Recently, in a very important project design review, Joe remainedsilent as the team of younger engineers discussed an approach to ahighly technical issue. As Joe listened, he heard them talk about thesame approach that he remembered not working in a similar situationsome years before.

He wanted to speak up many times during the meeting, yet heremained silent. He thought to himself, "If I say anything, I'll soundlike I'm discounting their ideas. I'll come across as a naysayer, a negativeold-timer who is not open to new ideas." This fear stopped Joe fromoffering some potentially important information that the team couldhave learned from.

The Challenge

The overall challenge is how to integrate multigenerational workersinto a cohesive team. The challenge for Joe is to grow more comfortablebeing the oldest member of the team. He needs to grow secure inthe realization that the difference in his age is a positive, providingadditional experiences that his younger team members need. Thechallenge for management is to be aware of the situation and help Joeface his situation...