How to Prove Anything : 30 absurd research papers no one else was brave enough to publish

No degree, no problem! Diverse authors present their ideas to the world outside of a Substack account with 1-23 followers and a TikTok video.

Key Features

• Discover new applications for familiar methods in everything from computer science to urban planning to psychology
• Learn to communicate your needs clearly, whether you’re a cat seeking food or a newly-single man trying to avoid a crucial misunderstanding on a dating app
• Manage your relationship with expert-tested techniques from a variety of disciplines

Book Description

This book collects popular essays from the renowned Cranberry-Lemon University Press’s most illustrious scholars. Despite their questionable research methods, bizarre obsessions, personal vendettas, and often stunning lack of impartiality, the authors have irrefutably broken new ground academically. How to Prove Anything sheds new light on a wide range of topics.

Famed academics Dr. Tiffany Love and Dr. Chad Broman present a glimpse into their shared life via a series of papers that unravel the mysteries of modern romance. From time series analysis of mood swings to Pavlovian behavioral modification to sub-Nyquist sampling for balancing relationship attention with videogame performance, Chad and Tiffany find new and often startling uses for tried-and-true algorithms, gaining insights from which we can all benefit.

Can I avoid arguments by predicting moods with time series analysis? Can linear programming help us determine who should do the dishes? And, most pressingly of all… Can I fix him?

Academic writing has brought new knowledge into the world for hundreds of years. This book may be the most vital contribution of all. While some of the applications in this book may be niche even obscure reading will provide intellectual stimulation, spiritual enlightenment or, at the very least, some entertainment.

What you will learn

• How a reinforcement learning algorithm can help you prioritize diners to maximize tips
• Apply Markov Chain-Monte Carlo methods to determine a foster dog's true name
• Locate the coldest part of a room on a very hot day
• Dispute insurance company verdicts with computational fluid dynamics analysis

Who this book is for

This book is for anyone who needs to know how a Markov Process proves that it’s not worth investigating the Fermi Paradox because there probably aren’t any aliens and anyway even if there were they wouldn’t lie to you about this. Cats will learn vital new ways to get their humans to provide wet food.

Anyone with any experience of academic writing will find something to learn from, or maybe just laugh at, in this collection.

Table of Contents

1. Dust, Heat, and Cumin: Low-Budget, Synthetic, Authentic, Mexican Atmosphere Sepia Filter for Modern Cinema
2. Novel Gravity- and Velocity-Based Time Dilation Methodology for Real-Time Bitcoin Payment Processing
3. Me and My Friend Found Where the Coolest Part in My Room Is Using the Heat Equation Because It Is REALLY, REALLY HOT OUTSIDE!
4. Me and My Friend Show That My Dad's Airstream Trailer Goes Faster with Dints and That We Shouldn't Be Grounded for Hitting It with a Baseball Last Saturday
5. A Novel Method for the Safe and Effective Recycling of PFAS Plastics: A Black Hole Hawking Radiation Approach
6. Pink and Fire: Computational Fluid Dynamics Simulation Analysis of My Recent Gender Reveal Party Disaster
7. Congenital and Parent-of-Origin Prediction Factors and Risks of Baby Jazziness in Americana Live Births
8. Testicular Cancer Truck Nut Self-Examination for North American Pick-Ups: A Cost-Benefit Analysis

(N.B. Please use the Read Sample option to see further chapters)

B McGraw studied ECE at the USAFA after googling average incomes by degrees and finding out how much college costs. After studying signals processing at AFIT for an MS, he worked as a test engineer at Edwards AFB with an emphasis on cowboy coding and statistical methods you hope no one asks about. After leaving the Air Force as a captain, B McGraw moved to Atlanta to develop sensor fusion and analysis algorithms at GTRI. As a side hobby, he writes novels and satirical science articles, clickbait, and news for his fake journal jabde completely for free until he sold out by writing this book. He can no longer complain about paywalls.