We all have these. Sometimes, they can be the most wonderful treasure this world has to offer. At other times, they can break your heart. I'm talking about relationships. Everybody has a myriad of different relationships in this adventure called life. Each relationship has its own dynamics, its own foibles, and its own language. We interact with parents, children, siblings, co-workers, spouses, authority, and, for some, even God. The greatest resource of joy, progress, hope, and prosperity is in connections with each other. But the problem is that the way we develop, sustain, and communicate in relationships is unhealthy. The reason they are unhealthy is because we as individuals bring error into them from the past and from harmful views of ourselves. If you can't think healthy about yourself, how can you interrelate with others in beneficial relationships? How can you have a strong family and an intimate love life if you don't know how to communicate or meet each other's needs? What would be the purpose of building friendships if you don't know how to nurture and sustain them? This book is designed to answer all those questions and more. Each chapter builds on how to improve yourself, your self-image, and the relationships around you. You will discover from documented research how your brain works in diverse situations, the different ways you handle conflict, how to communicate effectively with others, and how to build the theme of "Us-ness" in life's important relationships and much more.

Relationships for LIFE

How to Improve Yourself and the Relationships around YouBy Richard Marks Johnny Earl Jones

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2011 Dr. Richard Marks With Johnny Earl Jones
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4520-8206-6

Contents

CHAPTER 1: The Anatomy Of A Relationship.........................................................1CHAPTER 2: Image Is Everything...................................................................7CHAPTER 3: How To Make Life And Relationships Work: The Bible And Your Brain.....................15CHAPTER 4: The Art Of Interacting................................................................27CHAPTER 5: Building Relationship Bridges.........................................................35CHAPTER 6: Acceptance And Security...............................................................47CHAPTER 7: Connectedness Needs...................................................................59CHAPTER 8: Forgiveness Is Crucial................................................................69CHAPTER 9: Understanding Their Language..........................................................85CHAPTER 10: Guard Your Heart.....................................................................93CHAPTER 11: Speak Well And Listen Well...........................................................107CHAPTER 12: Respect And Communication............................................................113CHAPTER 13: Who's Most Important?................................................................131CHAPTER 14: Ingredients For Intimacy.............................................................141CHAPTER 15: Caress Your Relationship.............................................................153CHAPTER 16: Naked And Not Ashamed—Sex And Marriage.........................................163CHAPTER 17: What He Wants. What She Wants........................................................177CHAPTER 18: The Role Of A Husband................................................................189CHAPTER 19: The Role Of A Wife...................................................................205CHAPTER 20: Life Priorities......................................................................215

Chapter One

THE ANATOMY OF A RELATIONSHIP

We all have them. We can't live without them. Because of them, life can be difficult and even painful. Without them existence would be dull. I'm talking about relationships, and individuals have myriads of them to wade through. Our lives span a wide spectrum of relationships: parents, children, spouses, friends, co-workers, bosses, employees, church-folk, acquaintances, strangers, mentors, protégés, teachers, students, God, and other interests.

Obviously, each relationship is unique and has different dynamics. You wouldn't communicate the same way to your spouse as you would to fellow co-workers. And your affinity with God should be distinctive compared to your conversation with a stranger. Because we travel through such a wide range of relationships, we have to learn the different dialects of each one to enjoy them fully. This book provides the useful tools needed to enhance yourself and your daily relationships to be healthy, vibrant, and connected.

We interact with a variety people who play different roles in our lives, but here's the problem: many of our relationships are unhealthy. We don't often practice the deftness necessary in building strong, lasting, loyal, and trusting interaction. The main reason we don't develop our relationships to their optimum is because we don't know how and because we already have ingrained in us examples set by our parents, friends, or some authority figure. We don't have to continue destructive or damaging habits though. When we educate ourselves on how to gain, protect, and enhance our relationships, frustration dwindles while understanding and compassion begin to bloom.

Each relationship role has exclusive rules to be adhered. But to succeed in those there are basic tenets that can be followed and practiced.

Who wants a lifetime of shallow, meaningless relationships?

Who wants to be so consumed with success and wealth that you neglect all who are dearest to you? When a person is terribly ill or despondent, they never ask for the company of their sports car or a pile of their cash piled around the table lamp. In times of need, you would like to know there are people by your side who care about you and love you. No material good can comfort you; therefore, none should supersede your daily closeness with people.

That is the issue: closeness. We deal with people everyday. We live with spouses and children, or with parents, relatives or guardians. We make important decisions that affect the very lives of other individuals. But is there any semblance of closeness, of trust, or of emotional vulnerability? Sadly, for the majority of people the answer is No.

Marriages get strained and torn apart.

Friendships grow cold and fade into nothing.

Employers and employees draw lines in the sand and declare each other enemies.

Why are relationships so easy to start but so difficult to sustain?

There is a euphoria attached to meeting someone new, portraying an image to that person, and causing that individual to think you are something special. But when the novelty wears off, the mask is removed, and reality sets in, the relationship takes on the need for maintenance and communication. Since many don't know how to do this, they don't endure or bring reconciliation when misunderstanding or conflict results. You may drop that relationship like a soft drink bottle that's been sucked dry and move on to the next one, carrying those same patterns into each new relationship.

In my young adult years I (Johnny) never had any meaningful friendships, nor was I close to my parents or siblings. I was what you'd call a "navy brat," which meant I was the son of a sailor whose family would be uprooted and moved every six to eighteen months. I didn't learn relational skills from my folks because either my dad was out at sea for extended periods, or if when he was home, he and my mom were always in conflict, particularly since both drank heavily. Since we were always on the move, I learned how to make friends quickly because I knew I'd lose them quickly. Never was there a time when I practiced longevity skills in friendships, because if someone disappointed me and hurt me, I'd hold a grudge and not extend forgiveness. That relationship would die, but so what? I'd be moving in a couple of months again anyway and make new acquaintances. That pattern lasted even into my adult years, but when my own Navy tour was over and I decided to settle down, I discovered the harsh truth that lack of relationship skills was not conducive to meaningful, lasting interaction. I realized if I held grudges and was unforgiving to everyone who I perceived had wronged me, it wouldn't be long before I was isolated and alone.

Many of us have gotten to the point where we feel isolated and alone.

You might think, "The reason why I'm not appreciated is because nobody understands me. If people weren't so shallow they'd take the time to know me then they'd like me. They don't know what they're missing out on."

The main problem with building relationships is we place the bulk of the responsibility on the other person while shouldering little or none of it. Each must give and take to make it succeed. Readiness to change, enhance, and pardon must be instilled in you if you want to interact...