Do you find yourself doing things you swore you would never do as a parent? Welcome to my world. As parents it is our responsibility to make sure we provide safety, love, structure and learning to our children's lives. There is no silver bullet on how you do it. Sometimes when it comes to parenting, you don't do it by the book, you JUST DO IT! I am sure every parent has questioned themself on how they disciplined their child, how they answer the million dollar question, "Where do babies come from" and how to just get into a routine that will make your life and your child's life easier. This book will share all of my experiences, ethical and non-ethical and allow you to decide for yourself the best way to address, your relationship with your child. This book although written from my experience as a single parent, can assist anyone who faces the toughest but most rewarding job as a parent. This book will make you laugh and learn.

REALITY CHECK

An Unconventional Guide about Conventional ParentingBy Kristen Benson

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2012 Dr. Kristen Benson
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4772-8117-8

Contents

Chapter 1: Reality Check..................................................1Chapter Two: Who is the Boss and Who is in Control?.......................9Chapter 3: Responsibility—Theirs and Ours...........................23Chapter 4: Well Rounded...................................................45Chapter 5: The Sick Child.................................................55Chapter 6: When Things Go Wrong ... Because They Will.....................59Chapter 7: The Moment You Wait For........................................69Chapter 8: Final Chapter—That is all she wrote......................73References................................................................75

Chapter One

Reality Check

It doesn't matter how you became a parent or what type of parent you are. Whether you are single, married, or divorced, the end result is the same. You are the life line to at least another human being, your child. When my former husband and I separated, my daughter was one and a half years old. She had many needs, and I was the one there to fulfill them. My life completely centered on making sure she was safe, fed, clothed, and loved. What would have been easy for me was to stay angry at the world for my getting into this situation. But that would have brought nothing into our lives, except a few more wrinkles from the ongoing stress or cause me to eat an entire box of Ho-Ho's—and all that would have done was added more cellulite to areas of my body that does not need it. Let's face it: when you're not happy, no one is happy. What helped me the most was getting into a daily routine. My full time job required leaving the house at 6:30AM to take my daughter to day care by 6:50AM. I was on the job by 7:20AM, and there was no room for deviation to this routine. After all, the school bell rang at 7:45AM, and I had to be there with my game face on. REALITY CHECK: Time management was critical.

You will hear a great deal about the term: "attention span." When we talk about attention span or the lack of attention span our children exhibit, we need to clarify the term. "Attention span" is the degree to which a child demonstrates sustained focus on designated tasks and activities, especially in school" (Guevremont, 1992). Experts say that attention spans vary in age, gender and type of activity. Older children tend to have longer attention spans, and girls have longer attention spans than boys. One researcher says that the attention span is equal to the age of the child. If your child is four, his attention span is four minutes (Hunt, 1985). Now that explains everything doesn't it? Keep that in mind as you read through the book.

The Daycare Drop Off

Especially in our society, it is inevitable that the day will come when you must go back to work. Perhaps during your maternity leave, your child has had the luxury of having you at their side unconditionally for months now. Maybe your leave time is up, or like me, you need to get back to work to save your sanity. Staying at home was driving me crazy. What can I say? I'm a working girl. Statistics reveal that 48% of mother's stay at home with their children under the age of two, and only 25% of mothers stay home when their children are between the ages of 3 and 6. http://postpartum-health.suite101.com/article.cfm/ choosing_to_stay_at_home

I guess I am just not one in those statistics.

You will face the moment of sending your child to some form of day/childcare. I am going to offer a little daycare prep. Let us just talk about leaving your little rug rat, princess, or whatever nickname you may have for your child, at daycare for the first time and then having to rush off to work. Now when dropping your child off, know without question that your child will cry intensely, begging you not to leave her. His facial expression may go from pitiful to raging in a matter of seconds. If someone else saw your child's face, they may think that your child was having sadistic rituals performed on her throughout the day while you are at work. In actuality, the second you pry yourself from your child and disappear, sometimes secretively, from the daycare, your child will be engaged in a bug climbing along the window sill of the classroom. Thoughts of you do not occupy her every minute. In fact, you disappear from their mind until 5:00PM when you unexpectedly arrive to pick her up to go home. REALITY CHECK: Your child does not sit by the door, crying for you. Her day is full of fun and new friends and new toys and learning. Although you may worry that you have ruined her life, the reality is that she is having fun and learning to be around other children.

The best advice is when your little one is clinging to your thigh, screaming bloody-murder, snot running from his nose, just squat down and hold him. Look him dead in the eye and tell him that you love him. Even if you think he is not listening, or better yet, he cannot hear you above his blood-curdling screams, tell him you love him over and over. Tell him you will be back to pick him after work and then walk away—tug that leg free from the grip of his little hands and walk away slowly not looking back—no eye contact. Feel free once you get into your car to break down and cry. REALITY CHECK: You will cry. While you are crying and thinking you are the worst parent in the world, just know that by the time you use your second Kleenex, your child has become interested in the little girl across the table, who brought in two toy horses, and she is now nursing the one with a missing leg.

Now, you might be a different story. While your two year old was busy with coloring, goldfish snacks and juice, storybook time, block-building, recess, lunch and naptime, you undoubtedly were at work, calling the daycare. Was she in hysterics still? When it comes to toddlers, anxiety withdrawal dissipates with a poof! "Out of sight, out of mind." Remember the term "attention span?" Their short attention span, under-developed brain, and over-developed imagination may affect their memory as you walk out of the door.

Now while you feel obligated to call three times throughout the day, know that half of you is wishing for the person on the phone to tell you that your child is doing great and was engaged five minutes after you left in a puzzle or with blocks. As parents we want to know that our child is happy and well-adjusted. REALITY CHECK: Do not be surprised if a part of you deep down wishes that the person on the other end of the phone tells you that your child has been miserable and cannot seem to function without you. If you think about it, everyone's alter ego wants to feel that her own life could have a life-altering effect on another. When you make that second or third call to the day care, the person on the other end will probably say, "Hold on. Let me check." You are thinking that Miss Lucy is running down the hall to poke her head into the room and see what your child is doing. REALITY CHECK: What she is really doing is putting her hand over the phone and counting to twenty before responding to you: "Mrs. Brown, everything is going well. Your Sarah is playing and enjoying herself." While that may sound underhanded, the good thing is that your child is probably really having a great day, even if Miss Lucy didn't check on her the three times you called. Believe me you would have heard shrieking over the phone otherwise!

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