CHAPTER 1
Types of Relationships
relationship: a connection, association, or involvement; a connection between persons by blood or marriage; an emotional or other connection between people 1, Random House Webster's unabridged dictionary
Let's identify types of relationships. There's love, lust, and just plain having fun. The beauty of a relationship is that it may start out one way and end up another. Lust or just plain having fun may develop into true love or end up as it began; both lust and just plain having fun are double-edged swords.
There are other kinds of relationships, such as with colleagues, associates, and friends. These can end as love, lust, or just plain having fun. We'll talk a little about those also, but first we must understand that the point of all relationships is companionship. What you get out of a relationship depends on the type of relationship you're cultivating. Just remember: no matter what type of relationship you're developing, if you plant a good seed, you will harvest a good crop. Also remember that, like crops, some relationships are harder to cultivate than others.
Now let's talk about some different kinds of relationships: business relationships, social relationships, family relationships, platonic relationships, lustful relationships, loving relationships, just plain having fun, and the big kahuna, marriage. All relationships should come with a written plan. You should use the Bible as a guide to let you know when you're off track and what you should do to get back on track.
Business Relationships
These relationships can be simply business, or they can develop into social or personal relationships, which include love, lust, and/or sex. One reason business relationships can easily involve lust, sex, or love is that the people you meet on the job are those you spend the most time with. That proximity and time spent together brings you closer to those people in your feelings, often changing your heart. You may find out that you like someone more than you originally thought, and a different type of relationship begins.
Social Relationships
The one type of relationship that we all need most to get along in the world is social relationships — that is, relationships pertaining to the life, welfare, and relations of human beings in a community. Some people are naturally more social than others, Being in a social relationship means communicating openly. Having a social relationship means you have a common thread, something you share that brings you together, such as a certain event or place. Perhaps you're in the same business, neighborhood, school, family, or organization, or you may be in a yearly, monthly, or weekly gathering that allows people to congregate and communicate.
Family Relationships
The one relationship we all have in common is family. I've often heard people say, "I have no family." This is false; we all came from somewhere! Parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, nieces and nephews, and cousins (first through fourth) are family. All descendants of a common progenitor are considered family. In my most humble opinion, being family means being related through blood or marriage or being bonded through a sorority or fraternity. Although sorority sisters and fraternity brothers aren't blood relatives, once you've crossed the burning sand together, you're born as sisters or brothers for life.
Platonic Relationships
For most of us, the relationships that bond us within the same sex are platonic. I say "most of us" because some people form romantic or sexual relationships with others of the same gender. Platonic relationships are also possible between sexes, but these relationships often turn into lust, sex and sometimes love. Believe it or not, this has a lot to do with proximity. (I will talk more about the role of proximity later in this chapter.)
Lustful Relationships
Lust, by definition, is an intense sexual desire or appetite.
The most common relationship between a man and a woman is lust. Yes, I did say the most common. Lust is what gets our attention at the beginning of a relationship. It is also responsible for ruining more relationships than I care to mention. That's not to say that lust is necessarily a bad thing or that every relationship is lustful or sexual; some are strictly platonic. However, what may appear to be a platonic relationship could have a bit of lustfulness involved, even if neither party is aware of it.
You see, lust is an urge that's often uncontrollable. Because of this, lust can become a double-edged sword; your lustful ways may draw you to your mate, but they may also draw you away from your mate to someone else. Uncontrolled lust will draw you from one person to another in a vicious cycle. This cycle may cause you to have a difficult time establishing a long-lasting and successful relationship. You may be successful in having many mates but unsuccessful in developing true love, which is what we all subconsciously desire. That brings me to my next point.
Love Relationships
Love is a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
I define love here because some of us have never taken the time to look up the meaning of the word in a dictionary or the Bible. Therefore, they've never read what it means to love or be loved. Could this be why so many of us don't understand what it means to love or accept love from someone?
True love is the foundation of life. Try this on for size: God created us — and the world — out of love. True love enriches our lives and manifests itself in our hearts, minds, and finances beyond our ability to exhaust it. So with true love comes a richness of life, even a financial richness of life, beyond our wildest dreams.
Unfortunately, the opposite is true for those who never open their hearts and accept true love. Although life is the basis of love, it may seem to be out of our reach. But because we were all created from love, love is within all of us. Love is the most misunderstood, abused, and misused aspect of humanity that each of us has to deal with. Although we are created from love, we must still learn how to love and be in love. You can't learn how to be in love by reading a book, nor can you learn it through study; you can learn it only by experiencing it.
The beauty is that love is not something that can be faked or staged; you can't be tricked into thinking that you're in love, at least not for a prolonged period. If you think you might be in love, you're not, because love is something that you will know unmistakably. You may not comprehend or believe this, and you may want to argue the point. I can't explain this to you. All I can say is that you will know love when you find it or when it finds you...
