America's children are joining-and quitting-youth sports in record numbers. If kids can't find the fun in an activity, they may try to find the way out. If an adult can't find the right tools, they may not know the right words to say or the right actions to take. In Raising Your Game, authors Ethan J. Skolnick and Dr. Andrea Corn present a guide adults can use to ensure the most enjoyable and enriching youth sports experience for a child. Through a combination of advice from more than 100 elite athletes and time-tested sports psychology concepts, Raising Your Game prompts parents to consider what really matters when it comes to their kids and sports. From LeBron James to Shannon Miller, Brandi Chastain to Jason Taylor, John Smoltz to Mary Joe Fernandez, Sanya Richards-Ross to Torii Hunter, athletes from across the sports spectrum discuss their setbacks and successes-what worked for them and what didn't. Raising Your Game discusses the types of guidance that can ignite inspiration and foster participation, practice, and progress, and which methods can create frustration and dejection. It shows the difference a supportive parent can make by showing up, showing interest and, at times, showing restraint"

Raising Your Game

Over 100 accomplished athletes help you guide your girls and boys through sportsBy Ethan J. Skolnick Andrea Corn

iUniverse, Inc.

Copyright © 2012 Winning Ties LLC
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4759-6087-7

Contents

Preface...............................................1Acknowledgments.......................................5Introduction: "It Was So Fun!"........................7Section 1: Why Sports Matter..........................13"The Work of Children"................................13"Outside Was the Thing"...............................17"A Much Greater Purpose"..............................22"About Being Fair"....................................30"Being Committed".....................................34"A Bonding Force".....................................38"Learn to Be Coachable"...............................42"It's about the Inconvenience"........................47Section 2: Why You Matter.............................57"My Biggest Inspiration"..............................57"Someone Was Behind Me"...............................68"Listen"..............................................79"Teach a Kid to Believe"..............................91"You Have to Have Failure"............................98Section 3: Why Limits Matter..........................113"A Delicate Balance"..................................113"Left up to Me".......................................120"Shut Up and Clap"....................................126"Winning Isn't Everything"............................135"The Best Possible Position"..........................143"So Specialized"......................................152"A Totally Different Perspective".....................166Index.................................................177

Chapter One

SECTION 1: Why Sports Matter

"The Work of Children"

Karrie Webb was like a lot of four-year-olds, with the most innocent of ambitions: spend time with Grandma and Grandpa.

Her grandparents spent many Sundays on the course, playing nine holes. So, with her plastic club and plastic ball, she would tag along, getting in plenty of whacks and whiffs at the little white ball, unless she got exhausted.

"My grandfather would put me on his back or on the trolley and pull me around the rest of the way," Webb said.

It was never hard to drag her back out there, even though the game was slow, her improvement even slower.

"I enjoyed it," she said.

That's all that really mattered to her at the time.

That's all that would matter to any child of that age.

It wasn't necessary, or even possible, for Karrie to comprehend how much those experiences would matter to her future. They would have mattered even if her future did not include a prosperous and decorated career in the sport, culminating with a spot in the World Golf Hall of Fame. They would have mattered in the way that play of all kinds can matter for every child—as a vehicle for physical, mental, and emotional growth, the kind of vehicle that you should endorse for a child even if you don't have a strong passion for sports.

"Golf has shaped who I am as a person," Webb said.

That is a role that all sorts of play can often, well, play. The relationship is bidirectional: Children can shape play according to their age and stage of development, as well as their interests and talents. In turn, play can shape children in more ways than anyone can imagine.

Golf offered Karrie an outlet for physical engagement, staying in shape, releasing energy, and developing her fine (small muscle) and gross (large muscle) motor skills.

It offered her a platform to problem-solve and experiment, to learn about herself as she was learning about this vast new environment. She was learning about colors as she searched for the right tee from which to start. She was learning math through counting strokes and gauging distances. She was learning about distinctions and differences, and that, in this unique environment, smaller numbers were better than bigger numbers, shorter grass was preferable to taller grass, and sand was something to be avoided, not explored with a shovel. She was learning to remember and apply what others showed her, from grip to stance to swing.

Further, golf offered Karrie an arena for emotional evolution. That component of play is more complicated and can take more time to reveal itself, but it is no less critical. Play presents numerous opportunities for a child to discover how to communicate and, in a best-case scenario and with the guidance of a caring other, adequately manage feelings. Karrie was learning how to move on to the next shot without letting the last bad one linger. She was learning etiquette: how to wait her turn, respect others, and follow rules. She was learning to find her own fun.

She was being a kid, come what may—and plenty of good came from it.

Play, after all, comes naturally to children. They are hardwired to do it. As Donald Winnicott, the noted British psychoanalyst during the middle of the twentieth century, wrote: "Play is literally the work of children." Every child tells his or her own story through it in its most innocent form and stage. Play is not really about victory. It is about discovery.

An infant's play begins passively through unspoken and spoken interactions with a caregiver, such as joyful gestures, exaggerated facial expressions, and soothing voice tones that engage the senses through imitation and repetition. The activity becomes more physically complex as a toddler enters early childhood, gaining greater awareness of bodily separateness, walking and then running on his or her own. It also becomes more mentally intricate, with the progression from peek-a-boo to hide-and-seek to Simon Says, requiring ever more advanced skills of thinking, memory, movement, language, and coordination. And it can become more emotionally intense, since it is human nature to get excited when things go your way and frustrated when they do not. Children can display these emotions through everything from shrieks to tears, from high-fives to clenched fists. Play not only forces children to learn how to acknowledge and deal with their feelings, but also gives adults an opportunity to assist them when they can do neither.

As these progressions occur, it is natural for a child to develop curiosity and then seek to expand his or her play space; it is also healthy so long as the child is under the protective umbrella of a watchful adult. On a playground or a backyard, on a grass field or a jungle gym, a child can find a sense of freedom and start to find him or herself through solitary, interactive, and even imaginary forms of unstructured play.

Simply, when play comes without value judgments and expectations, as it should for the young children participating in it, those children tend to find it enjoyable and rewarding, as Karrie did. And when something is enjoyable and rewarding, and especially if it is accompanied by adult reassurance, a child is more likely to continue and repeat the activity, as Karrie did. With repetition and practice, not only might improvement result, but the child will also feel a greater connection with his or her bodily movement and capability, as Karrie did.

So, yes, it's good to get your kids to play.

As much as possible.

"Even if you can't afford anything, just take him to the park," former NFL Pro Bowl cornerback Patrick Surtain said. "Let him experience little league sports in general, because all of us played it."

This sounds simple enough.

Yet there's no question there is a macro "play" problem...