To drive a car or buy a gun requires a license and some instruction. To parent requires only having a child. Yet the job of parenting is the most important job anyone will ever do, because parenting plays a huge part in building the future of the world. Many parenting books offer suggestions about controlling our children, directing them, shaping them as we need them to be. In Raising the Future, author R. Felice Gedeon-Gaude encourages parents to see the uniqueness of each child, asking them to explore how to foster that uniqueness while facilitating the safe, healthy, and appropriate growth of the children in their care. This guide offers methods for parents to explore their own memories of being parented, in order to recognize the sources of their responses to their children's behavior. Raising the Future also directs parents to listen carefully to their children, because it is through those exchanges that parents will better understand how to help them to grow into well-adjusted children and, eventually, happy, productive adults.
Raising the Future
Practical Parenting for Practicing ParentsBy R. Felice Gedeon-GaudeiUniverse, Inc.
Copyright © 2011 R. Felice Gedeon-Gaude
All right reserved.ISBN: 978-1-4502-4586-9Contents
INTRODUCTION - A NOTE TO PARENTS...................................viiCHAPTER 1 WHO IS YOUR CHILD?......................................1CHAPTER 2 EXPECTATIONS AND REALITY................................5CHAPTER 3 DISCIPLINE..............................................10CHAPTER 3, PART 2 DISCIPLINE AS TEACHING..........................15CHAPTER 4 RESPECT.................................................24CHAPTER 5 AFFIRMATION.............................................29CHAPTER 6 AFFECTION...............................................34CHAPTER 7 COMMUNICATION...........................................38CHAPTER 8 TRUST...................................................43CHAPTER 9 MANAGING EMOTIONS - THEIRS AND OURS.....................47Chapter 10 PARENT AS DETECTIVE....................................54CHAPTER 11 A CHILD-CENTERED ENVIRONMENT...........................59Chapter 12 REVIEW and SUMMARY.....................................63CLOSING............................................................67JOURNAL SECTION....................................................69WEB SITE BIBLIOGRAPHY..............................................71CHILD DEVELOPMENT GUIDE............................................73A USUAL SORT OF MOUSE..............................................91ABOUT THE AUTHOR...................................................95
Chapter One
WHO IS YOUR CHILD?
Well, that question looks easy, doesn't it? Your child is (name your child!).
Yes, but who IS your child?
How is he/she in the world?
What are his favorite places, his favorite things to do, favorite color, or fantasy, or best attribute?
What are his strengths and weaknesses? Don't forget those weaknesses.
What is his birth order, and how does that affect his behavior?
Are your personalities a good fit?
So, who is your child?
Now that you have a clearer idea of what I mean by the question, lets work at answering it.
SEEING YOUR CHILD
My child is_____________ years old. Ok, that's a start. Is your child a young or an old _______? See, always another question. I want you to look at him developmentally, that is from the perspective of what children are normally doing at this age. Check the appendix which gives some of the 'expected behaviors of each age/stage of development through age seven. How does your child fit here? Remember - normal is a broad continuum, while average is right in the middle. By this I mean that normal skills and behaviors for an age group or developmental stage cover a broad range, while the average behavior is a specific that falls in the middle of that age bracket. For example, the average age that toddlers learn to walk is 12 months. But it is normal for babies to walk anywhere from 9 months to 15 or 16 or 17 months. That is the continuum.
Now, think back to earlier times as you watched your child develop. What is his style of interaction with the world? Does your child rush headlong into the next part of the journey? Or, does he hold on with both hands until he absolutely must let go, then bounce to the next stage? As you observe him and see how he moves toward the new experiences of life you will begin to see ways to prepare and support him as he transitions.
As you look at the developmental style see if you can name some of his strengths, such as adaptability, ease of language acquisition, motor development, adjustment to new situations. Children whose temperament causes them to be less adaptable are no less intelligent, but they are often more sensitive to stimuli such as noise, smells, and light. This causes them to move into new situations with increased caution. Watch how your child accomplishes these transitions.
Here is a thought question - jot an answer for yourself. How does your child react to new people? To new foods? To new situations? The way a child reacts to new experiences says much about his personality, and gives us guidelines by which to help him to be comfortable in his world. If new experiences are difficult for him it is your job as parent to make the transitions as easy as possible. You can do this by creating as much consistency as possible within each new circumstance. If you are introducing new foods, also have already accepted foods to offer. If a new person is coming into his life, be sure you are there so he feels comfortable meeting this new person. Consistency is the key to comfort for our little ones.
BIRTH ORDER
Birth order does affect how our children adapt. Look at his birth order and his personality. Look at his birth order and his sense of humor! This information will help you to help him to be more comfortably himself. You may want to check into The Birth Order Book by Kevin Leman for some insights regarding his place in the family.
Review all of what you have observed about your child, and decide if you and he are a good fit. Scary? Absolutely, because what if you aren't? Cant give him back! But if you find that your personality and temperament and your child's personality and temperament aren't a good fit, you have some decisions and choices to make about how you can learn to support him. It is not the child's job to adapt to us when we aren't a good fit. It is our job to learn the child, to learn how we can support his process, to listen to what he needs from us in order to be emotionally healthy. Well talk more deeply about this as we learn more.
Summary of Chapter 1.
You have begun to look at your child as the unique individual he or she is. Take a moment here to write what you have learned. There is a journaling section at the back of the book for you to do this. If you have more than one child that you are working to know use the journaling pages to document that information, too. For example,
Childs name_______________, age__________, Developmental process__________ (Is he early, middle, or taking his time developmentally?)
Is he or she a young or old (age)_________________(An example, if your child is 2 years, does he speak in full sentences, making him appear older, or is he just beginning to put two words together?)
Strengths, such as adaptability, ease with strangers? _________________________
Temperament ____________________________ (easy going, intense, quiet, noisy, watchful)
Birth order_________
Personality style (outgoing, shy, intense, relaxed, energetic, slow moving, combinations of the above________________ ___________
Now, who is your child? Tell what you have learned about this child so far.
And so it begins.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Our children ask: Am I good enough the way I am? Can you love me just as I am?
Our children tell us: We dont need things, we need you. We need your time, your attention, your love.
DESCRIBING MY CHILD: Describe for yourself the child you see before you.
Chapter Two
EXPECTATIONS AND REALITY
Some friends of mine had just had their fourth child, their 4th daughter. The dad had been sure this was going to be his son, and had been looking forward to bonding with this little bundle of boy. And then he was presented with another little girl—beautiful and...
