Realize: It's All up to You

Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility.

—Sigmund Freud

What does it mean to be responsible? Where does "their" (parents, children, spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend, boss, friend, sibling, doctor, thief, perpetrator, government) responsibility end and ours begin? Maybe it has been "our" responsibility all along, and it has just become so much easier to remain at the mercy of others and remain a victim. Unfortunately, passing the buck will only buy you a fleeting moment of freedom from whatever pain you are trying to not feel, from whatever task you are trying to avoid, from whatever lessons life is trying to teach you, from whatever commitments you are trying to avert, and from whatever truth you are trying to hide.

To experience true freedom and what it has to offer—peace, contentment, joy, love, hope, forgiveness, and happiness—we must stop passing the buck and claim responsibility for our lives emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally. If you have yet to find a purpose for your life, may I suggest that you not only embrace responsibility, but that you claim it as your ultimate purpose and experience the freedom this can bring to your life. Once you realize this, you can start to let go of your victimhood and live your life on purpose and in true service to others.

To claim responsibility for your life you must first understand what it really means to be responsible for your life—the purpose of this book. I had no idea what it meant to be responsible. I was addicted to the drama, pain, self-misery, anger, hurt, self-abuse, relief, and momentary freedom that passing the buck has to offer. Was I truly happy, peaceful, content, joyful, and healthy mentally and emotionally? Not at all! And I still work on it each and every day. My ego loves to wreak havoc on my quest and does a pretty good job at times, although this is more of an exception than a rule now. While it may seem like a daunting task to take on this level of responsibility for our lives, and the journey may seem hard at times, it is worth the effort, self-love, forgiveness, and patience you will need to give it.

You see, I was living my life from the outside in, a victim of my childhood and my circumstances. Then all hell broke loose, and unknown even to me at the time, I began to really live my life and take responsibility for myself, living life from the inside out. My responsibility started with picking up the pieces of this shattered, abused person who hated herself, her beauty, and even her intelligence. I felt no purpose in life other than to be who other people wanted and expected me to be. I survived only through fleeting moments of success because I was smart, pretty, and fun. I had outward confidence yet did not approve of myself. I became my status—my husband's wife, my clothes, my house, my car, my job, my children. I was lost and definitely not free.

I fell, and I fell hard. Something inside me—be it spirit, inner guidance, or connection to a higher power—gave me the strength to do the work I needed to do and continue to do each day. The method I chose may not be popular and does not come in a pill, although this wave of self-discovery and transformation is becoming more and more commonplace. If you are reading this book, for instance, you are on that path. I took responsibility for finding help from counselors, coaches, nutritionists, chiropractors, homeopaths, retreats, books, tapes, and videos.

I took responsibility for healing my emotional wounds. I began to forgive and let go of the heaviness of my victimhood. I forgave my parents—my mother for not always being there emotionally and not teaching me the real foundation for happiness; my father for his drinking and the way he treated my mother; my abusers for taking away my innocence; my former husband for his mistakes; and myself for all the mistakes I made that hurt me and those I love.

What I learned through forgiveness is that we are all innocent. Each one of us is doing the best we can in any given moment with what we know and who we are at the time. I was wounded, so I wounded others. It was not intentional; it was the best I could do from within the emotional framework I was living and the level of awareness I had. This does not excuse behaviors or actions, but it did give me permission to forgive myself, make amends where I could, and learn from my mistakes. It was in finding this level of forgiveness and compassion for myself that I could also find it for others. Then I began to grow into the person I feel I am meant to be.

I started to heal my body, giving myself a second chance at a longer life. I learned who I was, what I wanted, and what I valued most in life. I became a better mother, lover, giver, receiver, and communicator. I learned to love myself, let go of my attachments to material things and how they defined who I am. I learned to find joy in life's simple pleasures. I learned to let go of trying to control that which I cannot control and that which is not mine to control. I learned to love and accept others just as they are, releasing judgments. I learned to choose peace over conflict, while still being able to stand up for myself. I learned to value health, both emotionally and physically, and make it a priority in my life. I learned to be kinder. I learned true compassion. I learned about spirituality, and I let go of what no longer served my highest good. I learned that I am worthy of love and have much to offer. I learned to trust. I learned the value of unconditional love. I learned to love myself so that I can love another and be loved.

All of this took time and effort. You, too, can learn all that I have learned when you realize you are responsible for the life you create for yourself. Regardless of your circumstances, you can find freedom when you let go of being a victim. Even if your life seems out of control and is at the mercy of others, you can take responsibility for how you choose to act, react, and behave. Freedom does not come from a picture-perfect life; it comes from a heart that has learned to forgive. We are not always in control of what happens around us, but we are always in control of what happens within us, and assuming this level of control takes assuming responsibility. Realize this, and your world will never be the same.

Nothing grants freedom faster than taking responsibility for our own life. Until we do that, we are always at the mercy of something outside ourselves.

Let's take a look at the definition of freedom:

1. the power or right to act, speak, or think as one...