“Raising a Father is a celebration. This affectionate and appealing story gives smiles, tears and renewed faith in the human spirit.”
—
Brent Green, Author,
Marketing to Leading-edge Baby Boomers: Perceptions, Principles, Practices, Prediction “... should be required reading for the planet. Uplifting, instructive, and describes so much of what fathers should aspire to in their relationship with their children.”
—Herb Rubenstein, Sustainable Business Group
“Raising a Father provides a very candid and honest assessment of the everyday obstacles we all face in trying to attain the proper work-life balance.”
— Peter J. Pittman, President, Denver West Rotary Club
During Arjun Sen’s tenure in the corporate world, a wise, corporate stair-climbing friend told him, “Arjun, in order to achieve bigger glories, one must make smaller sacrifices in life.” It was clear he referred to spending less time with family, not being there for children’s special moments, and similar “small” sacrifices in personal life. Sen learns the hard way that these sacrifices come with large costs, and in Raising a Father he recounts his journey to this realization.
Foreseeing his father-daughter future reduced to obligatory phone calls on birthdays and Father’s Day, Sen leaves corporate America. He founds a home-based marketing consulting company in Denver, his ten-year-old daughter’s favorite city; names his daughter as manager; and begins the real journey of becoming a true father.
In this memoir, Sen discusses how he now measures success differently. Raising a Father tells the story of how a young girl uses her charm, her love, and her caring nature to train her dad to become a better father and a better person.
Raising a Father
By Arjun SeniUniverse, Inc.
Copyright © 2009 Arjun Sen
All right reserved.ISBN: 978-1-4401-5803-2 Chapter One
GROWING UP IN INDIA
THE LEGEND OF MAIJI KOLKATA, INDIA, 1950S
Maiji, Bina Sen, was my paternal grandmother. After a brilliant academic life, Maiji settled down and married my grandfather. Soon they had four children, my father being the second of the four. Maiji was an accomplished singer and sang next to India's poet laureate, Rabindranath Tagore.
Everything was going perfectly in Maiji's dream life till she turned forty and my grandfather passed away. The next year, Maiji lost her youngest child, my dad's youngest sister.
Maiji was living in India in the 1950s. It was a tough time for a single woman with three kids to enter the workforce, but she never looked back. Soon she was working for an insurance company, and after long days of hard work she came home to tend to her three children.
Maiji's accomplishments can be summarized by the fact that she put her three kids through college: my aunt through medical school and my father and uncle through engineering school. On top of this, Maiji built her dream home in Kolkata, India. In those days there were no consumer loans, so everything Maiji built was paid for as she moved forward, adding room by room. The house is a tribute to Maiji's dream. It is an engineering marvel because she built it one room at a time, a very unique concept. When I think about Maiji's accomplishment, the only thing I can compare it to is the effort of an ant. An ant is known for being able to carry nearly ten times its weight. But Maiji far surpassed that with her monumental efforts.
When I was young, Maiji had already retired. When I think about my early days, most of my memories are connected with my Maiji. During those days, she was the one person who stood at the helm of my life to guide it in the right direction. As I started writing this book, I realized that Maiji was the Yoda in my life. She laid the groundwork for my future. It is true that Raka will unlock many of my capabilities in the future, but I feel the future would not have happened without Maiji's groundwork.
~ Some actions go beyond days and months to affect others. Maiji's actions did just that. ~
WAKE UP! WAKE UP! KOLKATA, INDIA, 1972
This is the story of a series of daily wake-up calls from Maiji that continued every day, without fail, for twelve years.
Maiji's commitment to my education was unparalleled. She must have figured out early on that I was not the smartest of all kids, and hence working hard was the only way I would be able to accomplish something in life. She would remind me over and over that in life, success comes from "99 percent perspiration and 1 percent inspiration." I heard that many times.
Maiji's bedroom was next to the room in which my brother, Oni, and I used to sleep. At four o'clock every morning, Maiji would scream my name from her bed. I had five minutes to wake up, and if I did not wake up on my own, Maiji would come in and shake me up. I always preferred to wake up before she came in.
It was not over after I woke up. I would go to the bathroom to brush my teeth and freshen up, and Maiji would keep track of time. If I was in the bathroom for more than five minutes, I would get my second call. I was conditioned to run out of the bathroom when the call came in.
So now I was awake, I was up, and I was all freshened up. I would sit at my desk to study. At 4:30 AM, Maiji would get up and make hot cocoa for me, which she served me at my desk. There were times I dozed off at my desk-and that was the worst thing I could do. If Maiji caught me dozing, she would grab me by the back of my head and shove my face against the table. My chin banging on the table was a rude wake-up call, as intense as it gets.
Now when I think back, some of Maiji's tactics are bound to raise eyebrows. I am amazed, though, when I think back on her wake-up calls, at how consistent they were, every morning, every day, for twelve years. Yes, there were times Maiji would assume a scary, noncharacteristic, somewhat cruel role, but today I look above all that. I see a visionary who was building a habit in me; she was investing in my future. I recognize Maiji's commitment and dedication as one of the key drivers of my academic and professional success in later life.
~ The pain of today is the investment of tomorrow. There are no shortcuts to success. ~
A RELIGIOUS DISCOVERY KOLKATA, INDIA, 1973
I was born a Hindu. We had a small worship room in the house. I did not practice organized religion, in the sense that there was no routine for me to regularly go to the temple, but my parents and Maiji both taught me to remember God every chance I could. Maiji would meditate in the morning and in the evening. My dad would start every day with a quick prayer. My brother and I were encouraged to say a quick prayer before we went to bed and before meals. On special occasions we would all go to the temple, and during the big Hindu festivals we would go wearing new clothes.
As I grew up, I realized that some of my friends were Muslims, some were Christians, and some were Buddhists. India celebrates every religion, and school was off for all religious holidays. We had days off for Hindu puja (religious) celebrations and for Christian and Islam religious festivities. Over time each religion's claim to be the "only path" confused me. I would go to the home of an Islamic friend and read signs on the walls that read, "Islam is the only way." I attended a Jesuit school, where I recited the prayer, "Our father, who art in heaven." Some of my Christian friends talked about church and prayers. My Buddhist friend was a vegetarian, as that lifestyle was directed by his religion. On top of everything else I was taking a class called Moral Science, and I was not doing too well in that class.
One evening I shared my confusion and predicament with Maiji. Maiji responded by asking me what my religion was. I was not prepared for her trick question. I thought my religion was Hinduism, but Maiji said, "Hinduism is not a religion but a way of life." She even went on to explain, "Because Hinduism is not a religion, one cannot be converted into it. Instead, one can only adopt the Hindu way of life."
I was surprised. Maiji looked ready for a bigger discussion, but she stopped. She put her glasses on and looked through her book collection. Soon she came back with a set of books she wanted me to read. She had a translation of the Holy Koran, the New Testament, Life and Teachings of Buddha, and the Bhagavad Gita. She gave me a few weeks to read them.
Every day she followed up with me to make sure I was reading the books. In a month I was done, and we sat on the verandah and Maiji explained to me the concept of religions. I sat at Maiji's feet and listened in amazement. She explained that none of the religions were wrong and that every path made sense. Then she elaborated on the subject with the famous lines from Swami Vivekananda: "Jotto moth toto poth," which translates to, "As many faiths, that many paths." Maiji told me that there were numerous paths in life that lead to the same lake. Depending on who and where you were, you chose a path in life called your religion. Yes, your path, if lived properly, would lead you to the...
